I had beautiful words, once.
But,
I used them and used them
and they started to bump into eachother
and get rough
around the edges.
My words began to fray
and when they started to disappear,
so did you.

You were beautiful, once.
I don't know if you are anymore,
but our last moments are old,
and I've replayed them in my mind
over and over
and they're starting to get rough
around the edges.

I'm second guessing everything so that it doesn't hurt as much.
I didn't like it when you traced my collarbones with your lips,
I didn't like it when you pressed your palms against the inside of my thighs
and wrapped your fingers around my skin
and leaned in to kiss me
as delicately and passionately as you could.
I hated it.


Your mouth always tasted like chewing tobacco.

You asked me why I was sorry.
I said

I'm sorry,
because of the way the sun shines in your eyes when you're driving in the morning.
I'm sorry,
because of that one time I tripped on the museum steps and skinned my knee.
I'm sorry,
because I just am.

You asked me why I hate myself.
I said

I hate myself,
because of the way my eyelashes fall out so quickly.
I hate myself,
because of that one time I said that stupid thing.
All of those times I said those stupid things.
All of those times I did those stupid things.
I hate myself,
because I just do.

You asked me why I loved you.
I said

I love you,
because of the way your smell always helps me get to sleep.
I love you,
because of the way the ridges in your fingerprints feel against my cheek.
I love you,
because I just do.

we thought we were cool
with our short french phrases that we repeated
until we could impress ourselves in the mirror

we thought we were cool
in the very same way
that moths fly to the light
of my computer screen
in the dark
only to be squished by my palm

we thought we were cool
faking our sadness as if it would get us out of school
but we didn't know how to act
when we actually got sick

I am calmer
when I do not wear
time
on my wrist.

The seconds do not tick past my skin,
like they do when I wear a watch.

I have enough time to become the waves of the ocean;
rays of warm sun against backs sitting on hills with friends.
I have enough time to learn how to love people,
and love myself.

I am limiting myself. We are limiting each other.
We do not have time to sit around
and calm down
because we're always pushing ourselves to the next spot.
Place.
Time.

They say Love is blind,
but I disagree.
It sees too much.

Consumed by maybe spite,
apathy perhaps.
Love
watches you destroy everything.

Omniscient; Love sees all.

As you consume yourself in flames of brokenness
and lose her,
Love watches.

And what is more,
Love does nothing to stop you.

All of time is happening at once.
I am forever sharing that awkward first car ride.
Knees bumping in the dark.

All of time is happening at once.
I am still sitting on that couch
stealing glances at tattooed covered arms
from across the room, wanting them wrapped
around the small of my back.

All of time is happening at once.
I am forever at the tip of your tongue
Syllables echoing like the Big Bang.