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You stole into my life at a time I needed someone like you the most. Like a secret admirer you woed me. As in days of old, you coaxed an emotion from deep within me, I thought long dead. Little lover's notes, preciously needed. You awakened love's passion I so carefully kept locked. Deceitfully and pleasurably you allowed me to awaken. Lustfully I awaited the next lover's note, dreaming secretly of a chance meeting. Uncaught moments of daydreams, carried me to places unknown, caught in unbridled passion. Then, alas. Eros chanced our moment of truth. In one single heart beat, all created movement, held their breath...... Murphy has come to claim his law..... Without the need to look at a face, I heard your voice. Like from afar I felt all my unbridled moments rush into me, and I knew it was you, my secret admirer. No amount of dreams or preparation could change Fate's hand played. I felt my heart cry a single tear in silence. How cruel a role need can play.... AND I STILL DESIRE YOUR TOUCH..... Your voice stroked my skin like velvet. And in all of this heart beat moment, I knew we will always remain a secret.... AND I LONG FOR YOUR WORDS...... You brought passion back to life. Slowly letting me feel my way back to trust, allowing me to feel emotions accused as deceitful.... AND I HUNGER FOR NIGHTS LOST TO THIS WORLD...... Then cold brutal reality started to show its ugly face..... AND AGAIN MY HEART CRIES.... MORE THAN JUST ONE TEAR.... We can never be more than a secret. Secret lovers..... How I long to have you just one more night till the sun rises and truth and reality burns its way back in..... AND ALL MY HEART'S CRIES TOUCHES MY SOUL AND MY TEARS SCREAM FOR MY SECRET LOVER TO RETURN........ But Murphy claimed another of his laws. And memories are left to recall with a bitter sweet smile...... BEATIFUL YOU THAT CAN NEVER BE WITH OR FOR ME....... And again I walk alone........ And still I feel you when you near....... BEAUTIFUL YOU
Created in secret, birthed majestically in power,
these three Eves 'o' mine.

Proud, strong willed woman,
determined to live this life, granted in perfection,
before time was measured,
you claimed your birthrite.
First breath drawn, you announced to this world,
with a voice filled with strength and might.
No powers could make you waver from your Call.
Lead in Spirit and Truth,
you carved your mark in this world and heavens above....
You raised flags and broke grounds
no mere man can bring down....
or erase.
You my first born Eve, leader amongst women,
have given birth,
to a Pathmaker to God's Glory.

Eve, called forth,
pure and gentle in heart and spirit,
followed first Eve,
into a world that would take from you,
and not all good returned....
Your gentle spirit walked in trust....
taken and ripped apart....
You, Eve, called forth with a mother's heart, deep within you
unprepared to pain and sorrows to come....
Strength and perseverance and persistence
grants you the trust and love
failed by Adams present and past....
Your heart, as big as oceans wide,
birthed in Love,
brings joy to the Father's Heart....

My last Eve, sent and called,
into a time strewn with obstacles.
But you Eve three, stronger, wiser,
than Eve's born twice before,
carved your own road.
Called into this world by command,
you saw and learned quick
to navigate the rocks strewn in your path....
You my tender last Eve....
willed into existence change
and changes to come and stay.
You called in desire in aloneness
and strength untapped.
You Eve three....
followed Eve's twice before you....
protected by Call and Grace....
Your seed will clear pasts
and set futures clear to come....
How gloriously awesome...
And priviledged to taste,
partake or waste!

How fragile like glas...
How fleeting like fire.....
How precious and short....

This beauty we call LIFE
Just one last breath...
One last thought....
One last beat....

One last touch...
Fragile like glass!!!
Fanoula Angelopolous 23 May 1966 - 11 May 2015....Love you forever my sis.,
Tears and pain calls forth for existence
claiming its pound of flesh
NO MERCY!

LOVE loves in pain and passion
and births in eternity
the call of cries echoes deep and reverberates
against wakening moments of insanity
crying, calling, screaming!!

Existence blinded,
stumbling forth to grounds new and ancient
and the eyes of love follow you....
step by falling crawling step.

And you scream into the heavens....
for release of love,
to find its flight.
You pray for shackles to be broken
freedoms release from prisons created....
spoken in love, lost, never to return.

Trust and SORROW births itself....
no more waiting.....
and the burning sensibility liken to embers dying....
screeches forth the Sirens refused consent!

Rejected warnings breathe down your throat....
causing darkness to live
no light penetrated allowed.....
slow realizations of denied truths
stare you in the eye
and u turn and twist and turn...
trying one last time.....

But reality allows no mercy,
or grace or second time round to step back....

I AM HERE TO STAY
If I could.... paint you a picture....
it would have all the colours of the rainbow....
If I could.... create you a day....
it would be endless....
If I could.... give you a day....
it would start with a perfect sunrise on a beach.... and end with a misty starlit night on a beach....
If I could.... sing you  song....
it would be filled with words pure of heart's song....
If I could.... play you a melody....
it would have notes created in heaven....
If I could.... show you my soul....
it would be shining like the sun...
If I could.... show you my spirit....
you will see it in eagle's flight....
If I could....show you my heart....
you will see my scars healed....
If I could....tell you about happiness....
it will have only one word....you....
If I could....show you passion....
I just have to kiss you....
If I could....show you romance....
I will remind you of beach walks, sunrises and nights gazing at creations lights....
If I could....show you peace....
I would just rest on your chest....
If I could....hear peace....
I just have to listen to your heart....                                                        ­      If I could....show you safety....
you just have to embrace me....
If I could....tell you a life story....
you would be the life.... If I could...show you trust....
you would be the start and the end....
If I could....show you my joy....
you would see...you....reflected in it....
If I could....have all of you....
I will wear you like my own skin....
If I could....express my gratitude....
no amount of pen and paper and words would cover it....
If I could....give you a memory everlasting....
I would imprint a sunrise into your DNA....                                                          ­      If I could....walk this earth a life time and a day.....
it would be with you....
If I could....take you by the hand....
we will soar you like eagles....
If I could....show you me....
you will see.....you resonating in me....
If I could....have you for just one day....
I would rest in peace....
If I could....choose all of this life over again....
I would choose you....
IF I COULD........
Try and try again, never say die, always see the bright side, try another approach, don't assume! Ja well, who ever said that sure ain't livin' today.
Ja  ok, the wiles are the same, just more slick and undercover. Why does the woman always think they are the cause of changes in their spouse?
Man, I fell for that one too.
First I think I don't cut the grade, because I'm fat, or sloppy, or, any old excuse I could think of. Then I tried doing as much as I could, running myself to death and back, and still no change.
Oh, I could give a million excuses why it's dead in the bed, and everyone my fault. Ja right, since when is it always the woman's fault.
Okay, I went through a warp tunnel with my hormones. I mean, who does not? It's not like we have an early warning system, built-in, to prepare you for a system meltdown. And of course, then every little hitch gets blamed on you, and your hormone meltdown.
And still the bed stays cold.
And boet, just start questioning those little foxes, and you get the atom bomb effect. I mean, every little drop becomes a raging ocean.And of course, don't forget the ever over used, but still powerful effect  of - 
"DON'T JUST ASSUME...."
when you do question, and give your take, on this world war three situation. Yes, of course, there's no other way of getting an answer to all your questions, since
"SILENCE IS GOLDEN”
is just not a song anymore. Your melt down, caused every one to not say anything, in fear of world war three. By now, you are so frustrated, inside and out, that you'll try anything, to get back, what you refuse to accept is lost.
And still it stays cold.
And memory – man, this is definitely not a woman. You start to remember all those little things from your “ROSE” years. The days when everything was bliss.
And then you show Einstein that E=MC2, is not the only equation, that can rock this world. Albeit, even if it's only your own little world that gets affected. The equation that's starting to make sense, is that 1+1 is not 2.
And the more this memory gets refreshed, you get to all kinds of answers.
All because you assumed the answers, to questions that are still not answered. Because you are imagining things that are not there.
And still the bed is cold!
Then one day you get asked a question. Because of your superior knowledge, experience and understanding, and above all, just plain being a woman, the answer to all those questions, melt downs, accusations, assumations, equations, world wars, echoing silences and self-castrations, gets wrapped up in one word....
- “FATTYQUE” -.......
And now, your all powerful brain starts to di-sect every and all association to that one word...."Bless their poor hearts....”
You ask for a full sentence, because, on this one, not even Oxford Concise Dictionaries can describe the meaning. You close your eyes, you listen to your heart beat, you hear a rushing waterfall of words....and you see lights like diamonds, you hear your heart beating a staccato, you breathe ever so slightly.....
All of this, in the blink of an eye, you realize that this horror, this torment, this self – whatever good word you can find, for your months, no years of missery is not your doing. Oh no sherry BoB!
You realize, that your horror assumation was actually a coverup. Yes, a real, honest to goodness, James Bond, 007 style, covert action, to disguise the fact, that this world, where men claim to be superior, in all, and every aspect, of anything, can not admit to the woman, not all women, or the world for that matter, the one they professed way in the beginning, that they love and honor, that it is his fault, actually.
He is the cold in the bed!
Then, 1 + 1 becomes 2 + 2, and definitely – FATTYQUE – becomes – Fatigue – and the symptoms of male menopause dance through your minds eye, and you rejoice, you dance, you laugh, you cry, you shout for joy......
All this in the silence and understanding within you.....
Because you are a woman.....
The neck,
turns the head,
where you want it to go!
Just ONE more Teardrop!!!

Scream to the heavens the injustice done...... Flake open a heart in need of a hero........ Recreate, amend, mend, discard, restart, refit, keep in check..... Darkness filters starlight embers, cast across expanses distantly close to reality formed in wishes and if only's, never intended to be........ Denial, wish, hope, claim, possible, take and fear settles in corners and places where angels whisper......... Only whisper........! And you look upon the face of that you dared and challenged and found...... Scarred into eternity lost....... And you touch, commanding memory etched into your heart.....and soul......and mind......and spirit........ And you turn back one last time, burning into memory that which you screamed into the heavens......... And JUST ONE MORE TEAR etches fiery traces of that which you tasted could be.........and might never be.......
PRIDE IN MY POCKET....
BOUGHT THE PLOT.....
PLANTED MY SEEDS....
AND PATIENTLY HELPED MY PRIDE TO GROW
GROW, AND GROW....

NOTHING BUT FULL MATURITY
IN THIS FIELD OF PRIDE ACCEPTED....
SHAPED, INTO THE BEST POSSIBLE
RISE AND SHINE TO THE OCCASION.

NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOOT FORWARD....
EVERY STEP TO THE MAX!
HOW ELSE IS ANYTHING BUT SUCCESS MEASURED BY....

ANY AND ALL LESS THAN PERFECT PRIDE IN THE MAKING, MARKS
*FAILURE*
IN NEON LIGHTS OVERHEAD....
THIS IS WHERE FAILURE GROWS AND MULTIPLIES!!

HERE! HERE!!
FAILURE FOR SALE
ALL AT THE BEST POSSIBLE FAILURE PRICES!
A MUST TO GO!!

BOUGHT ALL THE RIGHTS,
WHY NOT USE IT
WHENEVER THE OCCASION ARISES!
AFTER ALL....IT'S PAID IN FULL!!

T'S A CASE OF USE IT OR LOOSE IT!
WHY WASTE THAT
WHICH YOU HAVE GIVEN SO MUCH TIME
AND TIME TO GROW....
AND THE DIVIDENTS JUST GROWS AND GROWS....
EVERY HARVEST BETTER THAN THE ONE BEFORE!

AND THE PRIZE IS....
PRIDE  IN MY POCKET....

SOMETIMES AT A PRICE
COSTLY
AND DEAR TO LOSS.......
In shadows cast...of a life time past....
we walked in hurts and pain....
Holding on to hopes, flickering,
whisps of futures never to be.....
Time spent in rugged frozen frames,
of futures dreamt into reality....
casts impossible to grasp...
Precious wasted opportunities strung along,
prepared risks in reality, placed on hold....
Almost, too late,
left in limbo,
healing stayed,
faithfully waiting,
for scares to heal......
Acknowledge this breath,
slowly, waiting, for life,
to breathe this heart into existence,
beating in the shadow,
casted and formed of love.....
HOW LONG MUST I WALK THIS UNFORGIVING PATH,
OF ENDLESS SELF-PERSECUTION?
MEMORY UPON MEMORY,
CRASHING IN ME,
LIKE UNRELENTLESS SELF-BLAME.
WHY WAS INSIGHT NOT MY SHARE,
IN THIS MY PAIN?
SELF-REFLECTION ON DIFFERENT APPROACHES,  BRINGS MORE REGRETS THAN SOLUTIONS.
AND THOUGHTS OF EMPTY PROMISES,
REVERBERATES THROUGH MY BEING,
LIKE THE ENDLESS REPETITIVE WAVES
OF OCEANS FAR AND WIDE.
WITH FEET COVERED IN ROCKS BROKEN, OVER TIME,
TO COVER SOFTLY THE ROLLING TIDE,
PLACING A BARRIER BETWEEN LOST AND FOUND.
SLOWLY REALIZATION DAWNS IN MY SPIRIT,
AND MY SOUL FEELS THE JOYOUS RELEASE
OF A NEW BEGINNING.
BUT FIRST.....
THE SANDS OF TIME CARESSED IN WAVES OF PEACE
MUST FIND ME!
AND LIKE A DOVE,
GENTLY SETTLING ON MY HEART,
I FEEL THE NEW MAN EMERGE....
AND I WILL GLIDE LIKE AN EAGLE,
ON WINGS OF RESTORATION.....
KNOWING I AM....

FOR FILIPE.....
MY DEAREST LIONHEART
I can use the word love easily....
Coz YOU GET ME.....
Time.....times.....timing...... IN TIME.....
SomeTIMES tears gather in my eyes......
Gladly accepted this TIME......

Sweet sweet tears
of a new beginning for me.......
Amazed I stand back and look and listen........
Feeling you echo deep within me.....

TIME and again
that which I screamed to the heavens.....
You came to me
at a TIME I needed proof of existence......

Gently you lead me to places I thought nonexistent.....
My Matador you are.......
I am smitten with you....

You found ME
that was lost for so long,
You saw ME
that no one cared to look for....
You caught ME INTIME....
just when I thought I will walk alone.....
You hear and read ME
in TIMES when I thought I speak of life around me.....
Our TIMING grows one day at a TIME....

I can use the word love easily......
Coz YOU GET ME

— The End —