You make me feel worthless.
An old piece of jewelry once pretty
worn down by time with rust and familiarity  

Replaceable. As if any girl could rub you the right way and
Your gone, a simple game of touch-and-go that
I just can't seem to win.

When did I become so ordinary?
Am I not so shiny copper penny new?
Am I not quite so very interesting, crisply witty remarks ridden?

I look in the mirror and I see beauty.
****. Funny. Perfection.
I see you whispering pretty things into my neck
in the dark quiet of your room, muted tv light dancing over our
flushed skin.

I see you falling asleep smiling at my eyes
touching me So tender, holding me against your body.
My name escaping your teeth clenched so tight by
lust, desire, fire in your veins singing sweet symphonies
that I started.

But then I look again. and I see sub-par
Negligible. Dull. Grotesque.
I see shaky escuses to lead me to the door,
selective hearing that refuse to acknowledge heavy questions
weighing on my shoulders, leaving me so completely alone.
So. Completely. Cold.

Is it possible to be in love with a feeling?
To love not the person, nor object, but
That stirring in your soul you can’t describe?
Like walking on your tip-tap-toes
On a slippery kitchen floor? Or catching
Every perfect snowflake on your eager tongue?
Is it feasible that the object of your affection
Is not an object at all, but the crackling,
Giggling flames spreading warmth deep down
In the bottom of your flopping belly? A feeling
So beautiful, so much more worthy than I.

I am from noise.
From a womb that was too crowded
and a million hospital wires
In a tiny broken body.

I am from laughter.
From towering Christmas trees and squash soup.
(Bright orange, it tasted like warmth)

I am from music.
From constant choir chants and piano fingers
Scrambling and hurried, excited.

I am from Michelle my Belle
From a full hectic house and gravestones
That never made the cut, no matter how artistic.

I am from a rusty fifteen passenger van.
From Rodgers and Frere Jacque.
Dancing bare feet on the cold white cement.

I am from Roots and Wings
From “that’s my girl!”
And “I’m sorry for your loss”

I am from hot cinnamon skin,
Glistening with sweat.
From a hard day’s work and “If you get better”

I am from squinting eyes and skeptical looks.
From the big oak tree leaves you could touch if you
Reached high enough.
And screams echoing everywhere.

I am from footsteps getting the laundry
From black and white movies that a child
Should never watch.
And gingersnaps with a hint of smoke.

In a black bound notebook,
Covered with crayon marks crazy
Within every lined page are my days I lived
My horizons are laced with uncertainties
I hide them under my pillow
Listen to ghost footsteps
And cradle Sunny to sleep.

He gave me the key to heaven on earth
He being the man in the orange jumpsuit with the dreds
Out on a patio smoking cigarettes, apathetic
It tasted like grated demon bones

He being the man in the orange jumpsuit with the dreds
Twenty dollars I didn’t have was more than worth it
It tasted like grated demon bones
A five hour violent ****** spilling out of my anatomy

Twenty dollars I didn’t have was more than worth it
It punched me in the face and knocked me to the floor, dry heaving
A five hour violent ****** spilling out of my anatomy
I hold a hurricane in my body, blowing my mind destructively.

It punched me in the face and knocked me to the floor, dry heaving
A collection of extraordinary sensations imprinting my psych.
I hold a hurricane in my body, blowing my mind destructively.
Explosions of laughter, I’ve never felt anything so plasticy.

A collection of extraordinary sensations imprinting my psych
Out on a patio smoking cigarettes, apathetic
Explosions of laughter, I’ve never felt anything so plasticy.
He gave me the key to heaven on earth.

I want you
I need you
Gotta have you
Taste you
Feel you
Touch you, ah
So hot, so warm
Ouch burns so bad
So good, no bad
Bad? Can’t want you
Don’t need you
Replace you
Pain
Is
Weakness
Weakness
Leaving the body
No wait, wait
Hold on, no
Don’t leave me
Shield me
Hide me
Love me
Want me
Stop, stop
Don’t touch me
Don’t call me
Don’t say my name
Like that, no don’t
Can’t need you
Please leave you
Hot and cold
So quickly, stinging
Skin, hurting so
Can’t, can? no
Headaches, tossing
Throbbing heart
Tension of opposites
Ripping me apart

This is a thank you
For everything you do
For looking at me that way you do
With your blue
Well, sometimes, green eyes.

For sitting alone with your guitar
For asking for my number
No matter how bizarre,
How strange I’ve seemed

I’ve seemed to interrupt something.
Some, Thing,
Much bigger than me.
And I don’t want to distract your beautiful soul
I don’t want to strengthen your devilish ego

But I can’t help but miss you
And wish for you
Wanna kiss you
Talk to fish with you
Lie in bliss with you

I know you have to stop doing
And start being
But please
Don’t go.

We could meditate for hours
make halos out of flowers
dream of superpowers
If you’d like.

You can kiss at my door so sweet
It tasted like melted iced tea
**** all the ice cream off my teeth
If you’d like

You can push me up the tallest trees
Even if I cry and scrape my knees
I’ll climb any mountain if I can be next to you
Even though I’m scared of heights.

We can just walk, too.
Around, anywhere we want to
We can talk about anything that crosses our mind
Or say nothing at all, and just hold hands

Nothing takes my breath away
Like the tingling touch of your nervous palm
Whispering against my thigh
Your fingers tracing strange patterns on my backbone.
Quivering. Shivering.

I’ve never felt so sure
About anything before
Nothing feels as real
As your tiny snores
next to me.

I know you have to leave
Not to do, but to be
So you can reach
some sort of
Awake
that I don’t really understand

But just promise me
Please.
Be.
Near me.
I want to hold your hand.

I walk down beaten paths toward a cross

Held defiantly against a brilliant blue sky 

Kneeling beneath it buildings worn and weary, like the

Heavy shoulders I wear into our City of God.

One step in front of the other

Like a soldier in the ranks of this battle against sin, 

Blistering heat upon blistering feet upon blistering street

Lord, can you hear my prayer?  

As I fall to trembling knees,

I contemplate questions left unanswered

Echoing in the barren stone hall

Left to burden disappointed ears.