realizing my worth and value
in people's lives made me aware
that you are not the loss
i am.
when people let go of me
i hold myself responsible for it
and begin reminiscing on everything you have done for me.
instead,
i should think about how much i have sacrificed for people
how valuable my relationship to some
really is.
i should know my value
and stop bringing myself down for others.
i am back
from months of misconstruction and rebuttal.
back from hours and days of crying to the memories of you.
back to my whole self;

you played me like one of your toys and left me among your trophies on your shelves, just for show. I want to warn people about your dangerous eyes, the way they pierced into my soul and allowed me to lose myself in you. the way you fed me with all these memories of your face and your smile, just to leave me, stuck, with these reminiscence of you.

although you hurt me in ways no one could,
we grew into people we never imagined we would become.
for good or for bad, we built each other up, and tore each other down.

the sole difference between us,
is that i thank you for what you've done to me
while you think I would do anything to spite you.
another difference is that
you built me up, tore me down and left me broken,
while I make sure that you're okay.

the thing is
that
I'll always care.
Even in 42 days, or 289 days
I will always care for you
and thank you for what you've done to me/
When I said the word
endlessly
to you,
I meant it
..
I always will.

the best worst year
of my 16 years on this sphere we all call home,
which to be honest has not been feeling like
home lately.
2o17
the year of
remorse

insanity

loss

and growth.
the pain felt throughout the past 12 months,
\physical and emotional/
the torment that tore me apart
limb from limb
has only pushed me to grow
as a person
and taught me to strive higher.

2o18
the year where i start from the top
.
and only go higher.