Painkillers on an empty stomach
Because once it’s too late
Everything comes right back up
You try to convince your body that your stomach is empty
As your body spasms violently until you throw up acids

You worry about your teeth
On your way to your bed
Hugging your bucket, the only thing real and physical
You rest your head, carefully lowering it
Still you feel your blood blindingly rushing to your head

Your dark room is to bright
Your quiet house too loud
Noise pierces through your ears into your brain
Your bed exists too much
Every movement sends waves of pain through your head

You can’t sleep on your back, but you can’t turn around
You can’t sob, so the tears silently roll into your ears
You can’t move your face, it has to be frozen
You want your mommy, but you can’t call
So every breath has a name, murmured against the pain: mommy, mommy, mommy

Mommy comes checking on you rarely
She’s afraid to come, because she knows she’ll only cause more pain
She opens the door as quietly as she can
She puts a cool wet cloth on your forehead as careful as she can
As your eyes flutter, you see her helplessly watch her child suffer

Your mind is far away
And your body takes control
But the pain comes with you
Nothing but the pain is real
With every wave of pain you wonder if this time it’ll be enough pain to pass out

As every second stretches to infinity
Past and future blur and vanish
This is your whole existence now
As merciful darkness unfolds around you
You calmly wonder if It’s sleep or death

They tell you not to smoke cigarettes,
you are too young anyway.
Where there is a will, there is a way
They won't let you smoke a hookah,
it's even worse!
Where there is a will, there is a way
They forbid drinking at your age,
they call it underage drinking.
Where there is a will, there is a way
They tell you **** is dangerous,
if they found out, you're ******.
Where there is a will, there is a way
They tell you not to combine alcohol and ****,
even less when it's wodka and out of a ****.
Where there is a will, there is a way
They fence in the roof of the highest tower,
the teacher says there's been too many jumpers.
Where there is a will, there is a way

They can't understand you,
they won't let you escape.
Where there is a will, there is a way

Oh, please leave!
All you cause is grieve
I can't stand you any longer
The pain doesn't really make me stronger
My hopes been dashed just too often
The pain of every dashed hope will not soften
Oh, please leave!
All you cause is grieve...

I always try to be not too happy
Because my luck is gappy
I prefer to be always down
Than falling again and again
I freely give away my crown
To protect me from pain
Cause to hit the ground
Causes an irreparable wound

The pain sets in
Happiness is as thin as skin
I am afraid of being happy
Because happiness is treacherous
And quotes about it are sappy
To believe them is dangerous
I rather live through a veil
Than to admit my fail

I can't trust anyone
No matter how hard I try
'Cause I've learnt my lesson
And know I can't believe my eye

The one I once let in
Disillusioned me forever
Taught me that feelings are a deadly sin
Can't manage to get rid of them, however

I'm condemned to never lose control
To push away anyone that comes close
To enchain heart and soul
To make sure no one knows

This way I'm always alone
Hurt those who adore me
Seem to others as if from stone
Because from any endearment I flee

I can't trust anyone.

I am a ruin.

I am all wrecked
Do act correct
The way people expect
Do seem perfect
Like I have nothing to regret

Always trying to be pleasing
But inside I'm leaving
And nothing can keep me from dreaming
'Cause dreaming keeps me from freezing
While freezing keeps me from healing

I am all wrecked
Doing things people wouldn't expect
Not correct
And not perfect
With lots to regret

I drink, like I'm obsessed
Boys look at me impressed
Want me to do what they request
Think me completely messed
And I am at best, if not ... depressed

I can't let go of what destroys me
Probably drink a lot to flee
And smoke so many to feel free
But can't find the key
To make me happy

I'm all wrecked

I am a ruin

Shadow in my soul
Shadow in a hole

Shadow in my heart
Shadow in the dark

Shadow in my eyes
Shadow in the skies

Shadow in my brain
Shadow makin' insane

Shadow in my vein
Shadow causin' pain

Shadow in my sleep
Shadow makin' me weep

Shadow gettin' thinner
Unveiling a sinner

Shadow gettin' thicker
Not a light's flicker

My heart sinks to the ground
To it it's bound
I wonder: will you come around?
With you it'll be unbound

You would hold it high
Making it feel the deep blue sky
Where it wouldn't wish to die
So it had no need to cry

Unloved I live an
Unlovely life, treated
Unloving by people I'm
Unable to love
Unlovable I am treating people
Unlovingly myself

Unlovable in the literal sense:
the impossibility of being loved

If someone ripped me
-just as you did foresee-
in tiny litte pieces
and my sense increases

You'll be there
to get me out of the affair
and find every little piece
so I won't decease

If someone ripped me in tiny litte pieces
painfully the face creases
you'll make sure my mind releases
my heart, my soul, my sense deceases

Then you'll stick me together
make my heart light as a feather
my whole self feel better
with you I won't shatter

How am I supposed to talk to you?
To me that doesn't seem secure

My trust in you didn't grow
You missed it in your overflow

If you would forego
I could follow though

I feel like on a floe
Wavering in an icy show



You demand my words
But I want to be free like birds

When I tried to talk I was unheard
Making me a flightless bird

Tell me, tell me
What do you feel?

Tell me, tell me
Can you believe?

Tell me, tell me
Do you steal?

I tell you what I feel:
I love you
That much, I almost overdo!

I tell you what I believe:
I believe
In you and me!

I tell you what you stole:
You stole my heart
But that's only my part!

For real love we need two
So tell me about you:
What do you feel?
Can you believe?
Do you steal?

"Let me, let me
Let me in
inside your heart"

"Show me, Show me
Show me how to let you
inside my heart"

"Let me, let me
Let me see
you smile"

"Show me, Show me
Show me how to
smile"

"Let me, let me
Let me see
your soul"

"Show me, Show me
Show me how to open up
my soul"

"Look at me, look at me
Look at me and see:
I show you what I feel,
just do the same to me!"

"Teach me, teach me
Teach me how to trust
Someone that much,
without being judged!"

Do you feel the moon?
As she will fade so soon...
Coming back only at night
Never to see the sunlight

Do you see her smile?
Or, at least, not cry...
Is she happy, is she sad; we won't know
But she doesn't look delighted, though

She's moving through the sky
Following nature up high
Never touching land
Until the end...