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Claire Bircher Dec 2010
Smooth metallic spoons in coffee
stir in time in rhythm,
ever blend form together
concave in a drawer.
Claire Bircher Dec 2010
I can't write my feelings for him.
The word love was struck from my dictionary long ago
angry grey pencil, so fierce goes through the paper
and leaves a ghost on the entries
"luff" through "lugger"on the facing page;
the next entry unscathed is "lugubrious".
Figures.
Claire Bircher Dec 2010
Each day she pokes through the soil
wearing moss coloured clothes
and twigs in her hair,
then the wailing starts;
she doesn’t want to be grown.
Claire Bircher Dec 2010
Three children, clean and roundly fed,
**** time scraping frost from the ******’s window.
Inside betting slips are torn in half.

Neglect isn't always obvious.
Claire Bircher Dec 2010
Drinking Guinness from a wine glass
I watch the beetle on his back
rocking to and fro, frantically jerking his legs.

I imagine his voice, squeaky,
a balloon poodle stretched at the end
and spiked with a shot of helium
“help me, help me!  Please I have grubs I should feed”.
I throw out a laugh like a Hammer House villain,
staggering from the sofa I am Nosferatu,
teeth bared in ominous intention,
spilling sticky black froth as I ****-eye my glass.

Wouldn’t it be good to stick a pin through his middle?
Keep him in a glass box?  Whip him out at dinner parties
as a curio example of helplessness,
“yes!  Look how he wriggles.  Do try the stilton”.

Suddenly I’m aware that I wasn’t laughing.
Claire Bircher Dec 2010
Flakes slide on the window
as frost crawls under the pane;
in the gloom he sags in today’s suit.
Always pressed and draped, tie laid over
the back of a chair, yesterday’s was
and tomorrow’s will be.  
He uses his fingers and drags out his face.

In the bed where he finds it hard to breathe
she lies asleep.  He watches her, suit presser,
tries to rewind her then grips his shoulders  
and fastens his elbows. Her wicker cabinet,
it’s pink top ringed by tea, is a cityscape
of tubs and bottles; plastic skyscrapers push together.
In the dark her skin smears like buttered chicken.
Each morning he scrubs his hands
to remove the grease, belly dented, soft against the sink.
His jaw works to swallow the blood and grit he tastes.

A clearing in the clutter sees a photo of their wedding day.  
The landing light cuts flashes of silver into the glass
and he shrinks there, cuffs fall below hands,
trousers gape without a belt.
She’s wearing age like gold he thought would suit him,
but he hears the whispers before the speeches;  
slit eyed guests, slack mouths behind order of service cards.
Burning through the picture, blanch knuckles
and crescents in his palms, the reflection shatters him.

Rigid, he should kneel and kiss the face
that folded too quickly, but his cheeks shine
and disgust drips into his collar.  Slipping away,
with tomorrow's suit over his arm,
he filters himself through the gap in the door.
She doesn't move, though her eyelids shine.

Later today he will drink with friends
and tell them it was mutual.
Claire Bircher Dec 2010
A metallic seat.
Hard orange plastic.
Strip light sickness.
And I look at you.

Disinfectant scrubs my throat,
sterilising the language I want to use.
And I look at you.

Naked feet, white tinged with yellow.
Invisible socks.
Cotton top welts left in your ankles,
flattening the spidery hair.
So much hair.

And I wonder,
when did you get so tall?
And I look at you.

Sallow face, a dehydrated
caricature of youth, erased and lined.
Needles **** the marrow,
the muscle tone gone but
stubble erupting, handsome underneath.

And I wonder,
when was the last time I saw you?
And I look at you.

Frail arms, thick bandage cuffs
giving little comfort to the empty purple beneath.

And I wonder,
was it how you imagined?

Clean blade?
Neat slices?
Choreographed claret leaving a poignant splash
on your final soliloquy?
Head to camera, atmospheric lighting,
ready for your close up.
Someday you’ll be a star.

Or was it sordid?  
Brutal?
A smashed bottle?
Hacking, mangling,
uncontrollable blood
aimlessly gushing, drenching the rambling note
so the words washed away?
No camera angles.
No haunting memoir.

And I look at you.
And I wonder.
When did you become so lonely?


And I turn away.
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