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RX
It is so hard to swallow pills whole
they fight you at every effort
and when the day comes that you have swallowed too many,
your tongue will try and push them out
begging you
to please stop,
to live with the headache, the stomach ache, the pulled muscles and joint pain.
Refusing to be sixty at seventeen, you ignore it
and force yourself to swallow.
Anything to stay loose
and to stop the pounding in my head.
Stomach ulcers, blood clots
Doctors say I'm a hypochondriac
I know that I am
but the pills help
they do
all the asprin and ibuprophin
I think my body is half Clariton
Reverse bulimia
I make myself swallow
I yelled at him last night
for no real reason
I was happy and then a shot gun champagne cork
it just happened.
He recoiled, afraid.
Had I not just been laughing?
Joking?
And suddenly Hell reared its head
for a second
just long enough to snarl
Shut up shut up SHUT UP
He took pause, and I apologized profusely
I wasn't expecting
this wasn't your fault.
He just held my shoulders through the telephone
and pulled me to him
whispering softly
I am never afraid of you

Only afraid for you.
I grew up a girl of the cliffs
where the houses would hang on for dear life
and those wild ones hang on behind the trees
glaring down from yellow lit windows
as if wondering if it's worth it to succumb to gravity and pounce upon the cars below.

I grew up with my feet in the creeks
loving how sharp rocks felt beneath
we are the kings of those mighty rivers
but every so often
they reach up and bite us
sweeping us
till only the wilds remained
and we have remained!

I grew up a girl under fairy lights
with towers rocketing up above holding my breath in long tunnels choked by sweat
and battling mountains.

We all know how our city speaks
wild and loud, a sort of twinge
voices are a different language to those who
do not already understand.

We are the wild things
crawling, running, laughing,
where really a city never should have been
Still it stands,
old as the nation,
no, older!
Waiting

look through the trees
glaring with golden eyes
with smoke stacks
with steel mills belching fire
bridges like reaching spider legs
holding music and art and Oh! These lives!
We are Kings
and we wait to pounce.
My Grandmother loves cussing
she loves laughter, and artwork,
she used to be a Nun
and her Catholicism runs as thick and deep as the veins of coal beneath the city.
When the pope was named, she wept for joy
"A progressive! There is still good in the church!"
The dinner she made that night,
Kielbasa, pirogies,
my atheist parents sat by nervously.
My Grandmother cares not for your faith, though
she cares for your soul.
Moon light
how close it is to who you are
floating gently over me,
smoothing out my mind.
I am afraid of falling asleep,
but I know you are always there
standing guard.
The moon light kisses me all over
the floating strands of your love
cast to me from so far away.

Just last night, I woke up again
and heard all the noises in my house
a childish fear, but, if I had slept,
the leather man
the skinless man
the rapists and the rest
would
would
would

The moonlight was there to hold my hand
and I could almost hear your voice
That I needn't be frightened
That you were there.
God, I can't wait till that's true again.
There are few sounds so grand
and that of a hot dog splitting its casing
as it heats on the grill.
Even as a vegetarian, I missed hot dogs.
And yes, I know what we don't know what's in them
and yes, I know the barbarism of eating them
But do you know something?
It is a perfect summer evening
I am leaning over the grill
and the afternoons are long and hot.
I have one glass of pink lemonade, and,  I swear,
it is sweating more than I am.
It is a perfect summer day
and this is my last summer, really;
next year it's college,
and then work and a family
and all those grown up things
and by the time I can really enjoy a summer day again
is when I am weathered and bent
and can't leap spryly at the chance.
So I will eat my hot dogs
and my coke-cola
and everything that I am already nervous of,
and I will slide down the waterfalls at Fall Run park,
and talk to my beau until four in the morning,
and throw parties with my friends around the camp fires,
and go to plays, and base ball games, and concerts.
I will do it all and more
and revel in the sound
of snapping hot dog cases.
When I write, I ******* words
same with when I paint
or sing
or speak
spurting them out, splashing your overcoat and making you pause to think
ever so briefly, in the space of the breath of a moth
and then flutter by.
Spouting feeling, as I do, is good enough for many
true! it is good enough for me to make a living
and I sell these paintings
as a ******* her body
but insisting I will be a star some day.
I can achieve that, though, only if I stop spouting
and start pushing
I want my feeling
to be a pressure washer
cutting off that suit
and wounding,
and shocking,
and caressing,
and kissing.
I want you to leave different
and to remember.
So for practice, I will spout until I sleep.
Pass a tissue, please.
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