It's in the *****, cluttered sheets,
that I see you.
In the strands of hairs,
that are left behind.
The constant humming,
as he slowly wakes up.
The extended arms,
and the simple smile as he looks at me.
These gestures and actions,
can't help but bring you to mind.
No longer in your bed,
but in anothers.
Wrapped in their arms,
and extremely far from yours.

I wish it were simple to say,
exactly what you'd like to hear.
You dragged me along,
for far too long.
How could I ever say "I love you too",
when I no longer do.
Yes,
I used to.
I loved you fully,
through and through.
But somehow that was never enough.
I've discovered something,
someone new.
Who loves far much more,
than your heart ever could.
No matter how hard I pushed,
you pushed right back.
When I fought for you,
you never gave a second glance.
But just as I began,
to walk away.
You extended your arms,
once again.

It was the way you looked at me,
when you told me you loved me.
It was the way you smiled,
when you said you wanted me forever.
It was the way you touched me,
when you almost lost me.
It was all those things,
that made me feel that for once,
I was getting what I truly needed.
And that was you.

I'm beginning to feel,
a little bit indifferent.
But only about you.
In my mind,
I thought we would be perfect.
But in reality,
we could never be.
I've set myself aside,
for no one but myself.
Incapable of being able to love another,
I'm hurting you in the process.
My selfish ways,
drag you along.
And I'm sorry,
for that.
And for much more.
Because I can't let you go,
no matter how much I should.
And I wont let you go,
because I know you're the best thing for me.

We boarded the train,
and you held my hand.
Your eyes were kind,
and your smile was soft.
Children skipped along to seats,
and others placed their luggage over head.
A man sat across from us,
and I couldn't help but stare.
Despite your hand around mine,
everything told me to let go.
While you were speaking to me,
I glanced at him.
His refined scruff,
and circular glasses.
He glanced my way,
but quickly turned back.
I no longer wanted to belong to anyone else,
but him.
But you next to me,
and kissed my cheek.
I tried to back away,
but you didn't notice.
The man would look over at me,
and would stare at our intertwined hands.
Realizing I could never be his,
we both looked away.
And so we reached our stop,
and I got off with you.
Your hand pulling me away,
I glanced one more time.
Just to upset myself a little more.

A disease that no doctor can diagnose.
Bumps appearing and disappearing,
in different spots and different sizes.
Something wanting to come out,
but trapped within the tight,
pale skin.
Going from office to office,
discovery never found.
A small itch here,
a large bump there.
Medicated for an unknown factor.
Living with it for years,
you eventually get used to them.
An oddity others would shriek at,
you continue to just live life.
One day everything will be fine,
and on other days the disease will resurface.
No explanation,
and no care to find out.
I would not call it giving up,
but rather accepting your own flaws.
Learning to live with this hidden beauty,
and ignoring the bypassing whispers.

Sitting in class,
I check my watch.
Time seems to pass,
but ever so slowly.
As I glance down again,
memories begin to arise.
Within this small,
and simply thing,
thoughts and conversations lie within.

Making the right decision at the time,
I walked into this store.
With no intention,
but to look around.
As I passed by items,
and glanced here and there.
Something caught my eye.
This grey band,
with a rose gold clock.
As I looked past the glass,
I couldn't help but beg for it within.

A gentleman came by,
but simply to help.
His intentions were pure,
and he convinced me so.
I tried on the watch,
and fell in love.
As he began to talk,
I suddenly fell for the second time.
His words were true,
and his smile was kind.
I couldn't help but stay,
for was it the watch,
or this man?
Both kept me in place,
a short conversation,
that meant so much.

As my mind began to race,
I knew I needed him,
rather than this watch.
I never believed in love at first sight,
or conversation I suppose.
But who could deny this.
Distance seemed to be the problem,
but I didn't care.
This was a man I would do anything for,
and I would still to this day.

A sudden call of my name,
and it seemed I had to leave.
So difficult to break away,
but I somehow did.
As I left,
I realized,
that I would never see this man again.

And somehow I was okay with that,
because I had the watch.

A buzzing noise all around,
making it weary for me to get rest.
This constant pestering sound,
riles me up.
Visually spotting the black fly,
I try to ignore it.
The more I push it away,
the more noise it makes.
Not being clear enough,
I must **** it.
Unable to be aware of its demise,
the fly continues to circle.
Throughout the room,
I chase it away.
But it always comes back,
for even more.
I name this fly Richard,
because it seems to be relentless.
Just like him.

A silly summer assignment,
that could be done in a day.
Constantly pushed away,
and left to linger.
Crossing my mind here and there,
but never fully acknowledged.
Deep within ,
I realize I must finish it.
I sit down and begin to read,
but my mind seems to stray.
Within arms reach,
lies my ever so lovely laptop.
Temptation overwhelms me,
and I place the book down.
Pages crinkling,
I don't bother to look.
Hours pass,
and the computer is still open.
Going within and out of sites,
cat videos and social networks.
A thought ponders,
that book, that story.
Closing the laptop,
I pick the hard copy up.
Struggling to finish a page,
I cowardly give up.
And suddenly I realize,
I probably should not have majored in English.

He invited me in,
but I kindly denied.
Regretting the words once they escaped my mouth,
I began to drive.
His first attempt,
and I let him down.
Without even noticing,
how much it meant.

I forgot where we were,
stuck in transit,
always waiting for you to make a move.
Always pacing yourself,
thinking you have time.
Without even realizing,
I'm slipping between the lines.
One soul takes a hold,
while you just watch.
Grab what you want,
before it's completely gone.
I can't wait forever,
no matter how hard I try.
Love knows no time they say,
but when other options approach,
what will I say?
You are not mine,
and I am not yours.
I keep forgetting where we were,
and how much longer,
till you claim me as your own.

Lend me a hand,
and help me find my way.
Lost within your blue eyes,
I tend to sway.
Such a sweet talker,
it's hard to read between the lines.
I try to leave,
but something always pulls me back.
That innocent smile,
makes me fall again.
Constantly getting up,
and preparing to flee.
Second guessing each time,
because I know what I want,
differs from what I need.
Affection and love is the desire,
but the baggage you bring along,
wears me thin.
Being alone is much better,
than the lies you always tell.
No longer can I be a fool,
at least not for you.

A casual kiss,
escalating far too fast.
I, myself, can not go into this,
without over thinking.
Thinking of the future,
while you just think about the next 5 minutes.
It upsets me quite a lot,
to realize that I'm wasting my time.
Discussing and over analyzing everything we do,
while for you this is just us,
being "friends".
A summer fling never hurts right?
Then why am I  stuck here,
wondering whether or not I should continue this.
Letting this die out seems best.
You'll be gone soon,
and I'll have no one.
So why drag this out further,
when we both now I'll be the only one,
broken hearted.

Given the chance,
I'd stay with you forever.
Your kiss grips me tightly,
and holds me from the truth.
Deceits and wrong intentions are all I can think of,
but I am constantly hoping,
and wishing that your love for me is true.
Not a doubt in my mind,
that you're withholding the truth.
But how can I help,
falling into your open arms.
Alone for years,
your company keeps me warm.
No longer able to stand,
the thought of you with someone else.
I push those feelings aside,
and leave without a goodbye.
To continue a life,
without the baggage that you carry alongside.

Seeking for help,
you come to my rescue.
So instantly attached,
a perfected match.
The distance causes a strain,
from two different coasts.
But a love like this,
could no longer be bought,
nor simply found.
Something created amongst ourselves.
A beach and a city,
will forever hold us apart.
All these thoughts,
over a short conversation.
But the moment that I had to go,
and leave you behind.
Will be the moment I regret the most.
Despite my feelings of sadness,
I know what that moment meant,
for you and I.
Which is why,
I smile whenever I hear your name.
Rather than cry.

You crave this certain need for attention,
but once given,
you can't help but look away.
This constant chase for affection,
has driven me mad.
So easily able to let go,
but something always draws me back.
Could it be your soft spoken ways?
Or the way your eyes crinkle with every smile?
I give you exactly what you desire,
but if feels as if it is always lacking.
No longer can I continuously give you my everything,
for nothing in return.
This muse must end so suddenly,
without a thought in mind.
Maybe it's the timing,
that just wasn't right.
Finding any excuse,
to drag myself away from you.

Meeting in such a conspicuous manner,
that makes you ashamed to discuss it with others.
Not a figment, or a catfish,
but could this be real?
From shared interests and conversations,
it seems your "soulmate" truly does exist.
And is evidently closer than you thought.
So take this leap of faith,
and fall in love.
Or withhold,
and search for someone new?
This fear of falsehood seems to restrain us,
but so does the thought of meeting through a screen.
Hoping for the best,
but preparing to be "cat fished"
I suppose.

Not feeling a single day older,
I let the years sink in.
A day we all loved as children,
seems to hold no significance anymore.
I suppose once you hit a certain mark,
everyone stops caring.
This withdrawal of joy,
changes the entire mood.
Not feeling a single day older,
and evidently not caring a single bit.

This unrequited love takes its toll.
A swoon of emotions constantly,
overwhelming me.
About 5 years,
and my heart still lingers in your presence.
Drawing me closer to what I've been hiding from.
A love that could never truly coexist,
and after 5 years,
I have become okay with that.

I should really rest.
Sleep is vital isn't it?
A few hours before the sun rises,
and here I am, wide awake.
Not a thought of remorse,
or tiredness.
Just allowing cloudy thoughts,
to fill my mind.
And I am simply,
wide awake.