Everyday my soul cracks just a little.
Everyday my heart breaks.
And no one notices.
Am I that good of a pretender?
Or do they really not care about me?



*c.a

You would think that death will be wearing a black long cloak;
like Harry Potter’s scary and menacing dementors
You would think that death will be holding a scythe;
like the scary posters that you see on bookstores

but no,
instead of a black cloak
he wears a black coat;
instead of holding a scythe, he uses a pipe to smoke;
instead of backing out
you continued to hand down all your hopes

you can pull out all your clubs
and all your hearts
because in every turn, your anger, he will jumpstart
you can pull out all your spades
and all your diamonds
because in every turn, your bet will turn into thousands
you will never match to him
and maybe that’s why they call him grim

in the end you will realize that you will never win
in the darkness he will pull you in
thinking that it’s too late and now you’ve finally got the clue
that you can never cheat death but death can cheat you.



*c.a

1.
Denial
You still love me
I still love you
You wouldn't leave
You wouldn't do this to me
There is still an "us"
We're in this together
You made a promise, remember?

2.
Anger
Why?!
I was so good to you
Why the hell did you break me?!
Is it me?
Am I not enough?
Do you want somebody else?
Your promises are *******
You're a liar
*******
I hate you.

3.
Bargaining
If only I didn't say anything
If only I didn't ask how you were
If only I didn't push you
You wouldn't say, "I'm leaving."
You wouldn't say, "We're over."
You wouldn't say, "It's just that I don't love you anymore."

4.
Grief
I still cry myself to sleep
I still wear your shirt in bed
I still can't give your things back
I still wish for you to come back
I still miss you
I still need you
I still want you
I still love you.

5.
Acceptance
You will always be my ex
You will always be my past
Our stars may be aligned before
They've crossed paths
And now they've passed
You've made me stronger
Even after all the hurt
I'm grateful for your love
Thank you for loving me
I hope you're thankful too



*c.a

You weren't there
You didn't care
So please tell me
What reaction do you want to see?

I needed you
But what did you do?
Push me away
When I reach out to you every day

I'm tired of you
One day you're happy, one day you're blue
I can't keep up with your pace
Every time I see you, you wear a scowl on your face

From now on, I'll stand on my own feet
And let you do your own ****
Starting now, I won't care too
Because I'm so done pleasing you.



*c.a

I drowned
in the
sea of my
feelings
for you

The depth
so great
that even the
sunlight rays
can't reach

Maybe that's
how I slowly
deteriorated

How you
destroyed
me completely

I was
too busy focusing
on the good
that I
repressed
the bad

I was
too lost
in you that
I forgot myself

I forgot
how to swim;
how to go
back into
the light;
how to save
myself

But it
was too
late

All rational
thoughts of me
leaving you
left me

You were
my idea of
perfect

Maybe that's why
I am what I am
today

So broken
that no
one can ever
break me
again



*c.a

You
can’t fix
someone who
doesn’t
want to be fixed

You
can’t fix
someone if
you
don’t know
how

You
can’t fix
someone who
isn’t broken

You
can’t fix
someone if
you
are not sincere

You
can’t fix
someone who
won’t admit
that they are
broken inside

You
can’t fix
someone if
you
are not willing to
get hurt in the
process.



*c.a.

I died
when you asked
her out

I died
when your lips
touched hers

I died
when you told me
that you love her

I died
when you left
me all alone

And when I died
you brought her
to my funeral

That's when I died
all over
again.



*c.a