I want to struggle against your restraints.
I want you to lose control.
I want to lose control.

Force is not a ***** word.

I want you to
show
me
what
you're
made
of.

His fingers barely brush my body
It may only be atoms connecting
Molecules bonding between the two.
He uses them to read me
As if my skin is covered with Braille texts
And he's trying to find the answer to a riddle.

The ache in my brain
May be from the alcohol
Or it may be from the intensity.
Maybe too many sensations
Can cause brain cancer.

The memories play in my head
Like a silent movie.
The kind with mustache-twirling villains.
Except in this movie there is no villain
Just a man and a woman
And whiskey and a pool.

Tomorrow his sweet nothings
Will run through my head
Though they're far more than sweet
And far more than nothing.

I cannot need anything more
Than his hands.
His electricity will power my heart.
I cannot need anything more
Than his words.
His soundwaves will bring me to perfection.

I don't even have to specify
And you know what I mean
As if you read my mind.
You don't push me
But you don't fear me
And you are actually man, not boy.
You understand me
The way no one else ever has.

Just as importantly,
You want me to be happy
At the expense of your blue *****
Which I'm sure are quite prolific.
I've not been this wet in months
And you haven't even touched me.

I've written three poems in this same box
In the last five minutes.
All on the topic of your words
And your mind
And mine, in comparison.
One mimicked your style
Another, dissected your phrase.
The other, not even worth mentioning.
My words never came out right
Especially since I was comparing them to yours.
I don't know you. You are an imaginary human
On the other end of a fictional wire.
But I stumbled upon your poems
And was blinded by the flame.
My hands press the keys reluctantly
Knowing that it is fruitless
My brain has been destroyed
And I can no longer understand any sensations to transcribe.
Your skill frightens me
In that it shows me who else is out there
And how I measure up
And, as usual, I am a foot short.
I hope you never stop
Because if you continue leaking like you do
Maybe one day I can soak up a bit of your radioactive words
And gain some super powers of my own.

I let you into my safe, where I keep my heart
And gave you access to words, rare and true.
My moral compass shook, needle spinning
I guess we were near a pole.

I've shown you what I am and how bad I am at navigation
Who I am, inside. What I think.

I don't know what it means
Or I'm just not mentioning what we both know.

I just want you to know me.

I'm well aware it should be over
(unless it's just the hormones talking).
I'm not the kind of person he really wants
Other than "white" and "female".
He's not the kind of person i really want
Other than "nice".
We just fell together
Two lonely teenagers in the dark.
But every time I imagine it
(Me ending it)
I just see his face when I tried last.
That crazed look
The breaking down
The begging
That slightly disturbing dependency.
There's no way I can do that again.
Right?

I can't hold that burden.

(Can I?)

You wouldn't believe
The thrill that goes through me
When you say I'm pretty.
The tingles you summon when you touch me
Are electric enough to power the country.
By the time you walk me home
The wetness you inspire has taken control of my legs
Or lost control, I guess.
I will take whatever you feel you can give me
And what you've given so far, gives you a halo.