this silence is the other sort.
not the silence of stillness born,
that meditative calm that washes
you when morning's light shyly
peeks through your curtains.

no, this is the malignant sort, an out of
control cellular growth that pushes out
other thought and claims the territories
of your mind all for himself.

this silence screams at you, "listen to me!"
and you can't do anything but hear his absent voice.

this is the silence that shoves his way into your brain
and demands attention, stamps his foot and shouts
"look at me!" and all you can do is stare at his
invisible face.

you wonder, "who are you, to invade my sanctuary?"

but then you remember, you left your key laying casually
on the window sill outside your door, red ribbon tied on,
an exclamation point.

no, you can't blame this silence.
you are the one who left the light burning in your window all night long.

I wish that I could erase
Those awful moments from my life
Those moments I look back at
And they make me want to cry
I wish I could go back and change
The terrible things I said
I wish I could just go back
And just shut my mouth instead
I wish I could get rid of
All those little flaws
Those little flaws that all add up
All those little wrongs
I wish I could have stopped you
From doing what you’ve done
But now that it’s to late
It’s all over
And nobody won

I cannot change the way things are
Alas my heart does sigh
No more than I can take the moon
From its place on high

That which I love brings so much pain
Of which I cannot express
The joy I feel in this pain
I cannot suppress

That which I love and holds my heart
Brings pain and joy the same
As I so love the joy it brings
I can overlook the pain

That which I love will never see this pain
When I look into his eyes
Just a smile to show my joy
And this pain disguise

You will hear thunder and remember me,
And think: she wanted storms. The rim
Of the sky will be the colour of hard crimson,
And your heart, as it was then, will be on fire.

That day in Moscow, it will all come true,
when, for the last time, I take my leave,
And hasten to the heights that I have longed for,
Leaving my shadow still to be with you.