I woke up at the top of my lungs
on the nightstand i picked up my gun
stared into the barrel
And wondered if this was bottom

Took a deep breath of your misery
It sunk into my lungs easily
My pain and your pain seem to
Resonate
The frequency carried us to a
Better place
I kissed your mouth
And you ran away
And I'm left with the feeling
That some mistakes
Can never be taken back.
I still smell sweet vanilla

I barely sleep at night anymore
Like i'm waiting for
Sweet understanding
But the night is cold
answers in murmurs
That crawl into my brain
And every single one
bears your name

love on your lips
like Novocain
we speak the words,
feel nothing.
we smile and laugh,
the coroners dance
the smell of death
it lingers

breathing shadows
burning tributes
to the idols
that they worship
And you wonder
why my evenings are better spent alone.

I live.
I bleed.
I'm on my ****** knees
I break.
I cry.
I fall.
I fly.

you've already died.
you breathing shadow.

Your tongue is heaven

Your tongue is silky heaven.

Your tongue is silky, electric, volcanic, heaven

When i disappear inside your mouth

Not quite white
Not quite spanish
Hungrier than both
Mad as a hatter
Revolve around the periphery
Of an institutional reality
Never wanted in
Just want to be the loudest
Soldier in my name
Myopic like a cruise missle
I will exist
I will resist
My front door was a portal to guayaquil, ecuador
And every morning
I would travel back to the states
On a yellow school bus
Singing songs
Watching the white kids play
Silent like a penitent altar boy
Realizing all at once
That i was not the same
I am not the same as you
Though my eyes are green
And my skin pale
You know nothing of my heart
Or the battles i've fought

When i lay you down to sleep
The cold of death will chill your body
Skin will slowly turn to stone
And all i know of you is gone
When years pass
Will i regret keeping you away
I never could forget how
Your face would transform
From father
To raving demon
Eyes empty
Frothing at the mouth
As you beat me
Beat me
Beat me into the ground
Brother and sisters will never understand
How heavy your hands
Truly were

I've made my choice.
Sweet dreams.

Gasping for breath
Amniotic noose round his neck
Hush little baby
Mamma has other plans
People,
You cannot judge with your eyes
Collection of cells
Or do tiny finger nails claw for freedom
I don't have the answers
Just an overwhelming guilt
It is not my body
But i share in the blame.

favored children never wither under shadow
sullen, he walks toward the door
pick up the gun, she says
he cannot move his hands
pick up the gun, she says
she places cold steel into his numb fingers
smiles, as she helps him pull the trigger
people only see what they want to
the crowds that formed around the bodies buzz
he stands outside of himself
unfamiliar