you always tell me that
life is long but I'm not
sure it's long enough
for us to find our way
back to each other.

You’re the final rope
that’s been cast out to me
in the Northern Pacific
and I can’t feel my hands,
and I’m pretty sure there’s tiny icicles insides my veins,
and all I can think about is
how peaceful it would be for the ice
to make it’s way to my heart.

I can hardly feel my pulse.
I don’t want the rope,
take it away,
don’t you dare pull me to safety.
What’s my name again?
I can only remember yours.
No, I swear to God himself, I’m never grabbing that rope.
Let me rest and wash ashore far away from you.
I warned you, I always told you, it got harder to breathe
away from you.

I need you,
I need you,
I need you,
but it’s far too cold for me
to want you.

I sat alone another day.
The world was moving all around me,
but it seemed as if my life was in a standstill.
The doctors say its anxiety.
Everyone thinks anxiety means nervousness or fear,
but it is deeper than that.
Anxiety holds you prisoner.
You can't leave your house.

Ding
****
Ding
****

The doorbell rings but I can't answer.
There is too much fear inside.
You can't answer the phone.

Ring
Ring
Ring

"Telephone for you!" my family yells. I
tell them to say that I will call back, but I won't.
You can't eat.

Chomp
Bite
Chew

No, not me. The anxiety
even controls that. All the pain rushes back up with
every little thing I eat.
You can't go out.

Step
Step
Step

Everyone walking around me, but I can't move, the
apprehension paralyses me.
Everyone says, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I try to combat it all, but if I attempt to do anything,
it all starts over again.

Thump
Thump
Thump

My heart beats faster and faster.
I can feel it in my chest.

Beads of sweat
Racing
Falling
Running down my forehead.
All the thoughts swarm in my brain.
The fear picks up.
It is unbearable.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.
But then . . . I look outside.
I see the colours.
I see the life.
I see spirit.
I know I can do this.
Hope.
Fight.
Win.

Three am sadness,
This is new
I'm not usually up past two
My eyes are swollen
Tears betray me
Tossing and turning
My eyes are burning
And while I might not seem broken
I leave plenty of things unspoken
All my ghosts have come out to play
Haunting, teasing, taunting me today.

sometimes i forget that i'm letting go
because when falling away from you
i sometimes grab on again
and i try climbing back up
to where i was
but i keep slipping farther
and the rope burn only gets worse
my hands are bleeding
but my stubbornness won't let me
simply let go
not without a fight
because i can't let anything just be
easy.

If you’re gonna leave-leave completely
Because the thoughts of you
That consume my mind
Keep me up at night.

I hate the little things
that remind me of you.
I’m still pulling bits and pieces of me
From your quicksand.

And although I do like him a lot
He’s not you.
Why do I have hope
That this is redeemable
When it’s based on nothing?

So-here we are, you’re gone, and you left the door wide open ..
I haven’t had the strength
to close it yet

Ah, my friend
I've found you again
Drowning in the grey abyss of your own creation
The dark sea of worry that seems to swallow you every morning
The tide rises on the shore of our small island that will be dissolved by the hostile and thrashing waves of an angry ocean soon
You will drown and I will drown
Because your perception of the world is not as sound as some as some may have it.

If "settle" wasn't a bad
word I would tell you
all the time that it's what
I want to do with you.
Because your voice is the
only one I want to hear
humming in the kitchen
when the sun is barely
awake. You are the last
person whose quirks I
want to learn, whose
mouth I want to memorize
the taste of, whose body
I want to call my own.