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I don't pull the strings of fate
but I could cut them
there is a bottle of pills upstairs
as sharp as scissors
and ready to bite away at destiny
I shan't! I wouldn't!
But my innards ache
for a world I cannot and can never have!
So why wouldn't I take control of fate?
I don't weave the tapestries
but I can unwind them
hello words
good evening friends
console my mewling lips
with the hot coals of recognition
please feed my habit
of eating fire
and burning from inside out
I want to run
and throw my arms out at my sides
laugh and cry in the night
and feel everything I have struggled to bottle
That's all
I want to know what it is to be human again
not the saturated product of equalizing tokens
that melt in my throat
and hold me in place as who I am

The fear has subsided
The voices, the faces
but what am I?
My leg is broken
and I can't stand for very long
no matter how quickly I hobble
I cannot keep up with my running spirit
who is tired or being tired out
the telephone
more than the texting feature
is the most important thing
in my life

though i click on a keyboard all day
i need humanity to come through

with a text
you can ignore it
you can flip over your phone
you can be busy
you can be annoyed
you could be playing hard to get
or asleep
or shy
or just uncaring
and all of that turns into noise inside this tin foil cap i call a head
until

the raindrop hits a still puddle of oil
and your voice ripples the rainbows far to the edges
spilling out into the cosmos
saying
we were here

I want to hear Your voice
You could be Anybody
but You are You
The music maker
who makes beauty of discourse
i need these nighttime talks
and tonight
i don't get one
You
are
never
there
                                  you say it hurts you so badly when i'm hurting
                                 and you weep for me on the telephone when i can barely keep myself awake
                               where were you when i was panicking again?
                                   where were you when i saw something that made me smile?
                                 where were you when i broke my leg?
some days
   i wish i was one of your friends
so you would spend as much time on me
as you do on them
i don't
know
what to say
to anyone
anymore
can't can't
i'm not i'm not
i'm not here for speaking
i'm bad
and i'm usually so good
what's happened with me
what's happened with me?
loud
loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud             can you even                                                                              
hear yourself                     loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud
over all this
loudness
in your mind
in your dreams?
is it guilt?
do you need space?
loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loud loudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudl­oudloudloudloudloudloud
loudloudloudloudloudloudloudoudloudloudlo­udloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloudloud
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