sometimes i cry
but other times i laugh
the laughs arent real
but a disguise
to hide the pain


oh the pain youve
doused me in
it stings
it burns
it bruises
it pulls the life from me

remember that little girl who was always smiling?
shes gone
with the smile fading
more and more each and everyday

people ask
"how could you live likes this?"
i dont answer
because itd be like her
suicide


ive been grieving now for three years
and still havent found
closure
closure is not
easy to find
closure is buried in a chest somewhere
somewhere i will never find it
i promised myself, my family, my friends
if i somehow found it i would
take it and use it for the good

so sometimes you just gotta live life
and cry, laugh, sing
do whatever you can to find this so called
"closure"

sometimes I look up at the ceiling
you can call me crazy
but i see the stars
billions of stars

I dont answer them
because I am paralyzed and unable
to speak

For they are friends not foes
when i was younger i was afraid
afraid of them
now i understand they are here to help.

so my friend everyonce in a while when you looking at the ceiling think
think of stars  and theyll appear
whenever you need a friend they are
there.

i've beaten,
and bruised,
but never,
will i loose.

sometimes i like to
lay on my back and
look at the stars
and say
"my darling i know you're up there and im down here, why is that? why are we not together?"

she never answers, perhaps
because shes not as loving a she used to be.
i feel as if she does not care,
but how could she not i was the best thing she had, now im drifting just a she did,
i miss her so i feel its my time but what if i left this world for hers and couldnt find her?
then what would i do?
wonder the fields?
so for now i shall stay and live on this world they call
"earth"