Past.
A four letter word.
A concept that is hard to keep you in.

Past.
That's where you belong.
That's where I'll make you stay.

I.
I need to move on,
move forward
move up in my life.

You.
You're a block,
a detour
a learning experience.

Future.
That's where I'm heading
Walking past you
Walking towards my fate.

Leaving you in my dust,
Leaving you behind,
Leaving you in my past.

I am allowed to say no. In fact, I have the right to say no. My body is a temple, and I get to choose who gets to access the lower regions and the inner sanctum. You do not get to choose for me. You do not get to slide your slimey hands all over my body if I say no. You do not get to touch my **** or my front if I should say so.

Yet, many do not believe that a man has as much of a right to the word no as a woman. Let me tell you ladies and gents, I have just as much of a right to use and mean the word no as a woman does. I can get *****, assaulted, abused, bruised, and hurt, emotionally, physically, and mentally too.

Do you know how hard it is to get up, to go to bed, to sleep, to live with a smile on your face, when you're  looking for the next person who might want take advantage of you. Do you know how sick it makes me feel when someone calls me attractive because that's how he tried to convince that I'm okay with what he was doing? Do you know how hard it is to not flinch when a man casually touches me. Do you know how hard it is to survive when touch was the only thing that offered me true comfort, but now gives me panic attacks?

Do you know how hard it is to survive on a day to day basis when the right to say no was unwillingly taken away. Do you know how hard it is to smile and laugh, love yourself and your life while looking around every corner, trying to identify who the next attacker is, wondering the next time you'll be the victim?

I have just as much of the right to say no as anyone else. Just because I'm a man, because I'm always supposed to want to ***, because I'm confident in myself and my sexuality, does not mean you have the right to ignore words, ignore that I. Do. Not. Want. To. Do. Anything. With. You.

So many people say that they hold no stereotypes or expectations for other people, but the society I live in expects me not to have the right to say no. So thank you everyone, those who taught others that men can't say no, to those who tried to make me conform, and to those who say nothing at all because you, you make it easier for someone to take advantage of a man who doesn't know or believe he has the right to say no.

My heart beats fast, my hands move slow, as I explore this territory previously unknown.
Your lips are eager for more, yet content with where we are, as I whisper you promises of what's to come.
The heat in the room seems to cling to us two.
The shadows dance around the room, pushing us to do more.
Your teeth graze my neck and I forget the world outside of this room, letting everything go, until it's just you and me, grinding to some unheard beat.
Slowly clothes end up strewn about the room, and soft skin meets soft skin. Your muscles tense as you pick me up and I whimper.
We go from chair to wall to bed, unable to stop touching, unable to stop kissing.
You put me down, and get on top of me, only the thin fabric of our boxers fully separating us from where we want to go.
You stop kissing me, open your blue eyes and ask the silent question of if I want to keep going, I whimper in response.
Slowly down this path we continue until we come as close as two humans can be. He slowly thrusts into me, eyes staring deeply into mine.
We slowly move into a new tempo, go slow then fast, grunts, and words of love filling the room.
When we finish, and he falls asleep holding me, I know that this is the man who completes me.
I fall asleep snuggled into the arms of my man, smiling as I start to dream.

Wake up. Gather your surroundings.
Quietly gather last night's clothes which carry the remnants of *** and Cigarette smoke, as well as the alcohol that was spilt on you.
Try to quietly sneak out, but the floorboard squeaks and he wakes up.
One moment fills an eternity as he meets your eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, something that might be able to make you stay.
You run, run straight out of his room, slamming the door behind you.
Again, you must remember where you are, although it's hard to recognize a house, when the night before it was full of hot sweaty bodies.
Wonder around until you find your way downstairs.
Enter a room full of tired hungover people. Awkwardly smile and leave as they smile and laugh,
Leave the house with flaming cheeks.
Another walk of shame over, another time that you were to scared to say, "Can I please stay."

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sometimes, I wish I didn't love you.
Hills can be steep and hard to climb, but I keep willing myself to move forward up this hill, move forward with my life.
This liquid is spicy and warm as it flows down my throat, burning away my fears, angers, morals, achievements, inhibitions, burning away everything until even the memory of you is gone.
Darkness starts to descend, and I wonder if I'll keep the lights on tonight, or finally surrender myself to the dark.
The tide rises with the pros of staying and ebbs with the cons of leaving.
And I jump deep into the water, open my eyes in this surreal place.
The full moon shines bright as I surface above the water, knowing that tonight is another night that I will stay, knowing tomorrow is another day of hoping for the best.
What doesn't **** you will make you stronger, if you let it.

Hey, Hey look at me.
I'm more then the eyes can read, but all you see is what seems to be.

Hey, Hey look over here.
I am by no means invisible, but I'm also not just a passing concept. For me, I am always a constant.

Hey, Hey when will you see?
I am a person searching for happiness, carrying a bright light of hope, when surrounded by darkness.

Hey, Hey you.
Why can't you hold your own light? Why does my light scare you away?

Hey, Hey I'm here.
When will people see there is more than just a face, a smile, a laugh, a brightness, and a presence to me. When will people see I'm a complex human being?

You think you know me as I walk down the street.
You notice the sway in my hips, the way I dress, and the fast but even steps I take.
Then you do it, you try to take me down, based on stereotypes and your lack of knowledge.

“Hey ****” you yell, trying to rip me down, make me worthless.
“How much are you, I wanna take you home with me” Trying to buy me, make me your toy.

You don’t realize how bad you want it, you want to see the prize hanging between my thighs, and you want to feel the gentle sway of my semi-plump *** as I ride to the beat of your satisfied moans. You want to feel the hard curves of my body, and see the ***-crazed look in my eyes.

You want me because I emit confidence, and you see me as this concept, this thing that you cannot reach. You, the straight, privileged man, then try to tear me down because I am a concept you want but cannot have.

But Darling, I am untamable, uncatchable, and to confident to be taken down by your remarks. I am attractive, intelligent, ****, and know how to flaunt all that I have, and if I don’t have something then I go and get it. You let your fear hold you back. You try to bully others to feel the same. Knock me down all you want, because you’re really mad that you can’t take me to your bed.