Sedation
The only docility I know
A fire fueled by memories
Ascends from below
Impossible at most times not to show

Mangled
Self description at its best
The weight of mjolnir is firm on my chest
A punishment of the mind cursed to never rest
A crippled crow confined to its nest

Self pity
The most disgusting trait of all
Oh, but how much sweeter when you finally fall
Enthralled in a thro that ended at a wall,
A ceiling, a room, enclosed on all sides
Panic sets in human self has died

Animal
I never viewed it the same again
Aging, remembering pain within
Enhancing a view point that wont give in
I hate it all now. The earth, these people, this body I live in

Lit, the future remains so dully so
unknown intentions from a being cold as stone
reveling in itself for its own muse
itching and obsessing over self abuse
ultimately a swollen recluse
a chance to escape unlike no other to refuse
i try to seem happy but whats the use?
im tired of living and have the right to choose.

An effort insurmountable
Yet it is all in vein
Playing with emotions.
Ask again and again
A hatred for a process
With no logic to comply
A longing for a end
I want to ******* die

Pulses breathe throughout the skin
Permeating conscious,  biome

subterranean origination, it blinds
Clenching teeth until they break
Blood flows although barely awake
Pouring and filling the sphere where I reside. I awake with it full, drowning in the red dye

Every time when I awake
I feel it lingering, turns realism fake
What is the point when I’m so full of hate
Only myself does this love negate

I try to do what I can
But when gazing in the mirror it’s an image I can’t stand
Telling myself I’ll never be a man
A ***, a leech destroyed his own plans

What is this image in the reflection
I want to ****, ******, and maim anything it hopes for redemption
A creature that deserves nothing more
But a needle, deadly injection from a filthy *****
Wanting to die, breathing no more

At night I lay and weep
One thing in my mind the awareness keeps
I don’t want to wake up
After I fall asleep

The eyes can only see so much
  
Clinging to the awake, bursting, craving the meaning or touch
Another realm is upon us all
Waiting to antagonize, victimize, in dreams as we fall
  
Eternal
Images are imprinted in my brain
No words can define
They have no name
  
Torn, but still one
Maimed but all here
  
A blinding light will permeate the skin
Showing the knowledge
That was hidden from within
A crave for the awake, crave for knowledge, any hope that we can take
  
Fake, this consciousness is hollow
Little did they know it’s what’s inside they should follow
Search
They said it was all so fckng easy
Do well and please me
Punished forever if you tease me
Cannot withstand what lies ahead
Ignoring the teaching of those before
Anything questioning a noose strangling your head
Has no concept of what it’s like to be dead
Is there ever such a thing
I disagree; forever souls search to be one
  
The true meaning of this place, is that we were all along

This ******* thing will never fade
Ink gets thicker and thicker as I rip out each page
Undying rage
Has plagued my mind
I can’t help but hate everything that I find
My so called friends I resent them all
Users and losers I am glad they don’t call

I WANT TO CRUSH
Everything in my way
Hands clenched, veins are pumping
I can’t wait to inflict damage
Animal is all I can relate
How could there exist this much hate
Is it my fate because it feels so right
My anger consumes me and the only way I see is too fight

Every bruise is just a target
Every blood dripped can only fuel my lust for more
God this feeling is so pure
Animal instinctive I can no longer ignore
What for?
Why is it so? I don’t understand why I can’t let go
I’ll use any term anyway I ******* please
Criticize what you want but you’ll be begging on your knees
Please, don’t **** me is what I heard
The idea of sparing you to me is absurd

Crush
Your skull with a ******* bat
Who is laughing know after I did that?
The best thing to watch was your head cave in, fills me with such joy. My face still holds the grin
But again the rage surfaces
The only thing I truly know
If I keep it in any longer, I’m going to ******* blow

Come closer

Everything goes right through
Though the amount to wonder, to misunderstand, is all but misconstrued
A fight, a struggle, the start of a feud
All from a comment not meant to be rude

This moment did last a while
The memory of what happened is locked in a cranial file
A spewing concern blasphemed from this brain of bile
The ******* keeps coming in a never ending pile

What did this scream?
These lies are a figment, small parts of a dream
I hear your words and it’s not what it seems
I know you all too well; you’re just a ******* fiend

I stuck out and put it on the line
You don’t give a **** it’s not worth your time
Lie some more and tell me its fine
But I know the truth and you think I’m ******* blind

The call is yours and the one that’s made *****
You can only ride so long on your train of luck
When the horse gets burned it will start to buck
But like I said you don’t give a ****

This monster is deranged
A plague, faceless killing without a care
Bleeding itself dry
Repulsed at its own stare
No other hate could compare
But the words of an angel who is so fair……

Subside

A calm ocean breeze
BROUGHT IT DOWN TO ITS ******* KNEES
Only a solace alike could end all war
BUT NOTHING OF THIS MAGNITUDE HAS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE

Amazed, she is perfect and beautiful and the only
The only

One who will calm this beast
As it lays vulnerable yet not afraid of what its actions bequeathed
Bleed, it may deserve it but this monster doesn’t care
A million years pass by in a second of her stare
Unaware of what pain used to be
The rage inside did finally die
For now….

For now this abomination will continue to rest
Maybe gaining strength, preparing for the next
This harp playing angel circles him forever
Falling in love with the calm

Immortal tranquility seems so strong
Being risen from the earth so cold
Hated so much throughout his life
Who could’ve ever foretold?
“Not I” Breathed this calm monster

“Not I”

Undeniable, completion
What can be said?
I proved you wrong again and again.
Followed
Stalked, hunted, preyed upon
Forever
Forever a meaningless walk with no destination
Empty mind, forever
What are you?
Surely a creature even as feeble as you must have some goal. Walking towards somewhere
No goal, no where
Is this real?
No need for any form of sustenance, 10 days, 30 days, 78 days, 116 days later I still follow. This earth is larger than I could have ever imagined. Walking east, 2000 days have passed still walking.
An eternal desert barren of life, geographical differences, and sand
Rocks, dirt clumped too large to be considered sand
My compass is right according to the position of the sun. East is still the direction
No where have we arrived
An emptiness so lonely I am it now, the only other thing here is it. To which I continue to follow without question
Forgotten long ago why I follow this being, so long. I remember only to follow. Never looking back
If never seen this creatures face. It has the back of a ***** man. Rags for clothes, dreadlocked brown hair down to halfway its back
It cannot be human
I must observe closely so I run to it. So does it. As if it knew I was going to run the exact time I take off. Same speed, I’m not gaining a ******* inch. Stop
Breathe
So does it
Hmm…
Continue
Back always faces me, it knows I follow
It must
It seems it is always watching something.
I see nothing in front of it
I drop my water jug, as I pick it up I realize it is empty
Barren
Dry
Hot to touch.
How long has it been since it was full?
I don’t remember filling it, or even using it
I check my pack for something
Where is it?
It has been on my back this whole time I thought
Gone
My hands are empty
The jug has disappeared
What?
I have been focused on this person for so long. Have I lost need for sustenance as it?
Why?
Where have I been walking?
How long has it really been?
I’ve seen the sun set
I’ve dreamt of catching this person, reaching a destination. We fall asleep at synchronized times, as do we awake
Or do we?
I cannot remember fully the sun setting. Or raising for that matter it stays directly above my head blistering my scalp
It’s hot; the heat is merely getting to me
Continue
Wait, I panic
Pinch
I’m not dreaming
I must shout to this person
I don’t remember the last time I spoke, if I ever could. Mouth is as dry as this desert
“H-H-HELLO!” I crackled.
Someone is screaming behind me
I haven’t looked west since I started
The same being is facing its back to me when I turn around
I turn around same image, same distance.
What?
I look at my clothes, rags, barely covering my ******
The people that surround me are covered in the exact way
When I look at one then the other their hair moves in such a way as if they have quickly turned around like I just did
I move my arms as I stare at their backs. They mimic my movements exactly. There is not a giant mirror surrounding me. I would have hit it, and it would’ve showed my face. Not that I can remember what it looks like anymore, I can’t explain a ******* thing, confused, helpless alone with myself it seems
How eternal does it last?
One following the other upon millions?
I MUST BE DREAMING.
If so I will turn south
To walk side by side with them
Continue

Positive
These charges are not
Coursing energy through a million veins
Pneumatic machine pumps stamps so clean
A villainous intention, a horrible scream

Hurling past a galaxy or so
Traveling faster than a stone rock that was thrown
Inevitably stopping at something, but before it would slow
Full speed ahead

Technology is in the making
Exponential growth, reverse engineering can’t be faking
Truth is, these robots can think
More binary and cold, approaching and reveling in stink
Causing millions of crows to blink
Set a mark it is it it seeks
Pains foreshadow a turn of the tide
Feathering willows psychopaths and serial killers viewed outside
Hanging bodies and limbs on every branch that could be reached
The paranoia of conspiracies is really the same one that was preached
Different languages and dialects but always the same speech

Foreign sounds penetrate through skin
Bursting a love built within
Instilling a lust for blood, power, and sin
Which each person it’s over with a new begins
Never ending trends, population opposites the wish for it thin
Percentages calculate the numbers we know
When shown the specifics of these diseases
Minds eventually blow
Paranoia sets it, the number continues to grow

Loosely defined
A maniac, crazy running behind
Any concept that he holds true
Opposite of reality is what is perceived to you
A tree holds true to the promises it makes
Crushing the water, obliterating the wake
Movements mash monuments making morals miniscule masterpieces
Did you read that thesis?
It’s the motion that pleases, releases
Pouring elements through a cauldron of heat
Insurmountable energy grips at your feet
A smile on that faces is an admit to defeat
Wirelessly connecting the souls to a sheet

Music, I can see it played
Notes, phrases time signatures being made
Floating, flying into my eye
Tasting the melodies, turning my head to sigh
So much emotion it makes me cry
Why

The only thing that ever made sense
A truth spoken clearly from innocence
The weight of the words break the fence
Nothing can be so real, or so immense
Crushing a planet with a power so dense

Finally some resolution in my mind
The voices and spirits are no where I can find
Blind at once and all now can see
Blood dripping from my nose this is too much for me

The will of the many overpower not a thing
Suppress those emotions and morals, let freedom sting

Ready to pummel that head in the way
Altering and destroying every decision that is made
The ultimate backfire that won’t let up
This brain is failing me and I’m more than fed up
Loss of major motor skills
Walking like the dead
Lights are flickering, in and out from the faulty wirings in my head
Hearing loud noises and smelling sweet scents
But on grass of a lawn, body is forward bent
Face first in a pile of dog ****
Such a strong feeling of confusion and can’t get rid of it
I get up and start to walk
In my mind I am sitting and smoking
Blind to the reality of my body choking
Hoping for a simple escape
These drugs never wear off when I’m in this state

Free, these chains of steel
Repelled any real emotion I can ever feel
There out to get me I know it’s real
In the world where you know my body is limp
Grasping for air but brain once again fails it
Merely seven more minutes of brain activity left, I am still trapped
Memories of things that never happened
Feelings of regret and relief are more than gapping
I take a slice of that deathday cake
Never ever knowing that I’m not even awake
Fake

The end result is a losing battle for both sides
The fear encompassing has no place to hide
Bequeathing a new type of thought
Insanity, psychotic all symptoms of brain rot
Was I taught because all knowledge is gone
Using my pen to write a memoir of things I never did
Plenty of things seem to relate
In a way never before, such a feeling with power so great
This thing is now a part of me
Speaking truth in a voice of blasphemy
In each ear I can hear it so clear
Scary, pervasive, sometimes brings me fear
X, y and z you see
Just letters of dimensions that contain versions beautiful to see
Another you another me
We have spoken
They are truth
They are it
Inside my mind speaking of theories that here can’t be defined
His name is mine and we finally agree
Gained intelligence 6 and 7 8d
Cornering a thought that was chased for too long
A relief or reason why I’ve become so strong


Emotionally blank awoken by my own stank my arms are pinned so tightly to my chest
Padded room hair is sprawled in my face, ***** and feces everywhere
A man approaches plugging his nose
Force feeds me pills and speaks non sense
Then another with a hose
Cold, wet and feeling so ashamed
I wish to speak to the man from another that carries my name

Face to face I see me now
I can only hate but don’t wonder how
The destroyer of lives, has killed before
What’s stopping him now?
A method I can’t ignore
What happened before?
I’ll never tell
It lies in my brain
And I’ll see it in hell
Read my writing
Maybe you’ll know it well
Sacrificing for what
I've tried to console my self
But have anything but
A séance of reason
Is ultimate desire
It fuels my rage
But extinguishes the fire
Ingrained

The smell of burning hair in the air seems so unfair
Is there a reason to care? What happens if no one does?
Unnatural
The obscenity of a pure thought will only be censored when given to others
Keep it inside
Safe locked and never to be judged
This world is so cruel don’t give into that nudge
Faith
Only now will a man repress
Thoughts and feelings negated to confess
Shut out and put down
Submersed in deep waters will inevitably drown
Curse
This will one day hold true
Forget how to describe the sky blue
Robotic movements suppressed by cash
An undying love for art seems to last
A million deaths have died in the past
Meaningless efforts to a power so vast
Fight

made into something
i know im not
laying low
i cant be caught

dont take advice from that man
it ruined their lives
and diverged the plan
nothing can be replaced

fortunate i am
intrigued by this subject
obscuring the plan

golden boy i seem to be
hell raising demons and blasphemy
invented a cruelty named after me

what is this plague cause i cant feel a thing
someone stop that endless ring
doing wrong i can see a sting
above all i am king

wasted your ******* time
waiting forever in that line
but i see what there is to hide
you are all dead inside

i had everything i ever wanted
3 kids, fast cars, a big house, and a hot girlfriend
i didnt obey, i didnt give in
until i got caught
they took my cars my house my kids my girlfriend left me
i am an empty shell of the man i once was

chances taken feelings lost
never considered the cost
im ashamed of what ive done
it really wasnt worth the fun

all i want all i care i cant have it anymore
all i want all i care i cant have it anymore
all i want all i care i cant have it anymore
all i want all i care i cant have it anymore

now i regret

brain dead and feeling mean
no object is unbreakable no action is unforeseen

panic attack
panic attack
panic attack
panic attack

can i shake this craze
my tormentor is myself no exit exists in this maze

panic attack
panic attack
panic attack
panic attack

(repeat)

constant nightmares
change my mind
thinking things  not normal
nothing is fine
moral judgement
is out the door
im going insane
and begging for more

open now to an idea in tune
invented a scenery with a grotesque view
i am left in a empty room
with paint on the walls
shattered to oblivion
ready to fall
minuscule objects pervade my eyes
grown a hatred nothing left to despise

underneath a ****** mess
my brain is shattered
within my skull
seeing colors unreal but dull
fighting back against this haze
sanity is gone mind is erased

foreign ideas
**** my dreams
more influenced than
before it seems

im just a man with no remorse
im just a man running my course

whats yours is mine
whats mine is mine
any other attempt will turn you blind

taken back my thoughts are worn
made my escape
placenta is torn

******* i never wouldve thought
that one of my best friends would be so lost
with all our memories that we had
our sarebear has left and we are all so sad
within the group that became so close
the family i chose whom i love the most

i lost a sister in that ravine
sometimes this world can be so cruel, so ******* mean
i still cant believe that you re gone
the agony and pain never subsided they were wrong

were all expected to move on and forget
but i think about you everyday and its the biggest thing i regret
if we could only have that day
your last words to me solidified in my brain

you left too early and our family misses you so
in something so real that no one else could ever know
ill sing this song every time i ****** play
make sure everyone hears your name every ****** day
sarebear is gone and it kills me to say
i always knew how close we were and it ****** ***** your not here today
not a **** thing gives me hope
all the things they believe just to ****** cope

i know its ****** but its what i know
why the **** did you have to go
you know we loved you and it couldnt compare
ive never felt so angry for something so unfair

i love the great times that we all had
the only thing that makes me happy is remembering that
we had our time and thats all
alotta people loved you and i hope i have that when i fall

Gamma rays
Changed my blood
Doing things
Never thought I could
Nothing can
Hold me down
Ill make a crater
Out of this town

Sudden beats batter my head
Blinding senses weight to shed

As I know what I was taught
Cant help but feel that idea is shot
Crushing skulls and feeling mean
Wish you never see what ive seen

There is no blood I have left bled
Ive just begun weight to shed

Perfecting mass in such a way
Believe the pressures sure to stay
Unholy heat under my fist
You are the next name on my list

Pulsating through putrid masses
I wont calm down till this passes
The animal is barely fed
I still got more weight to shed

For regrets i have
And times i missed
I never thought
I could be so ******

War against any who approach
No method or trials
This is nothing that can be coached
Rage

Fallen friends ill avenge this yet
You thought i wouldnt **** wanna bet?
Youve taken all i knew
I now turn the crosshairs on you

Fueled by love
Compelled by hate
No man could reach a power this great
You try and try but will never overcome
I have the world under my thumb

I saw your hope crush
Felt your strikes
To me, but plush

Im calling you out
Here i am
Any resistance is futile by man

Taken away my mind is blown
Showing me things I shouldn't have been shown
The relenting ego is pounding my head
In a passionate resistance only in hues of red
I can only see the being created
No understanding or vision where it originated
Where is comfort if you all oppress
Where is relaxation when time is compressed
From fingers to bone you have nothing to show
While they live in peace looking down from their throne
What is this world if it has no even tone
Can we live in equality the answer is unknown
Greatness is all but real shame is the only thing we can feel
Desolation in an oasis

Sleeping, you are a goddess
There is nothing I have ever loved
If it wasn't you
There is nothing I could ever accomplish
If it wasn't with you
There is nothing in my life that ever meant a thing
Before I met you

The life I had previous to this
Was a waste of time and there's nothing I miss
So easily calmed with a kiss
Your voice is heaven, pure bliss
Angel couldn't come close
You have my soul and I can't believe you chose me
I know now I am here to protect, this perfect woman too prone to neglect
Abuse was no stranger to you
But now that I'm here there's not a thing I wouldn't do

born in a synapse of phrases
this idea ceases to amaze us
a repetition within this light
will only run out
if there's no one to fight
ignite this night because it is black
bring down the tower and take our city back
the only solution is whatever I lack
the talking bunny lists another on the stack
don't be late or you'll get chucked
this idea is firm still and you know you're ******
no will power can suppress
a contagion through verse
couldn't believe it would get any worse
this cradle game brought me to a hearse
what I believe is what I see
and I cant help but spew blasphemy
what I can tell is that our future doesn't hold well
the blood on my sheets
gives me no guilt
its just another piece
of this flower that's wilted
I gave it to you and now its deceased
you spread like wildfire, a ******* disease

return...
You never left me and I've grown so used
Day in and day out your opportunities I've refused
But I don't regret a single thing
The **** hits the fan and it hits with a sting
Man you never see to let up

Bias can only go so far
You know its all true but refuse my dead star
It is what we are
Collections of memories riddled with scars

Dawn, I see only the night
No sun to greet, only moon that barely lights
Nothing good is ever so
Look deeper and then you'll know
Everything you love will turn fake
Leaving your happiness and energy in a damaging wake
I've never put effort to keep my eyes shut
When my dreams burn surprising its anything but

Although in the same place
I feel anew, wearing another face
Stricken with solemn, sadness and tears
I thought I was cursed, I've had it for years
Your smile alone can bring hope
Give me a world where I don't have to cope
I've never felt a love so strong
So much emotion, this can never go wrong
No pain can amount to such joy
I'm ecstatic and overwhelmed once again a boy
So much has happened in separate lives
The only way it could play out is the way it did
Its meant to be babe, for you I'm undid
Naked and bare again not afraid of a thing
Because for you forever my heart will sing

Awake
This mind is fresh
Taken down thoughts lead to flesh
What more can I ask while wearing a mask?
To steal your soul before you can gasp
"Come with me I will fulfill your wildest desire, roaming freely and too close to the fire. No word to the wise when I look into your eyes, you see life as I watch it die"

Fluttering images escape the pupil
Black becomes grey
Another helpless victim to a relentless prey
I see it everyday
And so do you, look into what you view because in the end its mostly attempted voodoo untrue
Gasp

As I watch u sleep and hear u snore I can't help but adore
Just a child who may not be mine, I feel the love and obligation as it were true
Oh how I envy you, innocence I was once told
Is so pure, its ******* gold
A dead beat dad id like to beat dead
Doesn't care about one hair on your head
I may not be blood but ill give you my best
Give you rasberries and tickle your baby chest
Feed you and always care, your like a son to me. Ill always be there
I love your mother and you as well
Your gunna have lil brothers and sisters from me. I can tell
Your the coolest ******* kid I ever met
One thing I know ill never regret
Is being taught to be a dad, by lil dev

Radar cannot detect this creature
Giant hulking form penetrates the outer layer
Uncertain blob appearing and disappearing
Here.                                                                      There


Then over here.                    


And there.
We don't know what were looking at. Beyond our four dimensional universe there lies all but infinte more dimensions.
No way.
No way to ever understand, comprehend, we compare to man. Gross.
Beauty and death all in strike. I couldn't see a ******* thing. It blinded my third eye. Beast, outer, pervaded being. Unsure intentions. I arouse at its conscience

Chance taken in a flick of a hand
Not noticing consequence, driven by desire, unplanned
Resent
Wild
Unpredictable
Found out
Blistered mind
I can't see a ******* thing
Imprints on forehead of the wedding ring
you laugh
He cries
You live
They die

Masacistic
Artistic
Unnrelated
Annihilated
What I want
And what I need
Are two completly different things
What I see
And what you do
Show me now that is through
Its been too long
I can't wait
There is nothing to seal this fate
Can I see
What you do?
Or is it something odd inside of you

Shooting up and roiding out
Gets you ripped without no doubt

But in the end is it really your friend
When it takes over your body and kills again

As I pound the things my hands allow me to reach I relinquish belief and go against my preach

Little bottle of **** is all I got left

Born again is what I say I am a monster who got his way

Little bottle of **** that aims to please

No regrets for what I've done I bled your well dry so ill get another one

Little bottle of **** rips open my chest

Bring me creation so I can destroy these things you hold dearly to me are just a toy

Little bottle of **** brings me to my knees

Finally solidifying this uncontrollable rage
I am full of ****, tear u apart from this page
Firmly grabbing u by the neck
Squeezing and squeezing til my fingers touch my palm
Unlimited power as I stomp through the earth
Nothing can defeat, ****, vanquish, or subside
Unholy and unmerciful "I have no regret for the souls I've destroyed
You are nothing to me, fiction, merely a toy
Bow as I enslave you all
Following my every ******* word
Run as I call"

But relief will never come
I am the one you all empowered over and over
The one you pray to and ask for forgiveness
Ill crush you without a flinch

With thoughts of pain
And thoughts to strain
There is no weight
Like the one on my brain
With everything to lose
And everything to gain
There sits a monster
Claiming my name

A million pounds in his teeth clench
Unholy demise accompained with stench
I can only hate such a being
Who claims to be me
But when I notice the familiarity of his presence
I am enlightened by the inigma

As the clock ticks I regress
There is one thing I've yet to confess
When taking sight upon this hulking mass
I didn't give it enough time. I glanced too fast
I now know what I was looking through
That rusty old mirror with a harsh reflection
When I see my self in it I shudder in revoltion
Bleed. Please until there is non left
I've destroyed everything in my path and finally now can regret.
Alone in this ******* attic
Another voice appears trying to cause havoc
I can subside but for how long?
Will it even be worth it? To sing and write with my mind so strong
It is suppression
It is oppression
It is self hate
It is annihilate
It is power
It is want
It is ugly
Nothing to be proud to flaunt








As the clock ticks and I regress
There is one thing I've yet to confess

Water drips alone in this world I slowly take a sip. Undying love for those that have passed, why such a sweet girl could be taken so cruel. There are no morals, gods, anything to overrule. The only thing that made any sense is at the bottom of the rivine, innocence. Where will the soul go from there? Why did you have to go. We all miss you sarebear. Please know we won't forget. you were the sweetest and kindest and we all regret that night we lost you is burned in our brains. When we feel sad its cause we thought of your name. Can't help but put the blame. But who wouldve known that move in this ****** up game

Drained to the core there is feeling no more on my mouth has collected somany sores feeling incomplete as I step through the door. A collective of flying insects are berating my skin. So many bites, blisters all from within. Controlling slowly the manifestation of my brain, its been given up donated from too much strain. You may take it all for I ve no use. Built up and let down this earth is no excuse