as you find me
lying here
you say to yourself
what do I care
I scream for mercy
I scream with pain
you look at me and say
whom is to blame
now I am dead
with nothing to bare
as I lay here
floating up high
thinking of why
I had to die

shock throws you off balance
and tears have blinded your eyes
your lips are pursed,
as if you're about to speak.
just silence.
his lips are moving,
but you hear nothing.
he's reaching for you,
to tell you how sorry he is,
but you feel no touch,
no warmth of his hands,
just shock.
confusion is coming
at you at light speed.
it hits you and so
does the hurt feeling
in your heart.
it feels like you've just
been hit by a MAC truck.

What roads have we taken to lead us to where we stand today?
Why do we make the decisions we do and how is it we meet the people we meet?
It’s said that everything happens for a reason and those reasons are up to destiny to determine. Though there are those of us who question the logic behind the things that surround us; we question why we meet such people and why things happen in the order in which they do. Will there ever be accurate answers to the questions we desire to be answered most? In many ways I believe there will never be true answers to any questions; those answers lay far beyond, in a place we may never physically reach.

We meet people and we fall in love. We fall backwards out of love and headfirst into a broader future. We accumulate new friendships and new relationships. Those friendships and relationships diminish and evaporate into a far off past. Then stop. Press forward. Déjà vu. Repeat. Flashes of pictures, laughter, and hearing a smile in the voice of the one you held the closet to your heart. What are the odds one may ask. But it’s truth.
Never take loving someone as a responsibility; it’s a choice, and it’s a part of you as a person to love. There is not one person who has never felt love.

love.
no such thing.
it’s a myth.
a complete lie.
don’t fall in love.
never.
even if it calls
for you with it’s
charming lullabies,
don’t listen.
run away.
run away screaming.
screaming apologies.
listen to me.
when loves’ claws
come out full and ready,
just hide.
please.
don’t fall in love.
don’t fall in love.
don’t fall in love.

He finds himself in connection
with a beautiful disaster.
A mess of gorgeous chaos.
She’s running away from
Everything that once was.
As he holds her tightly and
whispers in her ear she cries.
Her tears are held at bay
so they’re left unseen to
ease the pain and extinguish
the fear that is dwelling deep
within her heart.
He’s become her light; the only
one to take everything away.
He’s helped her realize that
happiness is no beautiful myth.
And that love is far from a lie.
They’re real and they’ve been
well hidden disguised in
this masquerade of her life.
The truth will soon be
unmasked and that life will
be forever faded away into her
bittersweet memories.

just a slip of the knife,
in any direction
and the blood forms
in beaded lines.
it stings and burns,
but feels better than
the other pain.
deeper and deeper
with every cut.
it rolls gently
down the wrist and
splatters onto the paper.
just hoping that
one of these cuts
will be the last.
but they're never
deep enough to take
a life.

your beauty is the
most powerful thing
that you shall ever
posses.
never let it fail you
keep letting yourself shine
never fade away
without beauty, you'll
live your life feeling
as if something's going
to always be missing.

laying in the middle
of my bathroom floor,
bleeding my heart out,
which is dying
inside my chest.
I scream loudly
within my skull.
but on the outside,
laughing,
because I have no tears
left to cry.
I wish for tears,
but they do not come.
only instead
my heart shatters more
and more.
and blood from my dying heart
gushes onto the floor.
soon I will be dead,
I am sure.
then there'd be
one less heart to mend...

I feel as if people will
see the scars beneath
my tattoos and forever
look at me differently.
judge me for who I was.
I feel as if people will
notice the cuts upon my
stars and bring me
own even further.
I'm in a galaxy of myself.
in this galaxy of my thoughts.
there's pain there;
lost love, incredible beauty
there no one can see
the scars upon my stars.

I want happiness
to invade my life.
fill my heart
and never leave.
if only I could freeze
time itself or go back
and live the good times
over again.
wanting and needing
are two completely
different things.
I want happiness
and I need it as well.
I've become blind to
love; everyone that
says they love me
all seem to lie.
that's why I say:
someone,
anyone
save me,
please.

"do hearts often break once they've stopped beating?" - Corpse Bride

no more questions.
because there will be no answers.
no more saying things
like I love you.
because I know you don't.
no more lying.
because it only causes pain.
no more believing
there is someone out there.
no more telling yourself,
that everything will be okay.
because there is no one there,
and you'll never be okay again.
all because of
too many questions,
too many lies,
and too much pain.
those are what causes heartbreak.
my heartbreak.

hearts break,
tears shed.
this unforeseen
life seems unbearable.
we go on in
uncompleted circles
searching…
the past snips
at your heels
asking to be
remembered
for only a
mere fraction
of a moment.
remember
all of the blood,
the tears,
the very words
which should
have been long
forgotten.
remember
why you’re
here today.
the things
that made you
take the roads
leading you
to the here
and now.
remember
how you came
to find
me.

Cascading waves of memories flood over you like an ocean swallowing you entirely engulfing your every move and stealing your every breath from within. Screaming and crying are disguised with one last breath. You awaken and to your demise find you were only in a far off dream.

pretty little flower
flashing star
broken soul
fall apart
listen to the music
never ride on
the roller coaster
of love.
run away.
save yourself.
now it’s too late.
shoot on by
rainbow bright
see the blood
raining down.
say goodbye.
for the 100th time.