I think my mind got messed up in the construction process of it all.
All my emotions are blurry and my thoughts are jumbled.
I’m not sure what I should feel, when I should feel it and if I should even feel it at all.
It’s quite a mess.
I can’t seem to find the words to describe how I see myself.
I hate myself.
No.
I love myself.
No.
I’m content.
No, not that either.
I’m not sure about anything.
And I think that’s the problem.
My brain is probably just missing a wire or a ***** or something of the sorts.
It can’t connect the pieces,
It’s not sure how to or what pieces to pick up.
-j.p.

I wanted to sink into soft white fluffy duvets with you,
So we could pretend that we were laying amongst the clouds.
I wanted to wake up with the smell of you on my skin,
And the smell of fresh coffee in the air.
I wanted to kiss your lips the second you arrived home from work,
In hopes you’ll never want to leave my side again.
I wanted the thoughts of you to always bring happiness, warmth, love and excitement,
Not what they bring me now.
Now they bring grief, regret and want.
Because the whole truth is,
I wanted to spend my life with you.
I wanted to keep the warmth that felt like sun beams on my face,
first thing in the morning.
I wanted to keep that love close to my heart for all eternity,
And show the world just how lovely you are.
Were.
I found you,
And with that I found the feeling of never wanting to lose you.
Thoughts of worry and insecurities kept into my head,
And ****** out all the light.
I found you and I never wanted to lose you,
I found you and it was like seeing fireworks light up the night sky.
I found you and I saw the stars forming galaxies,
Just for us.
I found you, but soon after that’s when I realized,
I think I had lost myself.
This isn’t a sad poem,
I know it’s hard to believe.
It’s about revelation rather than grief and remorse.
I thought I had found the one,
It wasn’t until I healed and realize that he was only taking a piece of me.
I’m whole without you now,
I hope you know that in the back of your mind.
I hope you are too.
I have flashes of missing you,
I will admit.
But,  
Now I’ve realized who should forever be my one true love.
Myself.
-j.p.