I hit you so hard I quivered inside
But I was glad to see you were finally listening
Hearing at least what I felt you should be doing through
the sting of my touch
I watched the fear and betrayed look in your eyes
I had your attention
You would do as I said
Now

Why do you make me hit you
You know I care about and for you
Would lay my life on any line - train or moral
for your happiness and safety
would go any lengths dark and dangerous valleys
compromising myself as long as I knew you would be fine

You know that I love you
this is why you test me so
that set stubborn look in your eye
as you dare not speak or answer me back
I will not have such disrespect
not from you
not after all i have done and will do for you

You will not defy me in your tongue
for i will never understand
much less forgive you
and you will not last
very long without my favor
you will feel the pain of my letting you go
refusal to even look at you
long before i ever leave the room

so hear me, heed me, appreciate the fervor that i pursue
you for you
longing only for you acquiescence
plainly for your normal self
the sparkle and regard
as a fair response to my brand of discipline

And I was like well I don't have one
No I don't mean I'm getting one
I honestly never really tried to get one so I just don't

And something was wrong with me
an undefined thing was sticking out of me
illustrated in a wide swathe, that I was oddly made
slightly off, smelled funny, looked strange too
this thing that was wrong with me
reeking and streaking across the room

politely they nodded
as the prognosis was not good
i would probably die this way
unattached, untethered, unknown
for you are nobody till somebody owns you

i lilted away from the gathering
feeling their pain that would become mine
that ache of alone and stench of undone
tickling my toes, stinging my nose
*** without pain, no loss, no regret
always there, everyday, all the way
in and out, and of course, up and down
through something thick and never thin

preferable to be missed than the other Miss
I was off alone to believe

I watched their careful nails and the tuck
of hair behind the ear rings he'd bought
and the stroke of the arm along a lonesome thigh

and I knew it could happen
to anyone and anywhere

is it worse to have none
or to have and not be had
at all

I have left behind the timid
******, wondering me
for you, you beautiful alluring being
curves and all
such a mouth that can kiss and **** and lick
and touch things, swallow things and know me well
from the inside out, pushing a little of yourself into me
each time, overwhelming demanding
like a flower i gave birth to
delicate and in full body bloom

thank you for this
i shall know me in years to come
as that girl with the soft ******* and belly
cradling you in her arms with all her might
your mother, the lover, the lingering, the goodnights

i love you does not mean i will stay with you
i love the idea of what being with you would be like
but i am never to know and as i think about you and this
i can only smile, glad of the knowing of me
more than the pain of you forgetting me

blue and violet your fingers touch me
and i will become a rainbow of so many happy/sad moments
angry that you never gave in and you never wanted us as much as i did
but then copper dreams are for the girls in pretty dresses lining up
waiting for their chance with you
i will be traveling so high you will never see me, never know how gone i truly am
wandering along this path, a little crazy for love does that you know
tending to my little flock
whispering prayers so that we stay safe in my world of dreams and emotions
take this and know you were loved and well so

while we remain friends

I celebrate your kiss
its soft and lingering drowning sweetness
and glow
warming your lips and the taste of you
is intoxicating
i wanna lay bear beneath you in an instant
and let your body kiss mine,
burn away my clothes, shyness
thoughts, who knows

makes me bent and limber
in a dance for you
eager to ride or be ridden in a rhythm
all yours, all you

close your eyes and listen to the notes of my pleasure
how i moan your name, begging for release
lifting up my shame and throwing it all away
as you writhe and twist beneath me
ignited by the hot gasoline sliding down my thighs
splashing your stomach, your face, those curtains

i urge you to try some more of the treats
i made them for you
i walked a good long ways
in this jungle
searching for the perfect flower
to tuck into your perfect face
just to hear you say
just to feel your arms encircle
just to know you were glad of the invite
dressed your best, dismissed the rest

guest of honor at my party

when you're not the only
one he runs to
any more and shares his affection with
something wild unlocks
hungry for the accustomed hug or kiss
it gnaws on you from the inside
burning along with ***** nails
insistent, pushing you to demand
his attention again

and again

when you're not the only
one he wants to ****
this uncoils a new demon
with a wilder, madder agenda
practically salivating for a brutal
sacrifice
more your sanity than flesh
it pinches your cheeks
rubs your face in it
slaps you across the ***
in a tender reminder
you will never be enough

when you are not the only

when you are not the only

you should run

Claire I need to get something straight with you
Darling you do engage me

Have been for some time now; especially after OTC
My mental confusion is my mental confusion
And it's one that is emotional by nature

I need you to know that I love you
And yes you are worthy of being loved
You have a wonderful heart
A loving and giving heart
One that does not require anything in return

I love when you look at me, how you look at me
Your eyes draw me into you, and at times I feel helpless
Yet full of emotions, heavy about to burst

Anyway, I needed you to know this
Before it gets lost in me again and does not come out

A little to the left
she falls down and won't stop
she takes a pill, then two, to sleep
to still the crying in her heart
breaking over changes
she has no control
she will topple, she will slide

it will hurt, she is not afraid
ignored, unrequited, unattached, uninvited
she lingers in the corridor
listening for voices, that will welcome
but do not
this will not happen
she is not an engineer, rising star, brilliant, beautiful
she is not the mother, the live-in lover, the life partner
she is not **** enough, she does not try to please him, delight him enough


she wanders away from the word
hoping to leave it unheard
move into a new room
where the lights are warm
and the sound of her name being called
is gentle,  a sigh of relief and a little yearning

maybe she will open that door now
before she is too old
her eggs gone cold

please, please, please
love her soon

Your first glance is so open
Your eyes lift like a timid ******
Unsure what you will meet in mine
You lean in and I do not kiss you
You smile

Your hands pat the seat next to you
And I oblige
You are talking to me gently
Subject common, delivery divine
You brush your hand over mine before taking it
You laugh

How long does it take you
To have me tied to a tree
No hope no thought no feeling
But blind desire
Unbelievable in the open
Dangerous and exciting
Frisky you and naughty me
how did that come to be

You push me to the door
And you whisper along my neck
the score
You win; I lose
Your choice; you choose
I ache staring at the lock
You always did hold on to those keys

Rain beats down; I am not cold
Tears burn my eyes, unfocused
From the stun of you
Not wanting, not interested, bored already
The smile with no laugh
is now a leer with no end

Numb I shout aloud
Body moving but really a crawl
Burning inside spreads up to my eyes
I will not cry, will still deny
Tired though like you wouldn't believe
Of wanting much more than what's received
Figure this is the best that can be had
Much more than I ever had
Yet still not enough

through the long summer months
you learned to get by without me
waking you up, hustling you about
Chatting with you on the phone
you stopped missing me quickly
and was so into your own thing

I missed you

when I come to visit you
from time to time
you went from squeezing me so tight
and crying and missing home
to see you later
I'm busy right now

I missed you

You would snuggle with me
and I'd have to sneak away
to go to work
Now you pat my hand
till I fall asleep
and mumble that you love me
when I leave

I love you too

In just a short while
Look how tanned you are
from all the swimming
look how you can reach so high into the freezer
your cheeks are fat from smiles
your hands messy with paint and fun
your laughter rings clear through

I am so glad to have you

let's cross the street to find out what's there
gives a me reason to move closer to you
match your step, look at you from the side
and smile at whatever you were saying
just don't stop talking just yet
i love how you express yourself
with your silly jokes, not for grown folks
and your confidence that you will be heard
above the crowd we are descending in to
you hang back a bit as we approach the door
but i know you aren't polite really
you're enjoying my tight jeans
you whisper that you remembered i like this place
does it matter as we sit

now i have to break our little embrace
as all along as we sped by
you, me, we took the other's hand
and made ourselves one so easily, so naturally
so as not to feel the interlocking of our fingers
easy bounce of that connector between us
now we have to sit
and i can't bear to part

he saw  it before i did
eyes opened wide
and was out the car
before we stopped

rims as tall as him
greeted his sparkling grin
he reached in to run his hands
over the rubber and chrome

black with flecks of green and ice
he smoothed his hands along
sighing like this was a gorgeous animal
a rare find, the treasured kind

can i go in
where there was a little movie
playing with controls to press
and seats so wide, massive leather rests

he's a man, he confided
how did you know
only men have vans
like this, i told you so

a man who's cool, i know
maybe tough but fair
with angel eyes and a firm touch
like a daddy i want so much

i hate this part
he rolls to his feet
slowly seeking and finding
in the dark his clothes
shoes, that pretty watch, the **** phone

he's going home
when he just made a nest
inside of me
when he just laid down
and rested for just a small **** while

why not longer, why not daybreak
sun coming up over your toes and into your nose
you warming your hands on my back
loving the feel of my legs brushing up
against your yawning form

why not ******
as you move toward the door
keys in hand
don't pull me in to kiss you
stay instead, play awhile longer

with me

You were worried you would be too old
for that **** black vest
WHAT i texted back, annoyed

You were so beautiful next to your old friend
Body hard chiseled cut and toned
easy you being noticed in the crowd

Women smiled into your eyes
dropping that gaze quickly to your
pecs, those abs, whip cord waist line

to the throne of your powerful thighs
ending on a note of pure OH MY
you in a **** black vest

How old are you
Who cares, really look around us here
Men and women are glancing

They see what i see in its entirety
a young god on holiday
down from the east just striding by

when you kissed me i used to wish for more
when you touched me i made my own store
of all the ways i wanted to know me more
as your loving never made me sore

when he kisses me my lips just sigh
regret that's so fat and delicious a thing
could finish in a moment's breath
cant take the parting of his warmth from mine

when you left me i secretly helped myself to wine
you didnt know i drank that stuff, how divine
you called to be sure i was hurting something fine
didnt want u to come back, so i played the line

when he leaves to just go into the next room
i mope so hard, so deeply bereft for his next move
he laughs at my loving grunts, my sharp teeth nibbling
oh you know he rubs my back and kisses my nose

when you moved on and had your baby with her
you hid this, thinking i'd somehow be bitter
you tragically carried this riddle all winter
swearing everyone to secrecy, including viktor

when he came with certainty and we became three
we kissed each other everywhere we could touch
he mussed my hair and laid his palm on that belly
protective, possessive, in love so much, so into me

So we should steal away
while away this rainy afternoon
after that long silent drive
to this lil corner of a spot
in the bush, arises a seedy inn

you hop out, i follow, never to wait in the car
you put down a fake name, but your money's real
we wink at another couple, just so
they look down giggling
she squeezes his hand just that much tighter
we don't need to hold hands

you just need to look at me
like i was what's for dinner
like i was the only thing in the room
like i wasn't naked, waiting
like it is only my eyes you can see

and then i'm looking up at the perfect form of you
your chiseled body curved like an S
over mine, undulating
you are hard at work
and i love the bunch and curl of your arms, legs

****, your **** deserves its own verse
like if we dancing naughty out somewhere
you have me pressed up against a wall this bed
doing some kind of wicked slow jive
is it jazz you hear that makes your hips wind so
i know how you make me feel
but it is amazing  watching you do it

my own face is unlike my features
my eyes are blurry from forcing myself
to watch us, fighting not to sink down
close my eyes and fall into this pleasure
i wanna see everything my lover does to me

but i can't hold it, i can't resist what comes
there's this drumming sensation echoing out
my heart, my whole body surges up
past the many views of you
and i go that place where there are no images
just light

still, i keep myself still
and slowly i'm back in
the tangle of your worn body
my sated form
greets me on my winded return

When you are on the Pill
You should be off a lot of things
doubt, fear, surprise

but this is a different drug
a numbing heart warming
thundering ton of fun

slip sliding down
into another world
where you feel less and less

here is my take
you give up the best
when you fake it

upsetting, dredging, crushing
you figure you made a mistake
panic flares and the cramps assail

oh god, he said whining
your heart shivering
i thought you were

on the pill