HOW LONG MUST I WALK THIS UNFORGIVING PATH,
OF ENDLESS SELF-PERSECUTION?
MEMORY UPON MEMORY,
CRASHING IN ME,
LIKE UNRELENTLESS SELF-BLAME.
WHY WAS INSIGHT NOT MY SHARE,
IN THIS MY PAIN?
SELF-REFLECTION ON DIFFERENT APPROACHES,  BRINGS MORE REGRETS THAN SOLUTIONS.
AND THOUGHTS OF EMPTY PROMISES,
REVERBERATES THROUGH MY BEING,
LIKE THE ENDLESS REPETITIVE WAVES
OF OCEANS FAR AND WIDE.
WITH FEET COVERED IN ROCKS BROKEN, OVER TIME,
TO COVER SOFTLY THE ROLLING TIDE,
PLACING A BARRIER BETWEEN LOST AND FOUND.
SLOWLY REALIZATION DAWNS IN MY SPIRIT,
AND MY SOUL FEELS THE JOYOUS RELEASE
OF A NEW BEGINNING.
BUT FIRST.....
THE SANDS OF TIME CARESSED IN WAVES OF PEACE
MUST FIND ME!
AND LIKE A DOVE,
GENTLY SETTLING ON MY HEART,
I FEEL THE NEW MAN EMERGE....
AND I WILL GLIDE LIKE AN EAGLE,
ON WINGS OF RESTORATION.....
KNOWING I AM....

FOR FILIPE.....
MY DEAREST LIONHEART

In shadows cast...of a life time past....
we walked in hurts and pain....
Holding on to hopes, flickering,
whisps of futures never to be.....
Time spent in rugged frozen frames,
of futures dreamt into reality....
casts impossible to grasp...
Precious wasted opportunities strung along,
prepared risks in reality, placed on hold....
Almost, too late,
left in limbo,
healing stayed,
faithfully waiting,
for scares to heal......
Acknowledge this breath,
slowly, waiting, for life,
to breathe this heart into existence,
beating in the shadow,
casted and formed of love.....

If I could.... paint you a picture....
it would have all the colours of the rainbow....
If I could.... create you a day....
it would be endless....
If I could.... give you a day....
it would start with a perfect sunrise on a beach.... and end with a misty starlit night on a beach....
If I could.... sing you  song....
it would be filled with words pure of heart's song....
If I could.... play you a melody....
it would have notes created in heaven....
If I could.... show you my soul....
it would be shining like the sun...
If I could.... show you my spirit....
you will see it in eagle's flight....
If I could....show you my heart....
you will see my scars healed....
If I could....tell you about happiness....
it will have only one word....you....
If I could....show you passion....
I just have to kiss you....
If I could....show you romance....
I will remind you of beach walks, sunrises and nights gazing at creations lights....
If I could....show you peace....
I would just rest on your chest....
If I could....hear peace....
I just have to listen to your heart....                                                        ­      If I could....show you safety....
you just have to embrace me....
If I could....tell you a life story....
you would be the life.... If I could...show you trust....
you would be the start and the end....
If I could....show you my joy....
you would see...you....reflected in it....
If I could....have all of you....
I will wear you like my own skin....
If I could....express my gratitude....
no amount of pen and paper and words would cover it....
If I could....give you a memory everlasting....
I would imprint a sunrise into your DNA....                                                          ­      If I could....walk this earth a life time and a day.....
it would be with you....
If I could....take you by the hand....
we will soar you like eagles....
If I could....show you me....
you will see.....you resonating in me....
If I could....have you for just one day....
I would rest in peace....
If I could....choose all of this life over again....
I would choose you....
IF I COULD........

Just ONE more Teardrop!!!

Scream to the heavens the injustice done...... Flake open a heart in need of a hero........ Recreate, amend, mend, discard, restart, refit, keep in check..... Darkness filters starlight embers, cast across expanses distantly close to reality formed in wishes and if only's, never intended to be........ Denial, wish, hope, claim, possible, take and fear settles in corners and places where angels whisper......... Only whisper........! And you look upon the face of that you dared and challenged and found...... Scarred into eternity lost....... And you touch, commanding memory etched into your heart.....and soul......and mind......and spirit........ And you turn back one last time, burning into memory that which you screamed into the heavens......... And JUST ONE MORE TEAR etches fiery traces of that which you tasted could be.........and might never be.......

You stole into my life at a time I needed someone like you the most. Like a secret admirer you woed me. As in days of old, you coaxed an emotion from deep within me, I thought long dead. Little lover's notes, preciously needed. You awakened love's passion I so carefully kept locked. Deceitfully and pleasurably you allowed me to awaken. Lustfully I awaited the next lover's note, dreaming secretly of a chance meeting. Uncaught moments of daydreams, carried me to places unknown, caught in unbridled passion. Then, alas. Eros chanced our moment of truth. In one single heart beat, all created movement, held their breath...... Murphy has come to claim his law..... Without the need to look at a face, I heard your voice. Like from afar I felt all my unbridled moments rush into me, and I knew it was you, my secret admirer. No amount of dreams or preparation could change Fate's hand played. I felt my heart cry a single tear in silence. How cruel a role need can play.... AND I STILL DESIRE YOUR TOUCH..... Your voice stroked my skin like velvet. And in all of this heart beat moment, I knew we will always remain a secret.... AND I LONG FOR YOUR WORDS...... You brought passion back to life. Slowly letting me feel my way back to trust, allowing me to feel emotions accused as deceitful.... AND I HUNGER FOR NIGHTS LOST TO THIS WORLD...... Then cold brutal reality started to show its ugly face..... AND AGAIN MY HEART CRIES.... MORE THAN JUST ONE TEAR.... We can never be more than a secret. Secret lovers..... How I long to have you just one more night till the sun rises and truth and reality burns its way back in..... AND ALL MY HEART'S CRIES TOUCHES MY SOUL AND MY TEARS SCREAM FOR MY SECRET LOVER TO RETURN........ But Murphy claimed another of his laws. And memories are left to recall with a bitter sweet smile...... BEATIFUL YOU THAT CAN NEVER BE WITH OR FOR ME....... And again I walk alone........ And still I feel you when you near....... BEAUTIFUL YOU