Dreams shattered.
Broken reflections surround my soul
mirroring my pain and sadness.

Love lost.
Disappeared in an instant
after fighting through a jungle of injustices.

Spirit broken.
Words became weapons to defend a private life
that shut me out like a ***** in rags.

Broken heart.
Beats for no one, just listen to the echoes of a quiet
heart that is deflated and dead.

Wasted love.
I gave you the truth but you refused
to see through the dark glasses that make your world black.

Hope crumbled.
Destroyed by hands that once held me tightly
and caressed me gently.

Lost and afraid.
I wander down paths with my compass pointing toward you
but you’re not there. My destination has been cancelled.

A Quiet Heart

Just want contentment.
Stop feeling resentment.

Don’t even want to be happy.
No platitudes that are corny and sappy.

Need to feel a love.
For myself and from Someone above.

Need a purpose, a direction.
A path made by me without outside protection.

No one to shelter me from the evils of the world.
Need to be brave, my strengths wanting to be unfurled.

Tired of existing in this world just to breathe.
Tired of feeling hopeless. I want to believe.

Need a reason to exist and to strive for an achievable goal.
A special woman is ready to climb out of this hole.

Is there a place in this world where I can be happy and free?
A space on this earth where I can be just Me!

I have loved a man who controlled my soul.
I want to be strong, but I feel like a fool.
I feel so weak, and all I do is moan
My thoughts jumbled, my words mumbled.
He’s taken my life, turned me into a drone.

He makes promises he doesn’t keep  
So I stand on the hilltop wanting to leap.
My heart breaks and bleeds
He won’t even try to fill my needs.
I’ve given all I can and I wish I could stop loving
This cruel cold man.

He takes my soul and gives nothing but pain.
Why do I stay when I have nothing to gain?
My eyes fill with tears, and I cry from inside.
My heart begins to bleed and I think it has died.
I want to run and hide where my eyes can’t see.
I don’t want myself to see this pathetic me.

But in hiding I’ll be alone with my hurt
My heart is smashed, ground into the dirt.
I feel I’m dissolving, melting away.
My mind says to leave, my heart wants to stay.
I’m weak and afraid and I want to retreat
How can a heart feel, when it cannot beat.

Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

I sit on my lawn chair facing the west.
Watching a squirrel tend to her nest.
Bright glowing gold is burning up the sky
Sun so bold it you can’t look at it with your eye.

Dry curling leaves skip across the street
Tapping and tossing they dance around my feet.
A whisper of smoke speaks softly to the air
Telling a story of autumn that is special and rare.

Nature’s paintbrush splashes, streaks and twirls.
Turning pale clouds into bright brilliant pink swirls
A man on his bike just rode swiftly by
Pedaling on quickly, he bids farewell to the orange sky.

This warm November day is just about done.
Soon cold and clouds will slip past the sun.
The darkness eases into the day as shadows grow tall.
A black velvet blanket will soon dim the orange ball.

Who knew the click of a mouse, and a date on a dare
Would become a special bond  filled with passion love and care.

A protector and champion you rose high above the others.
My own personal bodyguard who shields but never smothers.

You live in a world that is private and alone
Trusting me with your life, letting me see under your stone.

No one has ever made me experience and feel such an attraction
I experienced desire and ecstacy, my libido in heightend action.

We snuggle and cuddle, I love how you hold me so tight
My head nestled on your chest, being with you feels so right.

I loved that I was able to fulfill some of your favorite wishes.
Doing little things like setting your table with flowers and pretty dishes.

It’s been said that I need time to grow and become  strong.
Your unselfish love will show me where I truly do belong.

I managed to squeeze through that locked door to your heart.
We may not be together for now,  temporarily apart.

We will always share a bond and we will never say good-by.
It would be too difficult  and I don’t ever want to try.

God brought us together, our hearts filled with a joyous love.
He’s pleased with his creation as He  looks down upon us from above.

The pieces of your heart are strewn on the floor
I try to step over them, but can’t avoid them anymore.

Your heart is cracked, swollen and sore
The blood flowing inside is stagnant and poor.

Your heart has been mauled and pounded down.
It has been hacked and sliced and is turning brown.

But it continues to beat even though it is ripped and torn
It continues to sustain you in a state that is weak and worn.

How can the blood of life surge in your veins?
When a rampant germ infected you causing you horrible pain?

I can see the droplets of blood that continue to fall
The blood of hope splatter all over the wall

Your heart must be very stable and strong
To endure a marathon of doubt for so long.

I can’t believe a person can continue to live as you do
Overlooking, forgiving and remaining true.

This heavy heart of yours beats on and on
Non-stop rhythm of hope that never wans.

Have faith and courage and don’t let go
For a hand is reaching toward you ever so slow.


Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

I’m lost.
Where is my home?
Where do I belong?
Where will I find peace?

I’m lost.
My path is worn and I trip over
deadwood and dried out brush.
The wind is blowing away the
remnants of a life that once was.

I’m lost.
I think I want to go this way.
To a place where I will have it all.
But will I still be lost?

Where am I?
Why can’t I find my path to happiness?
I yearn for newness but am afraid of the unfamiliar.
I long for a full-filled life, but do nothing to fill my soul.
How can I find it when
I’m lost
To a life that is afraid to be lived.

Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

I remember lying my head on my mother’s lap
She sang me a story soothing me into a quiet nap.

She sang of a girl who was smart and sure.
She sang the words and her voice was gentle and pure.

This girl was on an adventure in a far-away land.
Searching for the secrets to hold in the palm of her hand.

This girl always found the answers as she followed her dreams.
She was strong and smart and the journey wasn’t as hard as it seems.

The child falls asleep fingers tickling her ear
She is safe for the moment and has no fear.

I want to be safe. I want to be sure.
I want a life to be something I just don’t have to endure.

I want to be happy. I want to be free.
But what does this mean to Cindy, to me?

Where is the girl who held tight to her prize
Is she this woman who won’t open her eyes?

Is this girl afraid of what she will see?
That life wasn’t as bad as she thought it to be.

Or will she journey to a place that is different and new
And discover that she answered the question—Who are you?

I lay on the floor my soul dissolving and melting from me.
A pressure is pushing onto my heart, I can’t move, breathe or see.
How can I become muscle and bones?
So I can stop the seepage of life, the tears and the moans.
The sadness overpowers me and kidnaps my mind.
The weakness of my pathetic being is cruel and unkind.
I’m oozing away as each minute goes by
Drowning in sadness, I gasp for air and I cry.

It would be nice to pick up eggs for you while I’m out
Save you some time
Knowing you won’t be hungry tonight

It would be nice to wash our cars together
Sharing the bucket
Shining our chrome bumpers to reflect our smiles

It would be nice to go to a wedding together
Wearing our new shoes
Dancing with the crowd and seeing only you

It would be nice to take a walk around the block
Holding hands
Feeling your warm fingers intertwined with mine

It would be nice to pick up shells on the beach
Footprints in the sand
Bending over to pick up that one perfect shell

It would be nice to look at the full moon
Moonlight shines bright
Illuminating our bodies we enjoy our nakedness

It would be nice to tell you good-night
Fluff up my pillow
Falling asleep cuddling you, I am content

Listen to the quiet, let the stillness calm your mind.
Hear the tinkling of the wind chimes playing music in a harmonious rhyme.

Feel the wind blowing gently across the curves of your face.
Touch the air with your thoughts of being present in such a beautiful place.

Smell the flowers blooming as they sprout up from the ground.
Breathe in the fragrance of peace that you have now found.

See a little white kitten rolling and sharpening her claws.
Watch her pounce on bugs, batting them with her black spotted paws.

Just close your eyes and invite nature into your sacred place.
Relax and feel the sunshine beaming down upon your face.

This is your special time to regenerate your soul.
Relaxing with nature is your only goal.

Become one with the wind, the flower and tree.
Absorb earth’s bounty and set your mind free.

There is no body, there is no face.
You have evaporated in the love of this magical place.

You have created this experience and it’s made just for  you. Cherish and come here often and let your spirit renew.

Round and round we spin.
I’m dizzy and disoriented
from swirling emotions that
leave me wanting to hold onto your hand.

Back and forth words are spoken.
Suspicions and wondering
twist our love into a ball of
turmoil that is trying to unravel.

Over and over we dance to the same song.
Rhythms of broken hearts
beat like raindrops against
the glass walls of our souls.

Up and down our lives rise and fall.
Days will be sunny or stormy
with clearing skies or thunderclouds that
build to a towering mountain of despair.

Trust each other and believe in us.
Cast the doubts and fears out to sea
where they will sink to the bottom of the ocean floor
to live amongst the wreckage that lies below.

I hate the sameness of security

I woke up one day and all reason was gone
Values and morals. Right and wrong.

All that I knew and once believed
Turns out I have been very deceived.

What a notion I discovered
An astonishing surprise that I uncovered.

The life that I thought I wanted to be
Is a prison that holds only me.

The life that I live is a lie
I want to be free before I die.

Unlock the chains that capture your mind
Open the door to freedom it’s yours to find.

Be brave and trust your heart
It only takes a step to make a fresh start.

Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

How will I know if I’ve made the right choice?
Will I hear a deep resonating powerful voice?
Telling me YES You are strong and secure.
          NO You are weak senseless and unsure.

How will I know that the future is mine?
Will I see an illuminating vision that is a sign?
Telling me YES This is where you belong.
          NO This idea of your was all wrong.

How will I know that happiness is within my reach?
Will I grasp an iron handle or a slippery leech?
Telling me YES Keep on trying, you’re almost there.
          NO How could you hurt those around you who care.

How will I know this journey going the right direction?
Will I smell a bouquet of roses or a putrid infection?
Telling me YES You chose the right course.
          NO Now your filled with regret and remorse.

How will I know that  Independence and I will meet?
Will the taste of freedom be sour or sweet?
Telling me YES Eat up, clean your plate.
          NO You’re starving but now it’s too late.

Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

You want it a world  that is perfection
but instead you feel hurt and rejection.
You can’t bear to look at this life that you see
so the blindfold covers the pain temporarily.

The blindfold that you wear
Can’t hide all of your feelings of despair.
You want desperately to leave the blindfold on
So your fantasy world won’t be gone.

Remove that blindfold from your eyes!
Face the frustration, the hurt and lies.
The blindfold only hid from view
the pain and sadness that you already knew.

As you begin to feel your soul start to heal.
Look around and see what is real.
See your life as it really can be
full of  joy, hope, love and honesty.


Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

Shimmer and flow
Wood Lake at sunset seems to emit a  soft glow.
Waves like edges move and dip
Feathering out, tumble and flip.

I hear the giggling of happy little girls
Dunking heads underwater and wetting their curls.
Scraggly young boys jump off a long pier
Showing their bravado that they have no fear.

Mallard ducks and tan little birds soar and float.
Passing patient people fishing off docks, or in a boat.
As I watch natures glory a gentle breeze caresses my sleeve.
I am at peace with myself with nothing to grieve.

I am very grateful for the time I spent here.
It gave me the chance to think with a mind that is crystal clear.
I was in my own world relaxing on my inflatable chair
With the sunshine as my companion floating here and there.

This quaint little lakehouse is a Godsend to friends
Who need  some time to heal, make changes or amends.
The owners are loving in spirit, generous and kind.
They open their home as a haven for the heart, soul and mind.

Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

Voices have choices, they speak of your need.
Voices that are mute cannot be freed.
Being mute and silent makes you scream inside.
Silencing the voices, your choices have died.

Speak up voices! Even though you are afraid to say.
Have courage and strength and take a risk along the way.
Will you feel despair or rejoice?
Only you will know if the voice made the right choice.


Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128

The silence of your presence
shouts to me and I have to cover my ears
as my pounding worries syncopate into a
crescendo of an unfinished symphony.

Where have you gone my love?
I wait and wonder why I am forgotten.
A trail of tears are my traveling companions
that lead me into a dark forest of dread.

All alone I sit with my sadness.
Dreaming of a life we might have shared.
I wake and realize that hope has flown away
joining the butterflies and bees blowing in the wind.

Come and join hands with me as we walk
together towards the light of loves’ warm rays.
Don’t close the door on me and leave me standing
alone in the light illuminating my loneliness and desire.

I don’t know how I feel
Do I feel sad?
    mad?
    lonely
    fake?
    Real?

I don’t know which way to go
I’m stuck
My body is trapped in pool of sticky muck

I don’t want to be here or go there
I am immobile so I sit and stare.
Or I spin around in a circle
Round and round turning purple

If only I could decide
Stop this never ending ride.
A trip that takes me nowhere
Nowhere is the place where I hide

Where do I belong
Every place I go feels wrong
I’m weak and confused
Why can’t I be strong?

Copyright *CindyRenouf @2010
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Cindy1128