the beauty of the
word heaviness - it sounds as
heavy as it feels

A moment
Beyond the people
Beyond the manufactured noise
Beyond the cement and plastic landscape

Armed with pepper spray for the bears
And a knife for the boys
Just in case
I run my hands over the world

heartbreak is a cute term
don’t you think?
when really it is
knotted stomach
caving chest
gasping lungs
they call it
heartbreak
but your entire
body
collapses
into itself with
unrequited longing

I turn my feelings into words not
to give them to you but
to give them to the universe
praying she can lighten the weight of my heart

They say you will treat me how
I let you

I let you
melt me
when I kissed you and
you swore the lights flickered like magic
I let you
warm me
when I told you I ate lunch in the middle school bathroom alone and
you murmured you would join me
I let you
ignite me
when you asked me to slow-dance
in the park pavilion
in the living room
in the stars of the red rock wilderness

But when I promised you were special
I let you
say nothing

We come here to burn
baby to burn and then to
rise from the ashes

I should ask her
if
she cares that I am cold
or
if
she begrudges the youth of my bare legs

I should ask him
if
he desires me for Christmas
or
if
he misdiagnoses his bitterness as lust

But
I hide behind the curtain of my hair until I return to my dog
and
together we escape the men who hate women
and
the women who hate women