i'm sure from time to time,
you still think
about the daughter
you left behind.
and you are reminded to
check in.
like,
when the phone bill comes in,
or when you forget the password to the Netflix account; or perhaps,
maybe even in those moments
where the guilt is eating you alive,
and you have no other choice but to call and ask how i'm doing.
you only do that,
to make yourself feel okay
about the decisions you've made.
so tell me,
what am i supposed to do to make myself feel okay?
because your lack of care and communication surely isn't doing the trick.
after all this time,
i'm still stuck
in a whirlwind of emotions.
trying to piece back together the family you tore apart.
trying to piece back together the daughter you tore apart.

you know,
i used to think i needed you
in these times of uncertainty.
i, about to embark on a journey
of motherhood,
without
my own mother
by my side.
but why would i,
ever want or need
the guidance
of someone
who abandoned their child.

you are no role model.