sitting here
with all kinds of thoughts.
trying to force myself to think of god.
- instead thinking about a lost love.
trying to hold my emotions in
while repeating a prayer over n over
in my head.
i use to repeat the name of someone i loved
when i felt lost but now i realize that was where
i went wrong .
now looking out the window
in the dark ,i find a star
the loniest one to look upon
i try to push everything im feeling
deep inside and wipe each tear before it falls.
all the time trying to keep a smile on my face
while i talk to god.

im trapped inside my own mind
trapped
inprisoned
chained
and bound
i try to set myself free,
but i
stumble blindly
back into the darkn dungon
wet by my tears,slick by my slit wrist.
trapped
i try to untie my thoughts that haunt
me .memories that chase me ,
visions flashbacks,anxiety,tense
as i crawl through them .
im trapped.
i sink slowly as the night draws near.
trapped,
waiting
and waiting
to be rescued from myself.
but im trapped
in a cage that i built around me .

everytime i close my eyes i see your face,
i guess that means what i felt was true
if only you knew what you really meant to me
you would still be here and itd be proof it was meant to be .
maybe if only the truth was spoken without the lies
neither of us wouldve sat so many nights and cried .
far as i know now my life has ended ,the once special one for me
has left.
now i have to go
,drawing blood or a rope or poison
isnt the way i choose ,
for im all ready dieing slowly each night that i cant say i love you
knowing you cant return those words
please hurry and tell me good-bye
and remember im the one that went through so much
pain and shed enough tears
for the both of us
please hurry and tell me good-bye
i have to go before i breakdown and cant pretend to the world
.
please hurry and tell me good-bye
--please dont shed another tear,but smile because
you know im resting.

its gone.

What's gone? My mind?
Soul? No, I'm fine
Not really
Deep inside, something is missing
The love and tender kissing
She walked out without me
Now all I do is talk to myself
in the mirror, with my reflection
eyes closed i cant look at myself.
My heart is dead
will it make a resurrection
like jesus?
Once the wounds heal
And I'm loved for real
A type of love I can feel
But nobody loves me
Nobody cares
Nobody loves me
That nobody is me
I can't love myself because no one does
I'm all alone and no longer what I once was
But the only thing that keeps me alive
Is not knowing , willl it might all change?

im nobody ,noone loves me

Tonight I will sit and stare out my window while tears run down my cheeks and my mind races back to a time when you were mine;
I can close my eyes and feel your touch as my heart holds you close to me ,
then I see that look in your eyes as i stare up to the sky in the darkness everynight
, how can a love so right and strong be gone? Too many questions with no answers come to mind.
So I sit and stare out the window; I wonder. I hang my head in sorrow,
tonight I'm going to cry.
we might have only come to know each other
through something called the internet
but god handed it to us that way,
otherwise with the miles or distance
fate wouldnt have gone this way.
so tonight as i let it all out
i'll wipe my eyes as i'll cry
some more
when will i let it stop
i dont know
maybe after i take my last breath
and my heart fails to beat