I hit you so hard I quivered inside
But I was glad to see you were finally listening
Hearing at least what I felt you should be doing through
the sting of my touch
I watched the fear and betrayed look in your eyes
I had your attention
You would do as I said
Now

Why do you make me hit you
You know I care about and for you
Would lay my life on any line - train or moral
for your happiness and safety
would go any lengths dark and dangerous valleys
compromising myself as long as I knew you would be fine

You know that I love you
this is why you test me so
that set stubborn look in your eye
as you dare not speak or answer me back
I will not have such disrespect
not from you
not after all i have done and will do for you

You will not defy me in your tongue
for i will never understand
much less forgive you
and you will not last
very long without my favor
you will feel the pain of my letting you go
refusal to even look at you
long before i ever leave the room

so hear me, heed me, appreciate the fervor that i pursue
you for you
longing only for you acquiescence
plainly for your normal self
the sparkle and regard
as a fair response to my brand of discipline

And I was like well I don't have one
No I don't mean I'm getting one
I honestly never really tried to get one so I just don't

And something was wrong with me
an undefined thing was sticking out of me
illustrated in a wide swathe, that I was oddly made
slightly off, smelled funny, looked strange too
this thing that was wrong with me
reeking and streaking across the room

politely they nodded
as the prognosis was not good
i would probably die this way
unattached, untethered, unknown
for you are nobody till somebody owns you

i lilted away from the gathering
feeling their pain that would become mine
that ache of alone and stench of undone
tickling my toes, stinging my nose
*** without pain, no loss, no regret
always there, everyday, all the way
in and out, and of course, up and down
through something thick and never thin

preferable to be missed than the other Miss
I was off alone to believe

I watched their careful nails and the tuck
of hair behind the ear rings he'd bought
and the stroke of the arm along a lonesome thigh

and I knew it could happen
to anyone and anywhere

is it worse to have none
or to have and not be had
at all

I have left behind the timid
******, wondering me
for you, you beautiful alluring being
curves and all
such a mouth that can kiss and **** and lick
and touch things, swallow things and know me well
from the inside out, pushing a little of yourself into me
each time, overwhelming demanding
like a flower i gave birth to
delicate and in full body bloom

thank you for this
i shall know me in years to come
as that girl with the soft ******* and belly
cradling you in her arms with all her might
your mother, the lover, the lingering, the goodnights

i love you does not mean i will stay with you
i love the idea of what being with you would be like
but i am never to know and as i think about you and this
i can only smile, glad of the knowing of me
more than the pain of you forgetting me

blue and violet your fingers touch me
and i will become a rainbow of so many happy/sad moments
angry that you never gave in and you never wanted us as much as i did
but then copper dreams are for the girls in pretty dresses lining up
waiting for their chance with you
i will be traveling so high you will never see me, never know how gone i truly am
wandering along this path, a little crazy for love does that you know
tending to my little flock
whispering prayers so that we stay safe in my world of dreams and emotions
take this and know you were loved and well so

while we remain friends

I celebrate your kiss
its soft and lingering drowning sweetness
and glow
warming your lips and the taste of you
is intoxicating
i wanna lay bear beneath you in an instant
and let your body kiss mine,
burn away my clothes, shyness
thoughts, who knows

makes me bent and limber
in a dance for you
eager to ride or be ridden in a rhythm
all yours, all you

close your eyes and listen to the notes of my pleasure
how i moan your name, begging for release
lifting up my shame and throwing it all away
as you writhe and twist beneath me
ignited by the hot gasoline sliding down my thighs
splashing your stomach, your face, those curtains

i urge you to try some more of the treats
i made them for you
i walked a good long ways
in this jungle
searching for the perfect flower
to tuck into your perfect face
just to hear you say
just to feel your arms encircle
just to know you were glad of the invite
dressed your best, dismissed the rest

guest of honor at my party

when you're not the only
one he runs to
any more and shares his affection with
something wild unlocks
hungry for the accustomed hug or kiss
it gnaws on you from the inside
burning along with ***** nails
insistent, pushing you to demand
his attention again

and again

when you're not the only
one he wants to ****
this uncoils a new demon
with a wilder, madder agenda
practically salivating for a brutal
sacrifice
more your sanity than flesh
it pinches your cheeks
rubs your face in it
slaps you across the ***
in a tender reminder
you will never be enough

when you are not the only

when you are not the only

you should run

Claire I need to get something straight with you
Darling you do engage me

Have been for some time now; especially after OTC
My mental confusion is my mental confusion
And it's one that is emotional by nature

I need you to know that I love you
And yes you are worthy of being loved
You have a wonderful heart
A loving and giving heart
One that does not require anything in return

I love when you look at me, how you look at me
Your eyes draw me into you, and at times I feel helpless
Yet full of emotions, heavy about to burst

Anyway, I needed you to know this
Before it gets lost in me again and does not come out

A little to the left
she falls down and won't stop
she takes a pill, then two, to sleep
to still the crying in her heart
breaking over changes
she has no control
she will topple, she will slide

it will hurt, she is not afraid
ignored, unrequited, unattached, uninvited
she lingers in the corridor
listening for voices, that will welcome
but do not
this will not happen
she is not an engineer, rising star, brilliant, beautiful
she is not the mother, the live-in lover, the life partner
she is not **** enough, she does not try to please him, delight him enough


she wanders away from the word
hoping to leave it unheard
move into a new room
where the lights are warm
and the sound of her name being called
is gentle,  a sigh of relief and a little yearning

maybe she will open that door now
before she is too old
her eggs gone cold

please, please, please
love her soon