all my thoughts like rain
falling on my face, and hiding my tears
should I talk about it?
should I use umbrella words to keep myself dry?
I don't think that helps
lying to yourself to stop the rain
when you know you can't
you know no one can stop the rain
but I'll use the umbrella anyway
keeping my face dry, and watching the rain fall around me
each drop bursting on the ground
my thoughts crashing against the weight of reality
putting my umbrella down, I can let them soak into my skin
not just hiding my tears, but washing them away
I don't think I'm afraid anymore
I leave my umbrella in the street
I'd rather walk in the rain

I couldn't say this out loud:
you are all my worst fears
my past I strive to forget
in the form of my greatest friend
my final chance
a glimmer of hope
how can trusting you be so hard
when I continue to expose My Soul to you?
I've never said no to you
this is the only thing you can't fix
I'm too afraid to say it
I can not speak the words I know will set me free
you say I never listen to your advice
oh love...I listen far too well
in your absence, I have failed you
I have given up on myself
and all the hope you gave me
I fear insanity
because I know how simple it is
to let your mind...slip
and the most pathetic part
is my dependence on You

fleeing my demon, I hit a wall
just high enough to transform me into a child again
cowering before monsters I am not prepared to face
I don't know how it got there
but there my wall stands
keeping me from my salvation
I pound against it, though I know I'm only increasing my pain
blood runs down my arms
I turn
face to face with my demon, I sink down against the wall
knowing I could have saved myself, but not knowing how

raw, bleeding words flow onto paper
screaming from the shock of exposure
they say what he went through
or rather
what we put him through

friends that dismissed him
now read his last poem
the closest he got
to a suicide note

...forced to this...
...want to turn back...
...then they'll be sorry...

there are no tears
no "heartfelt" sentiments to the family
he's still breathing
before he finished his last line, he realized
we'd done the job for him

he still breathes
but is it worth it?
bleeding from the inside out
doing nothing, feeling everything

autopsy shows:
a shattered heart
an overworked liver
and a soul that never had a chance