wanting so bad to hate you
and You easily obliged

maybe deserving it

definitely believing it
blind faith

its easier to create a victim
in yourself

self abhorred
through others eyes

because
you are the victim

so
we are too

not knowing.
                         but believing.

            in what?
I’m.

                     only a victim
                     only a victim
                     only a victim


Wait that’s my son.
                    my wife.
                    my daughter.

deserved rejection.

wrong-doing

he can’t get out of bed
her eyes more blue than red
a broken mirror behind her head

Wait.
                     only a victim,
                     only a victim,
                     only a victim,

                                              of what
                                               who
                                           why

               me

I was once full of demons
accepting inner war

I loved others like me

                                                that is

until I didn’t.


                                                today

­I love myself
                                                but


I still find comfort in the arms
Of those who’s love is never for themselves

I hate them for wasting their days on wasting away
I hate them for not seeing

What I now see.
                                                And yet

I know I must still hate myself

Because I don’t deserve the boys
Who might really be right for me

on the train
watching the old man
untangle his headphones

writing poetry
on the train
because my phone died

i like to practice my cursive
i only wish
i had something beautiful
to write

i decided to wake up early today.

well,

i guess the jackhammers decided for me.

being young
is very strange
because really
it's all i know

you drank
didn’t we all?

you yelled
didn’t we all?

you hated
didn’t we all?

but you did it to us
because your tormentor wasn’t one person

but thanks to you.
ours was.

a high pitch

a cold floor

back and forth

eyes flickering

I deserve this

                         don’t we all?

i think i need to draw less
and be online more
so i can be an artist