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Claire Elizabeth Oct 2018
I ponder the theme of my existence more often than I probably should
Am I here to just breathe? Am I here to do nothing more than just....ponder?
In the cool darkness of the oncoming autumn air, things get a little more lonely than I'm used to.
Maybe I'm reminded that just like the season, I will come and then go.
I wish that needing someone to share this loneliness with was all that I needed.
Unfortunately, that is never the case.
Pretending to love someone long enough to become un-lonely is the cruellest joke I've played on the last three boys I've trapped.
I cling to their comfort like someone starving for mercy.
And then when the lust of sadness lets go of my throat I'm suddenly reminded of how little I actually crave the intimacy I've inherited.

There's always an exception to the pattern.
Claire Elizabeth Sep 2018
This year is different
There's a carefulness in the air that I haven't smelled before
It whispers "Caution, she is hurting. Caution, she isn't there."
So then the people I am closest to take heed of the warning and put me at arm's length away from them
It's safer
This year is different
The rain isn't the only thing that makes me sad
The sun does too
If I wasn't mistaken, I'd say that my heart knows that something is off
But how can this be worse than two years ago during the grip of winter
This year is different
I've begun to take a liking to staring at empty spaces just to the left of people's ears
When someone else touches me I shiver and hug myself in closer
I can't meet anyone's eyes, I can't speak, I can't match their smiles
And I've forgotten how blissful sleep is for the ones who are hurting
Until now
This year is different
Claire Elizabeth Sep 2018
i. when the sun begins setting behind the full leaves of the oaks and cottonwoods, the air turns soft with lazy warmth, golden and shimmering in the valleys and fields. sometimes when the hour between late afternoon and early evening hits, i get a little more nostalgic about how the crickets begin to sing and how the cicadas hum brightly in their wooded alcoves. everything becomes nostalgic about the August before this one

ii. once August trails the dead petals of the ladyfingers out the door, September sneaks in behind. August leaves behind its last remaining warmth, casting a blanket over the afternoons and tugging it off during the dead of night. it leaves behind the summer romances, the one night stands, the flings that blazed throughout June and July. and it leaves behind just enough of my happiness to last me until the first snow. and then November takes the rest.

iii. there's a little-known term that latches itself onto the coattails of August: sun-drunk. long days spent in the sun, warm and tan. lungs consisting entirely of fresh air and hopeful opportunities. ending the afternoons with a bone-tired sigh, a comfortable nap, still sweaty from play, eyes half-lidded. an exhaustion unlike any other.

iv. when the summer retracts its tendrils back into itself, its last wish is to begin anew in a year. it wishes to coax the life back into the shuddering trees and wilting grass, coming into spring with a fervour. when the cold bites at the nape of the summer's neck, every living thing places their hope on warmth's feeling shoulders.

v. every time i go to the places we used to roam, i hear your voice again. the thick humidity has an uncanny ability to replicate the smell of your skin. or maybe nostalgia makes everything contain some portion of you. my hands unfold for the breeze, which carries your touch; my eyes soften for the sun, which carries your gaze; my legs take bigger steps to miss the cracks of the sidewalk, which mimic your long strides. again and again, my body will always want you.
Claire Elizabeth May 2018
In the deepest part of midnight, you walk among the hidden creatures of the wood, the reflection of their eyes guiding you through the thickets.

The deer murmur the prayers of the tall grass, their low hushings travelling across the valley and turning heavy with magic.

The owl's watchful gaze never loses its hold on the back of your heels, making sure that you stay on the path you've chosen. A breeze disrupts the pattern of your footsteps, multiplied by the possums that walk upright in your wake.

Something talks with the voice of the trees, damp, tepid, stagnant and woeful, like a being trapped in engravings on the bark left by the ants and the nightwalkers alike.

In the distance, your mother calls your name. The loam and sand has already made itself into your bed and the moss covers your eyes as you sleep.

In the morning you wake in the stream with remnants of moondust and pollen clinging like lichen to the bareness of your skin.
Claire Elizabeth May 2018
Poetry is written by the haunts that crawl from their caves in the dead of night

I am no different
Claire Elizabeth Apr 2018
If I were to love as the universe loves
My god I'd be heartless.
I'd be so vast, so full, so empty, so everything all at once
Yet, I'd contain no fondess for the human beings that roam my innards.

Being consistantly admired but never admiring is something the universe is troubled with
Not me
Claire Elizabeth Apr 2018
Time is not

In love

With you
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