An oral fixation
Perhaps falsified, as an excuse-
Skin, turned to hard rubber
Lips, turned to lust
A tongue, turned to love

A caress doesn't have to come from hands.

The way you hold me in your sleep
The way you mumble through your snores
The way you always make fun of my noises
The way I can make fun of yours.

Your eyes, your lips, your smile, your touch.
Your hands and the arms that reach.
Your height, your sandals, your silly t-shirts.
How easy you are to teach.

The way you can always make me laugh
The way you don't make me embarrassed to cry
The way you make me feel like everything
The way you never lie.

Your thoughts and your mind and your heart and your soul
Your fantastic spaghetti dinners.
Your hair, your beard, your manly features
How you let me be the winner.

The way you make me hope for the future
(I hope you hope for it too.)
The way you allude to it, on occasion.
The way you refreshed me, anew.

Purged of poison, but still not clean.
The aftermath has left weight
Hot, liquid lead swimming in my mind
Hardening onto my shoulders.

I could never hate you,
Could never even believe I could try.

Ideals should be made of spun gold,
Not cramped into twisted iron.

I just want to be free.

It's kind of funny when things fall apart
Especially since that's supposed to be an idiom.
But you were a ****** builder, so all my foundations are shaking.

A father is supposed to be something strong, stable
Consistent and comfortable.
Maybe that's why you had the sign-
"Anyone can be a father
It takes someone special to be a daddy".
Turns out you aren't really either of those.

You never wanted me and I never wanted you
At least, that's what I'll tell myself.
It'll make my life easier
And apparently easier is always better, in your eyes.

I want to burn that desk you bought me.
It doesn't hold my computer anyway
And now I think it's ugly, not classy.
Just like you.

You built this bed and you fixed my car and you taught me about computers and for years, for years I just wanted to be enough.
I wonder if she'll be enough.
But apparently you've ****** her up too.

I wish I could understand what kind of person you are
And I wish that there wasn't proof
And I wish, I wish, I wish when you said you were going fishing
You would actually go fishing.

My ceiling has asbestos
And my tiles are moldy
And my wood floors are rotting, falling apart.

You shouldn't have even tried.

Broken
Shut down
Demolished and destroyed

Brought down to her knees
Literally, literally brought down
Face to face with porcelin and water.

Purge, purge, purge
Empty the empty
Break down and out
Out, out, no way out...

Betrayed
Dismissed
Returned, replaced, retried
Falsify your family, break it down
Let it out

Praise thee, mighty nothingness.

I know what I should be writing about
But I can't.
Not yet.

I can't think about it.
I can't feel about.

I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

I'm just glad you'll be there
When I have to.

You know you can make me forget
So please, just make me forget.
Make it go away.

Whisper through my screaming thoughts,
Kiss me through the blood in my mouth.
Hold me through the steel bars I'm feeling surround me.

Make it go away.

Just kiss me, kiss me please!
For when our lips meet
The world melts.
I melt.
Liquid can't think, either.
Liquid can't be tortured.
Liquid can't cry.

Envelope me with your body;
Make me believe in man again.
Or at least let me forget what I know of them.

Desperately me body needs a distraction
A release, a vent
It needs you.
I need you.

I need you.