A shaky feeling as I pat at my chest
telling myself to move on
to accept
yet try as I may failure is my friend
so I stop trying to find success.

Free music staring at water to far away as it rains not now but it did
the dog is sleeping curled away from me the dog come to me it doesn't
oh peeling dandruff face plaster up the walls
my uncle is gone shopping for a gutter
the rain needs catching because before it was falling not now but it did
I don't live at my own place but I have my own room
its like school with no school
a job with no money what we do for love I eat chocolate
free chocolate with *** inside,
and walmart sold me underwear ten times too big but they gave me socks that fit
pray for me
I sell my car
pray for me
a treadmill too
the money buys a battery
the money buys all.
Its california living can't you tell the palm trees are too tall
I read a book I've read before
and the girls don't respond after sending me their response
oh girls stop playing with my heart its too strong to break so quick trying to tear open these old scars
just respond that you need me,
and I'll tell you, no.

sadly to say
my reflexes have left me today.
when you said i love you
i stared at the moon
when i came to
you asked
"where were you"
i said "i left"
you said "i know"
and we greeted the new day
as a couple with to many words
to say hey.
she knocked the glass with her left elbow
i caught the glass with my right hand
the T.V was on
i thought we canceled the cable
and made love on the table
still i forgot to say
i love you
because today i'm a penguin
not a cat, like yestarday

Hey dear,
I saw fear,
He was quite near,
to me.
I was too afraid to say hi.

I cut a clock in two
to have twice as much time.
I died at 42.


                                                                                                      

                                                                                          ****.

fading mist desperate hands can no longer cling to the rising sun
dew settles as dew does
small deer find tasteful treats between the trees
a rabbit stirs
rays of light hit the lingering souls of water wondering where to go
so they throw a party and invite seven colors to join them.
I unbuckle my pants to **** and just barely miss a flower.

a lingering sensation of what must be done with what is done and how it will be done and when it wasn´t done where confusion flounders with my sweaty ***** in cool chilean nights.
Im nervous,
yet my hands remain calm my heart blips on every bleep yet the space between my ears fills with dreads of whats to come cause my feet find my throat and they dont get along so I stumble to the bathroom only to find the waters run out.
The ticket knows delay when doctors sign slips but I feel I feel something else so instead of acceptance I fight with resistance as a stubborn tool more dangerous then a dull knife to wake through sleeping hours to torture myself with the image of the unfair who is an unkindly god who ***** on flowers when they´re already dead.
oh.
its just that, that that is that.
Logically we understand what we´ve already learned yet history is a longer trip then two seconds past when its catching up and passing to secounds not yet found.
logical al a ly we can simply be yet I find time for thoughts which distract me from me so I can be a me that only lies yet believes making my reality.
no point.
theres no point in splashing bucket full of fire on fire except to say you did but I´ve already said that and hipster cats like new trends which have always been thought before.
The couch can be comfortable tonight.