Beauty
Without inner lovely,
Is the epitomy of all that is grotesque
Because a pretty face, without the grace,
Is nothing more than
Ugly at its best.

People say that
Uncertainty of the future
Should have me feeling unsettled,
Not fully stable,
Not firmly planted in the present.
Someone is always asking me,
“Where is your relationship going?
What does he want from you?”
It tickles me when I see peoples feathers ruffled
when I tell them that I don’t care about their idea of what my tomorrow should be.
Because, truth be told,
I enjoy the now,
The right here,
That I spend with you.
I feel cherished in our moment,
Treasured in our space.
The uncertainty comes
When people put my supposed to be feelings in a box
And send them first class beyond the sunset,
Where the happily ever after dwells.
Do I think we’ll live in happily ever after?
I really don’t know.
And that should **** me right?
Because a woman is supposed to be so sure and
A man has to, like, get his **** together, **** or get off the ***, right?
But I honestly don’t even care.
And what would really freak them out
Is that I’m not even sure if I want to go
Where happily ever after is and be there.
But what I do know
Is that I love the way you look at me.
I love the way you make me laugh and want you at the same time.
I love the way you touch my hair,
And kiss my face when we’re at the movies.
I love the gentleman/**** in you.
I love our conversations
And the private jokes we share.
And when you kiss me,
When you make love to me,
When you’re rubbing my back after the night so long,
I hold my breath in,
Hoping that the moment never ends.
But the thing is,
It does end.
The conversations die out.
The sounds of laughter fades.
And the jokes and strokes are long forgotten.
But in this very moment,
Uncertainty doesn’t live where I live.
As long as I relish in today,
Knowing that all that really matters
Is this very moment,
This time, this very space
Where you and I are.
People get so wrapped up
In what will happen tomorrow,
When it’s my hand you’re holding
Right now.
When you’re staring into my eyes, seeing only me, for who I really am
Right now.
When it’s your laughter that I cherish
Right now.
There’s no room for peoples uncertainty
In this connection we have.
Only room for
Right now.
And that’s the only thing I need to be certain of.

This feeling that I'm feeling
is like no other.
I'm lifted, in another level,
higher than my deepest imagination.
     You make me high.

I'm floating past clouds,
soaring with eagles in flight.
There's freedom in this sensation,
a freedom locking me inside this addiction.
     You make me high.

And I don't wanna come down.
Descending is not an option.
You ****** me into your mellow ecstacy,
I'm elevating to your love supreme.
     Baby, you make me high.

I need a fix of satisfaction,
'cause this fixation has got it's grip on me.
Take me higher with your adoration,
making me adore you, worship you.
Force me to crave you.
You have a hold on me.
     You make me high.

My Dearest Fear,
It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to talk.
But there are some things that I’ve been meaning to tell you,
Some things I need to let off my chest.
And there’s no easy way to tell you this
But…..
It’s not working between us anymore.
I won’t lie.
We’ve had some good times.
You’ve helped me avoid responsibility,
And you saved me from accountability, allowing me to relax, and be easy.
I wanted you and the comfort you brought me.
I mean, who the hell was I to actually be successful at something?
Ha! Remember how we would sit back and laugh at the thought of me being great, phenomenal even!
I wanted to be “humble” and meek, hiding from shine,
Because you said it made me look proud
And that applause was for the ostentatious type.
You really had me believing all the things you said. I was convinced.
No one knew how this relationship had me dying inside.
But you know what?
You gotta go!
Tired of your sullen, melancholy presence stalking my existence.
When you’re around, the air is so thick, like a fog, like smoke.
And my life is beginning to suffocate.
This union is draining.
We’ve co-existed in this house of emptiness we’ve built together.
And I’ve given you everything.
My time.
My talents.
My ideas.
My LIFE.
And what the hell have you given me in return?
Nothing but……. Nothing.
And just an overall feeling of depletion and failure. I can’t do this anymore.
You can have your wasted opportunities,
Your excuses,
Your self-loathing,
Your apathy.
You can have it all back.
I know what you’re gonna say.
You’re gonna say that I’m nothing without you.
But to be honest, I’m nothing WITH you.
So you can stop lurking around and stalking my life.
It’s over.
I have nothing and TOO MUCH to keep giving you.
Do not try to contact me, because I will no longer answer.

Sincerely, Joy

The new that I wanna experience has yet to begun.
Vibrant expressions of raw ideas and ventures are booming through my temples.
My soul is renewed as a novel momentum takes over me,
making me look towards a horizon brand new.
This feeling is as fresh as morning dew.
What will become of the old me?
What will become of this has-been shell of familiarity?
I can no longer be a prisoner of scared.
This is not my conventional method of living.
But as I look at this unique path ahead,
fear bolts and flees.
There’s no more room for uncertainty.
I’m climbing out on my limb,
longing to taste the strange fruit of living,
the fruit of life that grows on the stem of ****** territory.
I’m fearless.
I have to be courageous.
I am now my own savior, freeing me from a prison of my inner coward,
as a dauntless self becomes MYself.
I’m alone, but sure.
And I’m now too gutsy to endure
such mediocre living.
I must be brave.
I have to grab this life by the horns
And hang on for the ride.
This is strange, yet familiar.
And I feel like I belong.
I’ve been living but yet to be born.
Now I’m finally alive,
Finally embracing the joy of my new.

Life
as we know it,
love, or hate it
will someday be ended.
the how
the why
the when
the where
is hindered from our sight.
But....
through the power
love and force
of His might,
we might, just might
live without fear.
knowing what's beyond the horizon,
we'll still continue on
til we meet up with the sun.
We'll live to the full, Yes, we'll live.
We will cry,
we"ll laugh.
we will worry,
or we'll just let go.
We'll love and despise,
we'll fight and reconcile.
We'll seize the day,
and cower on another
We will live
until our eyes close shut,
until our wind is gone,
until sleep is our rest.
Just to be awakened
by the Face
of Love and Life
everlasting.

The mist of what was still remains.
I smell you in the air.
You remain.
We, never should have been.
But I still feel you when I lie down at dusk
I run my hand over the place where you would lay, seeing your chest breathing in that air.
The air I still feel.
We, should have never been.
Doomed from the first hello.
From the nervous glance over the table at dinner.
From the first heady embrace.
No.
I still smell the heat of your neck.
Please don't fade.
We were doomed from the first pull of my breath from your kiss. Inhale.
Doomed.
I exhale regretfully. I don't wanna let it go.
But I still feel you.
My skin doesn't want to feel you fade.
My eyes are glassy with tears, flooding the windows of my soul you looked into so easily.
As my lids close, and I feel the tears fall,
I wrap my arms around myself, and rock,
Pretending we're dancing in this mist.
My heart is fighting the fade.
I know I shouldn't pretend.
I know we should have never been.
But if reality wouldnt mind,
I just want to dance with you.
One
Last
Time.