He said: "Life is like a balance beam."
We were at the park.
I was in one of my "moods".
He wanted to cheer me up;
Make me smile at least.

I said: "I'm stuck in my head."
He said: "Hop on."
So I did.
He jumped.
The balance beam bounced.
I struggled to remain balanced.
He calls out life obstacles
For each jump:
"Your car broke down."
"You lost your job."
"Exams are coming up."

Bounce.
Weeble.
Wobble.

I fall.
I'm not dead.
I laugh.
Everything is okay.
I'm okay.

He said: "I got you to smile."

"You're an open book, but in a language I can't read."

*I'm the book you'll never take the time to read to the end.

1/2 cup of narcissism.
3 teaspoons of pretentiousness.
2 sticks of vulnerability.

Why did you feel like you had to prove something to everyone? Innocence isn't bad you know. You were going to wait. But you were just so **** eager to prove your point. Perhaps a bit of it was spite. You felt over sheltered, so you overcompensated.

You have bad hair and bad taste in boys.

Still you shouldn't have broken up with him via text. Twice.
Making the third time by phone call wasn't a bad idea.

You have small *****. Get over it.

Stop being so insecure. Do things by yourself. You’re prone to codependency and neediness is not a good look for you

Invest in a pair of cute thigh highs. Delete your ****** blog. Get your eyebrows waxed (it doesn't hurt that bad).

While I have your attention - DON'T ******* FAIL CHEM!!! You end up retaking it with the same teacher whose face resembles that of a rat.

Enjoy being a social butterfly because it'll get old quick. Also beer is gross so you didn't miss much at parties.

*You'll grow into your skin.

It seems like flattery
To make someone your everything;
But the thing about that is
It's not healthy.

The cure?
Medicine.
Bed rest.
And a distraction couldn't hurt.

And I can't stop this thing my mind does.
This constant battle of what I want versus what I need.
What I want versus what I get.

I used to write down the things worth remembering.
The things I'd rather die than forget.
But now those things are in a box;
a box I don't open.

I've remembered enough.

I step out of the bathroom, the soft yellow light casting a trail from the doorway out onto the carpeted floor of my bedroom. You're sitting criss cross in my bed, your elbows resting on your knees. You look up when you hear the door open.I cross my arms across my chest and walk towards you, hoping the lighting is merciful.   You push your legs out so that they dangle over the edge of the bed. I position myself between them as my hands trail up your legs.

I'm not wearing make up because I feel that you'd prefer that I didn't. I'm wearing my pink Calvin Klein bra with the lace trim and my black partial lace, partial mesh underwear. I feel self conscious, but resist the urge to ruin the moment by making fun of myself. I'm not waiting for you to say something to make me feel pretty. I don't need you to when I see the way you look at me.

You help me up into your lap so I'm straddling you. You lie down on your back and stare up at me. I'm comforted in knowing you're just as nervous as me. But the nervousness isn't the bad kind - but exciting. The alt-J album An Awesome Wave is playing softly in the background. I recall adding Intro to my Little Death playlist and laugh under my breath. Your hand reaches out to caress a tendril of my hair. I feel your touch from my split ends, to my roots, and all the way to my fingertips. I do my best to keep them from trembling. But knowing you're just beneath me has a way of making my entire body pulse in anticipation.

I want you. I want to feel you. I want you to feel me. I want it to feel unnatural when we're clothed together. I want you to hear all my noises and show me all of yours. I want our bodies to move in time to the music. Eyes closed. Sensations have a way of making you see. And I see all of you tangled up in all of me.

The music swells. The drums. Guitar. My body feels like an instrument in your arms. Your hands. Exploring my notes. Play me and I'll sing loud. Fingertips between my lips. Mine. Yours. Mouth on mouth. Mouth on neck. mouth on chest.

Your mouth tastes of gummy turtles.