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Dec 2011 · 534
Light
Claire Elwina Dec 2011
Oh Angels!
Hear my prayer
And grant me the strength
To feel so much

This power of empathy
Help me welcome
Accept as a blessing
For the years to come

Take away the curse
Cast on with black
That I feel with such darkness
Is weighting my heart

When I feel all the misery
Fill me with faith
When buried underground
Let light emerge

Lift me to a point
Where there is only love
Irradiate my eyes with sparkle
From the beauty above

Help me connect
With the joy that fills this world
And let me forget
Everything that hurts
Dec 2011 · 578
I miss
Claire Elwina Dec 2011
I know I’m not supposed to be waiting.

I don’t need you. I don’t.
I miss.

I miss the feeling
Of softly leaning on your shoulder
I miss your smell
Within my sheets

I miss the warmth
Of you all around me
And your fingers
Running my skin

I miss your eyes
Leaning on me
Reading the sparkle
That makes me pretty

I miss our nights
I miss our mornings
I miss our lives
I miss our dreams

Sharing smiling eyes
Bursting into laughter
Lose all disguise
True together

I think about you
Through everyone of my heartbreaks
I miss you the most
At my highest happiness
Claire Elwina Dec 2011
Once upon a time I was drawn
To a light of a kind unknown
Revealed only in the dim of the night
True witness of a miracle
Leaving me breathless as beauty
Was softly calling upon me

A secret so preciously brought
A jewel pure and vulnerable
In a box that unfolds with trust
As love is weaved and truth whispered
When two souls lighting up in gold
Alter the color of the world

It was the brutal light of day
The rhythm that takes us away
That steals our eyes into the fog
And wraps a cage around our hearts
That makes us flee as one hopes to escape
The violence of the world

The more I reached the more you ran
And just one morning you were gone
Eaten away by a ferocious fear
And I could never again have you near
Cause it was wider than your hopes
And stronger than your dreams

I’ve looked in your heart for a breach
My hands got lost trying to reach
But at night I squeeze my eyelids
Like a child wishing for a dream
To unfold this treasure again
So I would never love the same

I wish I’d go back to that room
When we were all precious and bloom
And I would sleep there forever
Melt in fusion into one another
And I would take your hand in mine
Until the end of time
Oct 2010 · 634
December
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
It was December
My favourite month
When the days are short
And the nights sparkle with lights

When our noses are cold
But our hearts are warm
And we are wrapped up
Under blankets and scarfs

It was softly that I felt it
Didn’t really chose it
It was hour after hour
Night after night

Within a week or two
We would lock in my room
Where we’d talk and dream
Eyes towards the stars

It was sat on my bed
The conversation we shared
That you’d turn out to be
The best friend I ever had

However you have changed
Even if this part of you is dead
I’ll always remember the man
You were that Christmas

You were pure and raw
As beautiful as the snow
As bright as
A sunrise

Whoever you are today
Whatever you do or say
How often you disrespect
Or defile those nights

I’ll always remember you
With my heart light, but a little blue
As you turned out to be
The best weeks I ever had
Oct 2010 · 514
There's what you dream of
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
There’s what you dream of
And there’s what you receive
And I know dreaming
Can be deceiving
Or hurtful

There’s what you want
And there’s what you get
And it’s true
That it takes an effort
To honestly welcome
Anything that crosses your way
For simply what it is

And some can get lost
In impossible expectations
Searching for something
That will never come

But there is a difference
Between concealing dreams
With reality
And running away from them
When they come knocking on your door
Because you’re so scared
That they might slip away
Through your fingers
Right when
You finally
Make the choice
To grab them

I will never
Choose to be
Disillusioned

I will never choose
To settle down
To a lower option
Because it’s easier to lose faith
Than keep on believing

So next time you see me
Look right into my eyes
And know that I will speak those words:
“I will never accept
Nor support
Your actions
Under resignation”

Dreams may seem an enemy
To reality
But there’s one worst
And that’s fear my dear

You keep coming back to me
Because a part of you still desperately wants
To look into my eyes
And feel that your dreams
Are still possible to realize

You will wake up one day
And when all the fire
That I love so much
Has finally burned out
You will feel empty
Like you have never felt before

There’s what you dream of
But more important darling
They’re what you decide
To make your dreams become
Closer to reality
Oct 2010 · 603
Familiar
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
Your presence has
A familiar taste
Next to you is like
I'm closer to myself
Just the sight of you
And all my defences are down
I’m lighter and true
Naked to my bones
And it feels so good
To finally be home
To feel understood
And truly loved
I’m finally at peace
Life can race outside
I’m in comfort and bliss
Resting in your arms
I feel so much strength
Emerging from inside of me
Like some kind of spell
As magic as can be

It’s the tone of your voice
Whispering to my ear
That without an effort
Just silence my fear
It’s the conversations
On the beauty around
That appease my questions
And brighten my world
It’s a feeling of happiness
That I thought couldn’t be reached
It’s like we were blessed
It’s like heaven exists
It’s like together
Life is so easy
Like it makes us better
And breaks us free

We meet in our dreams
For a better place
You’re bringing me wings
With your sole embrace
And your face is like
The sweetest picture to me
Your eyes being the doors
To our sanctuary
A smile on your lips
Is all it takes
A taste of your kiss
Fills me with grace
And I hardly believe
We were put here together
That the world I breathe in
Would carry you ever
Knowing you’re alive
Makes this place worth living in
Sharing your time
Was worth waiting

It’s like you're familiar
Making life so easy
You could make me better
You could make me happy
Oct 2010 · 564
Is it only you ?
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
Are you on your way home
Or am I desperately waiting
Blindingly hoping
For an angel who is already gone?
For a mirror of myself
Who’s already shattered
Was already broken
To pieces long ago?

In despair
I wander between two worlds
Searching behind the clouds
For a sign from you
I’m scanning those empty eyes
For a soul to touch me
One glance to pierce me
When I’ll recognize you

Is this you that I hear
At night whispering melodies
Singing me lullabies
Cuddling close to me?
Invisible but
Blowing on my skin
Giving me the chills
Your ghost embracing me?

Is that you
Watching me sleep
While grasping my hand
With your fingers of smoke?
Are you the one
Haunting my flesh
In my mouth leaving a taste
That I can't get rid of?

I have this blind hope
Maybe you’re back already
That you came to get me
And let us be together, again at last
In this tragic and absurd
Bound called love
I keep turning my back from
Any other heart

I have this memory
Of our bond so pure
Of a link so secure
Of a love I still feel so deeply
To join you wherever you are
If you could give me a sign
I think I could die
To have you again, close to me

Have my eyes gone so dull
From searching the clouds
Wandering the winds so much
That I became a living ghost?
Have I gone so invisible
That you can't recognized me
When you walk right past me
Into the crowd?

Oh sweetheart I've tried and I've tried
To take strangers into my arms
But it felt like I was
Lying to myself
Is there anyone who can fit
In the shape of your embrace
This hole in my chest
Is there anybody else

Is there anyone down here
As beautiful as you
Any worthy of you
That would want to take me
Who will long to love me
For all that I am
With my laugh and my cries
Through my light and darkness

On my lonely nights
Is it you that I miss
Is it only you that would fit

Darling,

This
      hole
  in
       my
             chest
Oct 2010 · 1.0k
The bathroom
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
I hear your sobs from the bathroom
And I hope it’s not what I think
Pray I misunderstood
Hope and hope so deep

We open the door
And there you lie
Lost in some fog
Then I realize
From the look in your eyes
And the colors I glimpse
It’s all over the tiles
And it covers the sink

The scene freezes in silence
Images flashing slow
We try to grasp in an instant
How it began to flow
Searching for the tool you used
That would lead to the breach
Searching for the weapon you chose
To finally... sleep

And I wonder...

“Is this it?”

“Is this the day
Our life will collapse?”

“Is today the day that
All my fears come true?”




Will there be no other laugh
In our lives forever stained
Will there be no innocence
Left from what was shed
Is this the date cross-marked
In our memories forever
Is this the day so black
Where our dreams shatter?




As I hear the sirens fade
I’m left in silence, petrified
In shock staring at my hands
Voiceless and horrified

So unbearable
That it dissociates me
So unshakable
That it suffocates me

Breathing the thick air
Painfully into my lungs
As I wash blood off my hands
And clean the bathtub



There were no tears that night
Just a blinding pain
As sharp as the knife
You pressed to your veins

Oh mother…

What have you
Done?

You have left me
Forever
Terrified
For things
To come

Couldn’t you spare us
I was just a child
In this bathroom who would comfort
The little girl I was?
Couldn’t you handle
The anger and the tears
Preserve your children
From their worst fears?

You’ve shattered our lives
From your own weakness
And filled our eyes
With... endless darkness
Broken our hopes
For any peaceful day
An anguish for tomorrows
That will never melt away
Oct 2010 · 403
Ghosts of the pavement
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
I walk the pavement you walk every day
And I wonder how you manage
To make it

Time is going slow tonight
But during your days
Time is running fast

When the sun will rise
You will walk among the sheep
Shutting down the voices screaming

When the sun will set
You will leave this place
Opening your mouth to desperately breathe

How do you manage
To remain silent
Within this deafening environment

In what seems to be my parallel universe
World upside down
I am walking on the sky to avoid your footsteps

In your high tower
You are no closer to me
But buried under walls of glass

And it hurts me to see you
Fading in the void this life dug around you
Turning into a shadow of who you really are

I will go to sleep next to you tonight
Because this place has been my home before
But I will walk amongst you tomorrow

And I will look at your faces
And all I will see my love
Are ghosts
Oct 2010 · 989
Sunshine
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
I was born north
Where the snow persists
Where the only daylight comes
From the glow of the moon
Where the white desert spreads
Further than horizon
And the cold lingers
Into your every bones

In my polar world
I’ve lacked your heat
Your delicate fire
To my spine
Comforting warmth
In my darkness I’ve missed
Your sweet embrace
Oh my sunshine!

Warming sun
Like a lover
Wrap me tight
Healing sun
Comforting my soul
My troubled mind

As I rest my frozen bones
On to the stones you’ve burned
Whisper that I’m not alone
Comfort me I’m not broken

You are more to me
Than just an illusion
You are
My liberation
Oct 2010 · 1.8k
Time standing still
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
Where time is standing still
Shipped out to a place
That looks like my dreams
Where I can be myself
Where I am just no longer lost
Where I can be complete
And it’s all magic and love

The air is crystal pure
As you take me away
We are travelling on a cloud
Flying over the bay
It takes us higher and higher
Deep into the sky
It’s just us and the moon
And the shooting stars

Drinking your lips
Breathing your scent
I’m starting to give in
As I touch your hands
I’m drunk, oh I could drown
This is so dangerous for me
Falling into this passion
That captivates me

I found you
Behind the shadows, the stories
I read you
Behind the lies and the theories
I see your heart and soul
Behind the fears and the maybes
You are the one
That no one can see
Don’t ask me how I do it
But I do
I see your soul in an instant
And it pierces me through
I might as well be blind
To the rest of the world
I might as well 'd been bound
To your heart all along
And all I want to look at
Is you over and over
All I want is to stay here
Come closer and closer

Don’t take this feeling away
Don’t take this universe away from me
The sun is rising
And I can’t get my eyes off you
It’s early morning
But I can’t pull away
Holding my breath
To keep this longer
Come on, take me back
Grab me harder
Don’t leave so fast
Hold your breath with me
Please make this last
And leave me happy
Oct 2010 · 451
Behind
Claire Elwina Oct 2010
Our memories rest
Oh, fairytales of lies
From our history
I burn down the pages
Of your face and words sketched on paper
My tears already corroded

The bridges we once built
Now laying as stones to the ground
Broken, ruined, lost
Pathways to a new world
To the promising land
That we will never reach

The bound once shared
You dragged through the dirt
Feelings and words
Forgot under dust
No longer matter
No longer hurt

Watch me bury
This past
Without a blink
Without a glance back
Lock down these ashes
So they can never be revived

Watch me fade away
From your sight
Spread my wings
And turn my back
Oh, watch me leave you…
Behind

— The End —