The rush of the water nearby makes everything awfully clear
I know now that I belong here
The way my feet feel on the sandy beach
Or the way my hair falls everywhere as I push myself on the swing
The gentle ring of the birds singing as they pass by
How my heart races from the speed of the boat
Or the way I simply float on the water’s surface
The silent whisper of the breeze blowing through the trees
And the mountain air making me feel home here
All throughout the year I can’t wait for my summer time to get here

In a second my life changed like i could never imagine
The world was all Topsy turvy
and i a floating object in the turmoil
A simple six letter word
Thats all it took to take my stable world away
Upon that fateful day I was 15 and the date was May 12 2008
My diagnosis Hodgkin's lymphoma stage 2 B
My freedom was stolen from me
School i could no longer attend
People i could no longer see
The world was shut away from me
Chemo and Radiation were my companions
Aiding me in my time of need
But the truth in that was they were killing me more than saving
Strong of heart was I
I would not be taken down
I tried to show no fear or sorrow
And now am thought a strong young lady by many others
The most glorious day was when the cancer went away
September 28 2008 i was told
After I regained the freedom i had lost
four months later did my true story unfold
January 12 2009 I knew something was wrong
I was right I had not yet won the fight
Hodgkin's lymphoma was back to greet me
This time worse stage 4 B had me captured
A junior in high school i had been
But now once again I could no longer attend
Chemo my friend, we were reunited
I guess it missed me
This time a new component was introduced
Bone-marrow transplant, Auto stem cell
After tackling these feats I met radiation again
September 2009 i was said to be free
it was like history repeating itself
But this time i was wary
now it is July 4 2010
I am heathy, I have graduated
but the damage my six lettered fiend has reaped upon me is still here
An immune system i no longer have
My life still on pause
But i do not care
Because i know what its like to have your life dissipate without warning
Life is like a flame it can be snuffed out in a second
So remember my words
Please
Dont let any regret into your life
Dont pass a single moment by
Live love and try

A simple union of Kindred souls is all it takes
A caring stranger giving you hope to go on is who I try to be
A caring heart is where i start
I see a beautiful child before me
Her life in the grips of deaths evil hands
What her fate may be no one knows
But I know I can give her hope
I see an elderly man stumble as he walks
I jump up to give him a hand
No man or woman should have to feel alone
So I try to make them feel welcome
People come together in the darkest of times
And in their Union light can be found
When an epidemic hits a society you can find unity
As once when I was ill others were there for me Ill be the same for them
My name is not defined by what happens to me
Its defined by my actions and the response I leave behind

The smell of rain coming in the air is my favorite.
It’s not an easy sent to pick out.
Most people think the smell of rain is wet asphalt.
But it’s not.
It has a fresh sent, there is a beauty in its smell.
Like a new start.
A redo on what’s been done wrong.
Such a crisp sent that brushes my nose.
Its familiarity is calming to me.  
I know that in those moments before the first rains of the season, there is an exciting fresh change in the air.
Everything will be alright.
There is nothing more I love than the smell of freshly fallen rain.
I love the rain with all my soul.  
It is a dear friend to me.
Has been my whole life.
It’s the sign of the oncoming season of love joy and excitement.
Who can’t help but love the rain when they know what it has to offer them?
When I was a little girl I remember waking up in the middle of the night, no matter what the time was and being able to smell that rain coming.
I would run outside (usually barefoot) and wait for it to fall.
With each drop that came to fall my excitement would grow more.
I remember laughing with joy and dancing in the rain in my front yard.
I would stay out there until my parents would come yell at me to get back inside.
They would seem upset but after so many times of finding me doing this, I knew they found some joy in my craziness.
I still wake up when I smell the first rains coming.
No matter what time.
Now I usually grab a blanket and sit out on the front porch with a cup of tea and just watch it fall.
It looks like a soft loving hand caressing the world around me.
Nothing is more comforting than that.
I truly have a passion for the rain.
It’s one of the world’s greatest beauties.  
Rain, Rain, please come again.

Your hands run across my skin
Sending shivers down my spine
You brush my hair from my face
And pull me in
Such a soft sweet gentle kiss
That blooms into a passionate flower
My heart races
Beating like a drum
I am drowning in the scent of you
Your arms encircle me
This is a place I've come to know as home
I never want to leave the warmth of your body
The comfort of your hold
I never knew needing one person’s touch
So much
Could make me feel this way
I long for your arms
Long for your touch
Missing you is like
Walking a dessert storm
Without water
I wish I could sow my soul with yours
To be forever entangled
Never let me go
Please don’t let me fall
Or if I do
Promise
To
Catch me

Dark cold night air fills my lungs
I press on down this road
I have no clue where it goes
My feet hit the pavement
Freshly wet from the storm
The air feels wondrous as
it brushes my hot face
And dries my wet tears away
How can this be me
I want to forget it all
I want to stay forever gone
And not come back
I feel lost as I grasp for something
Anything to keep me going
I just wish someone could hold my
Hand through it all so I dont have
to be alone through the worst of it
After so much pain and hate
Is it worth the tears and blood
What about the others I've hurt
With my own actions
I run faster and faster
But just then I look back
To see my redemption
They came to save me
From this pain eating at me
I am so far gone now
Is it possible I think
I am Gone and trying to come back
And there they are to save me from myself
I don't need to self medicate
Or slice through my pain and memories
But how can i burden them with my problems
They refuse to let me go
I may be gone but
I look in all of your eyes and
I see so many reasons why
I am trying to come back

Waiting…
That seems to be the heart to this problem
Always waiting…
And when the waiting is over
There is more
Waiting…
Patience is a virtue
Mine runs thin
But I know I’ll see him again
I know the moment cannot come soon enough
His trips are long…
And become longer…
And longer…
But I will always wait…
His cause is just
So my waiting is a must
He holds my heart
I gave it to him from the start
He gave his to me
But I don’t have it all
Half he gave to me
The other
To his country
And I am willing to share him
Just because
I love him
He fights for what he believes is right
And I
Will stay by his side
Stay truthful...
Faithful...
Understanding...
Love him unconditionally
A good man he is
With a heart of gold
Flying to save the world
Our love can go the distance
His heart flies for the Air force
But is willing to die
To save you
And I
So I stay here
Waiting…
For the day
He comes back to me
For the day my Flyboy
Is reunited with his Honeybee

This was unexpected.
You, the man my heart seeks.
How could it be possible that it is true?
Is it happening?
For me and you?
A man in uniform.
I have fallen for.
Stupidly I let myself go.
Where no woman wants to go.
You could die in battle.
Be blown to smithereens.
Take a gunshot to the heart.
And bleed out.
But I can’t stop what is in progression.
They say the heart wants what the heart wants.
But do I want this?
No.
YES.
My brain and heart battle.
Should I choose logic over my heart’s desire?
But how can I stop this fire?
To let romance and passion go denied.
It seems so wrong.
I know he’ll be in the military long.
So how long can I wait?
Is it destiny, maybe fate?
He is a good solider, he won’t break my heart.
But will I break his?
Man In uniform, leaving for the army.
What would you do if I asked you to stay?
But I can’t.
It would be dishonorable.
But the truth is.
I love you.
Man fighting for the red white and blue.



-Dedicated to loved ones who have someone fighting for their country

Lines have been crossed
That I thought I would never pass over
Things ive done in the name of it all
But was it worth it
I am not so sure anymore
Finding who I am anymore seems impossible
But now that I know im better than the people I was born from
Than the dark skeletons laying in my past
Than you made me out to be
We all know the way to our downfall
If they see it in me just walk on by
No one stopping
They all know Ill beat it
So they leave me be
Darkness creeping in every corner I see
Trying to find me
Coming to my dreams haunting me
Fighting back with every ounce of will I have
Its just what ive always done
Never a minute to break from the evil seeking me
But as it tries to seep into every pore of me
I think
I will not become what you made me out to be
Im better than this
Im better than you thought I was
My dark skeletons will have to reside
In their dark graves for a very long time
Before they take what will be left of me
After I finish fighting

Sun shining
Warmth spreads over me
Gooseflesh covers my arms
I close my eyes
Inhaling deeply the scent of the sea
Looking up I watch as the waves crash around the rocky shore
The clouds roll in
I can smell the storm coming in on the wind
I sit up to leave
The fog has come in now covering everything around me
Something brushes my feet
Its cold
I look down
The tide has come in
How did it happen so quickly
I’ve lost all sense of time
The water rises fast
Pulling me in
I try to turn and walk to higher grounds
I slip
The waves are strong
Pulling me under
I am surrounded by glorious water
In a startled panic I reach for the surface
Air
I have run out of
I find the top
Gasping for air
It fills my lungs
I find I have been drug out to sea
I can no longer see the shore
A wave laps over me
Under Under Under I go
As my last breath is taken
I will myself to live
Pleading with the gods
Any who will listen
The salty water stings my eyes
Just as my last moments come
I find utter peace in all that is
This world I have found myself in is beautiful
A watery dungeon of beauty
I fall down deeper into the depths
Understanding that this shall be my prison
Excepting it
Understanding it
Wanting it
A mermaid I’ve become
A watery angel I shall be

I hear silent whispers in the wind
“Take my hand and walk with me
And maybe one day
You can come
To see what
I see”
What nonsense is this
All I know is what I will come to see
Will be the shining light of the sun
As the night comes to an end
The bright sun will come up
So I wait for that light to guide me
After the long dark night
But upon morning there is no shining sun to greet me
It is hidden by foreboding black storm clouds
Oh rain cloud oh rain cloud
You can be so quite yet so loud
You know me better than I know you
But I look to those clouds and only see beauty
For they bring rain do they not
And rain will wash this ***** earth
And moisten the cracked dirt
With this luscious rain it brings life
To the dead ground
This rain reminds me that through all of the pain regrets and mistakes
You can still be washed anew
Just watch the rain to wash it all away
Forget about yesterday and let the new and beautiful begin
Open your heart to what you never expected
Maybe something magnificent will happen
You'll never know until you try
Oh rain cloud oh rain cloud
You can be so quite yet so loud
You know me better than I know you
But I know that I am still here
But at the moment just hidden away
in this shell of a person I have become
But like those clouds
This shell will soon be gone
And the sun inside will burst out with
Shinning and beautiful light
Just like the one that sits inside my heart
Oh rain cloud oh rain cloud
You can be so quite yet so loud
You know me better than I know you
Time will bring this friendship to a close
But only for a short while
Until then I will remember the lesson
I have learned
Beauty Joy and laughter are not
Always going to be shinning brightly
Nor will they always be loud
Sometimes they are Muted and dimmed
But it does not mean that they are gone
Now I can say those far off distan whispers
Were from my own heart
Just hidden away
Like I was that long ago day
Take my hand and walk with me
And maybe one day
You can come to see what
I see
Oh rain cloud oh rain cloud
You can be so quite yet so loud
You know me better than I know you

It seems
Reality is the dream
And the dream is reality
Words cannot wash it clean
A simple dream
Please send it away
How it ruined a whole day
Is far beyond my concise knowledge
I wake shivering in a cold sweat
Heart pounding
Mind racing
I know it’s just a dream
I try and tell that to myself
But I feel the lines between the fake and the real blur
These nightmares are so daunting
Always haunting me
Casting sleep out of my mind when I need it the most
My dreams seem so real
Maybe that’s because they hold too much truth
Things that are supposed to be left in the past
Surface
Find a home in my memory
Taking place of all thoughts
I’ve tried to hide from the dream
But it seems
Reality is the dream
And the dream is reality
Theres no escape from my mind
I am a prisoner for all of time
I am told many ways to rid myself of these terrors
Ive gone through all methods
Yet my subconscious seeks the truth
And it wants me to know it
Can history repeat itself
Is what my mind tells me..
Is it true
My worst fears come to light
it seems
Reality is the dream
And the dream is reality

You knew at the beginning she was looking for more than you could give
But you let her jump anyways knowing that she’d fall
As she leeped you stretched out your arms giving her false hope
A smile like no other you’d seen on her face
But in a second you wiped it out of place
Her hands grasped out for yours
In a split second decision you snapped your hands back
Watching her fall
And now that’s all you can do
Sitting there watching her fall
Seeing the promising woman you took from her
Reverting her back to that insecure little girl
She once was a long time ago
You look deep into her eyes as she falls
You realize it wasn't worth it all
To lose someone like her
Now you beg for her to come back
Understanding the mistake you've made
But the future is unknowing
So there is no knowing if you can undo what you've done
Can you imagine a lifetime without her
Her laughter will no longer ring in your ears
You won’t be able to see that sparkle in her eyes
Are you really sure you want to build her up on your unstable lies…

Blue eyes clear as diamonds
Sparkle in the moonlight night
My heart pounds
You step in closer
Pull me into your warm circle
A thought runs across my mind
What if I could freeze time
Stay here with you
Forever
A smile spreads over your face
As if you could read my mind
I look into your dimple filled smile
Wishing I could only understand
Why
How
My heart is yours
Which I unwillingly gave
But now
Its yours
Forever and always
You don’t know that yet
But you will find out

Everyone always said
That with age
Time speeds up
Rushing all around us
And I found this to be true
That is
Until I found you
Now I find
That time has slowed
Almost coming to a stop
When you are not near me
It is as if I am
Attempting to swim
In a sea of molasses
I slowly start to sink
Downwards
Becoming frozen in time
Waiting for movement to happen
Time slowly ebbs on
Creeping through the seconds
As if it were a caterpillar
Crawling across a vast green leaf
I shall sit here waiting
Hoping for time to speed up
Just so I can be closer
Closer to having you
Back in my arms
Closer to kissing your lips once more
Closer to always having you
By my side forevermore
Just closer to you
Come home safely to me
Ill be waiting my dear
Time moves slow
While waiting for you
But your love
Is worth the wait
So Ill be right here
Waiting for you my dear

And with his final good-bye to his love, so long after her death.
He then reached into his worn, ragged pocket and with his ***** and soiled hands he
pulled out his wallet.
A possession he no longer had the need for in this unruly and dead world.
He slowly and gently opened it and within it lay the only possession it carried inside.
A picture of her loving face.
A reminder of what once was.
He leaned far over the edge of the looming, empty causeway and looked down in the
dark nothingness that lay below him.
He once again longingly looked at the picture of the woman he had once loved
And slowly his grasp on the wallet loosened, then finally the wallet fell to the bottom of what
was nothing.
As it fell he slowly felt himself breaking free from the bond that once was there but had
died long ago.  
And lastly he reached to his hand where a dimmed gold ring sat upon his withered
finger.
He gently twisted it off, and in a movement that felt as if he were dipping his hand in
molasses, he laid the ring tenderly upon the edge of the causeway.
With resentment and regret he pushed the ring off the edge, trying to forever banish
her from his mind.
The he looked upon the darkened ashy sky, and with such weight upon his soul and
heart he turned towards the long road ahead of him and walked on into the
nothingness that was to be his life.

Time, what is it really.
How can we truly measure it.
A minute, could be a moment with you.
An hour, could be a lifetime missed.
The lines of time we weave are unreliable
Unattainable
UNFORGIVING.
One wrong step
And there is a wrinkle in that line
Forever
You can’t fix it
You can’t forget it
It will always be there
STARRING
At you
Yet a beautiful teeny tiny moment
The happiest you can remember
It will always be there too
Like a river streaming through you mind
Tinkling its joy to you
For always and never disappearing
But in a single second your time
Your wrinkled and beautiful line
Could
Be

G
O
N
E

What then?
What waits after?
Is there any SURE answer…
Or
ARE
You
Just
Nothing…
Maybe you will float in time
Expended there forever
Not moving
Yet not still
Life in itself is still very unanswered
And so is death
So all we have is an
UNKNOWN
Amount of flowing time
To pass it all by
What is done with this precious
TIME
Are decisions just made
By people like me and you
Wrong
And
RIGHT
But those are questions too
What is right?
And
What is wrong.
A single action
Could define a life
Make it
Or
Break it
It truly all is
TIMES decision…

It’s a long winding road,
This life we all walk in
My path has become deteriorated
I can no longer see my road ahead of me
So through the extreme and rough off road trails ill travel  
There is no more saving me
Im a lost soul
Among many I may walk
But completely alone i think to find myself
Sorrow is sown into my soul
Hope has been lost
Fiercely looking within myself to find it
This is not who I am
But it is who I’ve grown to be
I’ve found many things are a lie
Soon I’ll see my reality
And find that all along I was completely alone
I shall run off to the far seas
Immerse my frail body into the depths of the cold
The taste of the salt upon my tongue will be welcomed
As I breathe my last breath of air my head will go beneath the surface
And there I shall find the eternal peace
The peace I’ve been desperately looking for all my life
This life I live may be a lie
But there was never a truth to begin with

Its a dark night Prince Charming
It hits me like a bullet to the chest
Every time I think of you
My heart pitters and patters and
I can’t seem to find rest
Every breath I breathe shortens and quickens
The air around me fills with static and electricity
Every time you step into the same room as I
My eyes are glued
I cant move
Every step closer to you
Sends my heart pounding
My head spinning
I lose all sense of logic
My nerves tingle at the lightest touch
Your hand pulls mine
And I am in your arms
The music fills the room
People close in around us
But all I can see
Is you and I
Reality fades and the dream envelops me
Dancing away with you
Time stands still
Until at last
It has come time to go home
For my carriage has turned into a pumpkin
And a princess I am no more
Until the next eve shall I see you
My prince charming
Will you wait for me

What is that I hear
Perfectly clear
And now I can feel the fear
Rising so high
Thinking that I might die
No not die
But possibly fly
For the sound that I hear
Should not cause me fear of death
Maybe I should be feared in return
For I am just the same as you are
But yet we fear that what is so clear
Though the very thing we should fear
Is fear itself
For fear is not as clear as death,
Life,
Love,
Or loneliness
So then why would we fret over something so uncomplicated
I may ask these questions
But the only place where the answers can be found is in you
Yes we know that the answer lies not beneath the skin,
But our very skull it lives in

The Haunting thoughts of the Darkness I once knew won’t stop flashing across my memory.
It took the ones close to my heart,
Failing with only a few.
The ones that did fall were killed in cold blooded ******,
No warning,
No chance to say good-bye.
After watching these horrors,
Feeling the pain I've felt,
It then tried to take me.
But I wouldn't let it.
I have too much to live for and have yet to begin my Life.
All of the Pain and sorrow I've seen and felt…
It’s too much to have lived through to give up my life that easily.
I have to be strong for the ones who are still here
And Keep Fighting for the ones who cannot.
Sometimes it is inevitable.
There is no veering off the path life has dealt you, but there is always HOPE.
Though each day I will Remember what I and many others have lived through,
I will also hold in my memory the ones I've lost,
The ones many others have lost,
And the ones still here fighting this battle each day.
I am just recovering from the War that raged in my body,
My Scars penetrating deeper that the surface can show.
To the families and friends who have fought,
Won,
Lost,
And watched loved ones fight,
We are not in this fight Alone.
Someday,
Somehow,
I will help find a Cure,
Be it by charity,
Research,
Or word of mouth.
One day we will beat CANCER.
But don’t stop fighting,
You can never stop fighting.
Because the day we stop fighting,
Is the day we all lose.

Darkness creeps in through the creveces
Soaking the edges of my bright life with an unruly stain
I thought I had left it far behind me
But i found the stain too strong to remove completely
A slow moving storm trying to engulf my once happy world
Now which has become a dark nightmare I plead to wake from
A word can be erased but the indent from its pressure will always be there
And how can one remove such a mark
Forgetting is impossible
Running Unbearable
Giving in Unacceptable
I will forever be in it's ever darkening shadow
Such grim claws crushing me in their grasp
How could my body betray me so
Letting illness breach their sturdy walls
Once i was cancer ridden and sickly pale
My wishes are strong but
I cannot find myself a Wishing well
Don't let it happen again
PLEASE
Let it all be a bad dream
Let me still be healthy
Give me a light that will forever blind this darkness knocking at my doors
But if it is true
And I have come to repat history for a third time
Give me piece of mind
Let me live at least a life will fullness
And not one ruled by hospital beds
My fights have been fought conquered and won
Twice I was so lucky
If I should go to battle a third time
Pray that luck has been bestowed upon me a third
My light will never be snuffed
I shall shine as brightly as a thousand stars in a pitch black world
My darkness will always be here
But So will I
At least I know I will Try
Until The very day I die

The sounds of explosions startle my heart
Deafening booms in my ears
But its worth it to be sitting here with you
Colorful explosions intermingle
Your hand reaches mine and i find our hands intertwining
Its a dance they do to the beat of the booms
Fireworks in the dark
It is all so very magical
But will it last through the night
This long yet short lived day has flown away
Your breath tickles my neck
as you lean in to say your good-byes
I had been so lost in the thought of tomorrow that i forgot about today
Now its over and there you are leaving
You take my hand one last time
You come near as you whisper in my ear
We'll always have fireworks in the dark
I smile as we part
I now know that this is just the start

For some crazy reason i can't sleep.
Every night i lay awake and think,
It’s all I can do.
Tossing and turning
While memories are burning.
Fears and darkness will haunt me.
I know once I close my blue eyes.
That is where the terror lye’s.
Dark images from the medications I took.
Knowing my body was controlled by disease.
Spending so many nights in that hospital room the colors started to blend.
Now I have finally started to mend.
Yet the scars won’t dissipate.
Trying to sleep I lay here every night hoping as I wait.
But each time sleep does greet me so do those haunting memories.
So for now I lie awake and count each breath I take.

I am gone into the wind
The word Love is  mediocre for what I once had
My Passion is not found without a will that you thought I never had
The Joy I have is an unbinding freedom that has led me to places you never imagined I could go
Watch me as I run far away, deep into fields of flowers and to lands far away
Immersing myself in something new, that is without you
I wonder if you wish you had followed me, and danced away the world along my side
Time has flown through my hair just as the wind does now
I’ll forget my worries as I run away with myself
Forgetting you is the best thing I could ever do
Spinning round and round the world goes
Yet I stand still
Watching it all go by
Breathless at the beauty I’ve found here
The silence of dawn swallows me each morning
I watch the great sun rise
I see the stars shine like diamonds in the night
My thoughts always forming and moving
Like an unyielding river in my mind
From time to time I think of you
And those moments we shared atop the world
Looking down at everything below us
And not caring, not seeing anything but each other
Being a part of one another
But letting me go was the best thing you could have ever done for me
I feel that I’ve melted into the wind
Freeing my soul to go
Where I’ve always needed to go
Far away from days with you
Far away from here
To some place new
My soul is untamable like a wildfire
My heart as big as the ocean
My love forever sweet
I am gone into the wind
Forever spinning with the world
I am free from the worlds restraints
Such sweetness of my love you shall never taste again
One day you will wake and morn your loss
Forever gone from you I will always be

Missing you
It is now my favorite past time
Every moment without you is agony
Every second spent with you
Pure bliss
Imagine
A sweet kiss
Sends me spinning
Into a river
Of madness
How can a single second without you
Feel like
A
Million years
Of
Loneliness
But
A year with you
Could never be
Enough
I want more
Always wanting more
More of you
This addiction
Is growing
Help me feed it
Withdrawals are too severe
This drug
I need it
You are my drug
My addiction
Please don’t leave me
For I fear
My heart would stop
And I could not
Survive
So just stay with me
Love me
To the moon and
Back

Could it be
Possibly
Just maybe
How could it happen already
Love for me
Is simple insanity
But just
Maybe
Possibly

Can you tell me whats real and whats my imagination
I feel like I been dreaming all this time and then I find
That It all could be true,
Yet it all could be made up
Who am I
To judge what is reality
And
Define that which is make-Believe
I cant grasp what has happened here to me
And you
Were you
Are you
Reality
Or
Just
A
Figment of my imagination
I just don't know anymore
Maybe one day we'll better understand this place that we reside in
Maybe you will be real
And this love that's grown here will be real
But
What
If
Its not...
What do we do then
How does it all work then
And will the thoughts that we question
Ever be
Answered
Then how would reality be separated from dream and imagination
But is it separate now
Do you even exist
What about me
Am I sane
Or is this
What my
Brain
Has
Done
Engulfing everything that ever made sense to me
Maybe I will understand it someday
Someday is an awful long time away

A person’s view on life
Is what they take from day to day
And in what ways the knowledge they find
May be useful in their mind
Days will come and days will go
But what may happen we won’t know
I’ve seen life in many forms
In joy and happiness
In anger and sorrow
Come tomorrow it all starts again
With each new morning comes a new day
A day to find grief,
truth, or belief
To make something better of yourself
To find joy,
fear,
love,
anything
People believe that with age comes wisdom
But I believe with experience comes wisdom
Some of us older,
some of us younger
I have seen death,
I have seen life
I have seen childhood,
I have seen parenthood
I have seen my beginning,
I have seen my ending
And I have seen all you can imagine in between
Life is a gift
Don’t be afraid of it,
embrace it
Live it to the fullest
Breathe each breath as if it could be your last
Take a chance and tell that special person you love them
Because you never know
You may not be able to do it tomorrow
The sun can rise just the same as it can set

A portion of me is gone
Just like that
My light snuffed out
But heres one thing you need to know
Im not gonna be okay
For a long time
But the day I am
Im forgetting you
But not what we had
Or the things you taught me
Just how it felt so bad
To lose a whole part of me
When all you hold dear can be gone in the blink of an eye
And you don’t really know why
All I can tell you is to
Truly appreciate that person
Who taught you to open
And let them in
But when the winds of change come whispering through
Time will do to you
What ive found done to me
Ive heard people say love dies
But I never believed it
Until he told me
His had
Yet mine still lies
Broken
Many times ive tried to close my eyes
Tonight
But each time your face appears
Taunting
Haunting
Killing me inside
I will cry a thousand tears
But still I wish to say
Thank you my dear
I will move on and find new happiness somewhere else
With someone else
I am sorry I could not give you
What you needed to be happy
People say time heals all wounds
Lets see

I bet you think you know me A smile on my face A laugh in the air
My world has not a care
But that’s not the truth
Im a deciver
I hide behind this lie
My face is a Mirror of what you all need to see
But Im lost inside
Hidden in the darkness of loss
No one sees me
If you knew how I feel deep down
You wouldn’t love me
Couldn’t
Shouldn’t…
I miss her in my world
I miss my best friend
I miss my other half…
Life can be so cruel making us strong people say
One day I plan to leave this place
And run away from thoughts and memories
They tell me im lucky, and I know I am.
But I am sad and lost
So I am leaving
I promise Ill come back one day
After Ive seen what I need to see
And this brokenness inside me finally starts healing

When I disappear I go so far from here
No one can find the heart inside of which I hide
Its hollowed and sullen now
But I’ve built walls and made a home here in the hole of it all
The soft red shades of it had faded to gray
Sitting alone here is not as sad as it seems
I find peace in the slowing and quickly fading beatings of it
It may not be much but it is all that I have
A saddened heart in which I sit
Try to find me
Just watch for the thistles that surround in protection
I will grow a garden here
I will make this sad darkened heart beat once more
I think to myself
As the last beat echoes through the hollowed walls of this lost heart
Remaining forever safe and hidden away from the world
At peace at last

Do you not see that I am still standing here
How long do you think I will wait
Patience is my strongest suit
But it seems you are taking
More of it than I have
I am trying to make this work
How is it I have quit you
But each time I do so
You come back
Begging
PLEADING
For one more chance
ONE MORE CHANCE
How many “One more chances”
Can a girl give without
Bleeding dry from all the wounds
You've caused
Is this just a game you play
I have convinced myself it is
But If you want the truth
My heart can no longer take the abuse
But I feel my soul would die without you
In this sad creation I have made around you
I told you in the beginning
That I was fragile and broken
That my feelings were hard to express to others
But somehow you opened me
Healed me
Loved me
And
Left me
So this is for you
From me
Saying good bye
I know I will recover
And survive
And one day
Remember
That you were the one
Who saved me from myself
So thank you
But I can no longer go on
Torturing myself
It is time to find a love
That will make me whole
Good bye Dark Angel
Good bye

Time is ever flowing
But my time is never slowing
What time do I have left here
Should I live in fear
As I hold my dear ones near
In my final breathes I breathe
Time starts to leave me
In a river twisting and turning
My heart yearning
For just another minute
I don’t wish to leave
I close my eyes gently
Grasping your hands in mine
Time has found me at a loss
The absence of time comes to greet me
All that ever was will no longer be
As it comes to take me
Tears slip down these familiar faces around me
I wish I could say something comforting
That it will all be okay
My time has come
Taking me so young
They all surround me now
I wish they would stop crying
I wish I would stop dying
But time is the final decider
Nothing I can do
Nothing they can do
I have lived
I have loved
I have cried
And now I had died
Hello my dear friend time
I promise
Ill be just fine

Theres a light hidden somewhere
I swore I knew it once upon a time
At least I thought there was
Someone told me that, that light was Hope
I hear you can find that light in young children still
But I hope those children grow up better than I
I watched one day as that light was torn from my heart
Torn from my soul
By this harsh cruel world
Surviving this life with that light is a feat
Someday I plan to find my light again
One day an elderly man told a little girl
The world’s a cold dark place,
But it doesn’t have to be that way
It can be beautiful as long as you keep that light
The one In your heart alive
I am that little girl
But I foolishly gave my light to someone else
And they demolished it
Maybe someday
Somewhere
Someone will replenish it

Beauty
It’s the first word that comes to mind when I think of what I have with you
Unsuspecting
I wasn’t looking for this
Yet it forced itself into my life
Breaking down the door
Tearing down my walls
And now Im standing here
Unprotected
Yet so safe and warm
How can that be so
I look into those blue diamonds of yours
And I feel as if I am drowning
Such beauty
Your soul is beautiful
I have never met someone such as you
You live life, truly live
Never a moment of hesitation in what you choose to do
How have I come to have you
In my life
Like the sun shining
Covering every part of me
In your bright warmth
Stay with me
Be mine
And Ill be yours

He doesn't know the extent of it.
How much I have actually let him into my heart.
Foolishly I let myself fall into a pool of dazzling water.
Now I cannot find my way out as I start to drown.
I never have let myself become such a mess over a man.
Now at the thought of him I am resolved to almost nothing.
I am afraid to admit the truth to even myself,
but it’s there sitting in the front of my mind.
I cannot hide from it much longer.
These things I have started to feel there not normal,
I think.
But how could it ever be.
He creeps into my thoughts every moment,
though I wish they would just dissipate.
I am sinking deeper into this pool; it seems to have unthinkable depths.
I was not expecting this.
Why can I not hide from these long hidden fears?
Trying to run from them is impossible.
Running on water I have never thought to be possible.
It is like trying to climb a latter without steps.
As I except what I have done to myself I feel joy.
The water that has taken hold of me is beautiful and comforting.
I know in a way I am safe,
as long as I come up for air every now and then.
I now start to tread the water,
no more sinking or drowning for me.
It may seem it was a simple thing,
but love is a more complicated creature than one would think.

Dear love of mine
I will wait til the end of time
Searching through worlds for you
The sun is going down
Tomorrow will bring me you
Sunlight slips through your hair
Catching the curve of your smile
Where has time taken you
Gone from me
Lost for now
Meet me at dusk
Up on the willows bow
That’s where I wait for you now
Don’t fret love of mine
We will find each other in good time
The sun is setting now
Darkness encircles my world
But your smile makes it bright
These shadows cannot **** your light
Tomorrow will bring our love anew
If there is no tomorrow
I know our love does not die in sorrow

I want someone to come chasing me through tall forests filled with fog
Someone whos arms wrap around me tightly as if they’ll never let me go
Take me away
Just please if you love me
take me away today
Finding the strength to go on was hardest to do I thought
But then I found you
And ive found breathing around you
Near impossible
You take my hand so easily
Not knowing what it does to me
So take me away in your mind today
Engulfing me in your scent
Making every moment I ever spent before you
A far distant nightmare
Dance with me in the moonlight
Tell me Im you’re princess
We can run away as long as you say
That you will be mine
Please say you’ll be mine
There you stand a crooked grin and an open hand
Leaning in toward me
I never thought I’d be the one that needed saving
Make me laugh a thousand times in a day
All my dark thoughts fade away
Please just make sure you’re here to stay
I don’t think my heart could take it
If another walked away

I am alive today
Because of you.
Death has knocked at my door multitudes of times and you've been there to scare it away.
There is no one else that means as much to me as you do.
You may never read this nor ever know the Honest truth.
The pieces of me they've been broken you've found a way to piece back together every time.
You taught me how to smile, to love and to cry.
You have fixed every broken heart every cut and bruise.
I love you more than you'll ever know.
When the pain is too much for me to explain you were my shoulder to cry on.
When the darkness creeps in on me, you are my light that shines it all away.
Dear lady of peace you took me from a broken home and abuse, gave me reason to be happy and watched over me through everything.
When I had given up and was letting go of my life you were there to keep my heart beating.
Desperately alone I've felt but you came through with a hand to hold.
No one understands me like you.
Please know that all the times you've helped me see, that this world isn't as cruel as i think, still sticks with me.
As I walk this road with the sun setting I can see you laughter in your eyes. The smile that touches you face. And i am content with life. All I want is for you to feel joy.
You may not be blood, but you are more than that. I love you more than you could ever know mom.
You will always be my Mom my best friend and the person i trust most.

There’s a light in my heart
But you can’t see
It’s hidden by the dark
When I’m lost in the dark
I scream and cry out to see if anyone can hear
In that moment of fear
I've found I've lost it all
My insanity taking over me
Moment by moment
Will I ever find myself
In this Black abyss this dark nothingness
I hear a distant sound
I've been found
I was here all along
You were the light in the dark
And know I know where to start
Now that you've found my heart

My scars will be here forever,
but I won’t let them affect me.
They are a part of my beauty,
my soul.
Sometimes I resent them.
But they remind me of the fear I have faced and overcome in the years I have lived.
At times I wonder what life would be like,
if my path had been different…
But then I know I wouldn't be who I am today.
You can love me for my face,
for my features,
but that is not love at all.
I’d rather you love me for my soul and the things I have done and will do in this life.
A heart can be cold,
but mine never is.
And I hope it never will be.

I write for love.
I write for sorrow.
Sometimes I even write to bring tomorrow.
I write for joy,
And I write for horror.
The things that I cannot bring myself to speak aloud.
They are always easier to write in a white cloud of papers.
The written word can bring more emotion than a single thought at times.
I write to make the world disappear.
To make myself pause and see the beautiful in the world.
There may be pain,
Love,
Joy,
And all other emotions in this life we lead day by day.
But they are all beautiful in there own way.
This is why I write,
To show the beauty in the world.
Such beauty can lie in not so far off places...

I wish you could understand
That this is not easy for me
Can you not see
How every particle of my being
Is pulled towards you
It’s as if breathing
Living
Just being
Is impossible without you
A moment without you by my side
Is an eternity in darkness
I did not want this
But somehow it found me
And now
Its all around me
Surrounding me
And It’s all I want
I fear this is all a dream
And when I wake you will be
Gone
And alone I will find myself
Once again
But if I am so lucky
And this is reality
Can you promise me
That when you do go
You will not break me
Into a million pieces
So that I may pull myself back together again
Maybe that I can one day be whole again
But until that day comes
You have all of me
My heart is yours

A life so short at the ending
Yet so long at the beginning
Time is nothing but it is everything
Existing as we are
Moving forwards and backwards
Up down and sideways
At the exact same time
Always colliding
These lives intertwine
One beginning with another
thoughts ending with the other
Yours mine and ours
Each of us
A ribbon of light
A line securely tied tight
When severed
Fades
Darkens
Until it is nothing
This ride of intermingling pain and joy
Like a sweet n' salty treat
To live is not for nothing
And not for everything
This path walked by many is unforgiving
Yet enlightening
We are the same
But we are different
Some fill their living moments with all that is possible
Others leave theirs blank
A minute is short
But a second can last forever

Life makes me tired
Living each day with the movement and thunder of it
Swaying from day to day
The river of this life always flowing
never slowing
Things are never as they seem nor are they easy
But i keep going down this river again
Hoping behind each bend
That theres something worthwhile
I know there is
So I'll keep looking
But this time
I open my eyes and have only found lies
the river will one day come through and send me
To that bend which brings hope
This time I have opened my eyes
I see the world as it should be
with a simple surprise

The day is young he said to me
Lead the life you live and be free
So I lived in that day
The world embraced me with warm and open arms
That day was young and well lived
Once that day was over
I then asked him
Now that this day is done
What was I to learn from it
The day is a memory
He said to me
To hold forever in your heart
You have learned that
In the passing of something great
Though you’ll be saddened by the loss
You will always have the warm memory in your heart
So the day may be young and will be over soon
Make the most of it and don’t regret
There is nothing to lose

Empty holes people leave in me when they’ve left
Are just bearable to say the least
I walk a line down the middle of the road
Searching deep inside
Trying to find something worth saving
Loss took the child in me
Love has broken the girl in me
Hatred brought forth the woman in me
And Pain is all I can see
Day by day I keep going
Hearts break and love can grow
All I need is a hand to hold, a hand that will stay.
Avoiding what the world wants to throw at me
Its all I can do to stay
I keep wondering what really is left for me here
Even the one keeping me here
Doesn’t even see
Our eyes cry and our tears fall
Just so we know that it hurts
One day I will find a place where I can stay
And no one will leave me
For now Ill walk this line down the middle of this road
In the dark alone

When I have nothing to do
I try not to think of you
Or the way you left my heart in a million pieces
The way you walked out the door
And said I don’t love you anymore
How you left me on the floor
Crying myself to sleep for so many nights
Hopping that I might hear the phone ring
Then you’d appear and everything would become clear
But now it’s been over a year since I shed a single tear
Now when I think of you
It’s all I can do not to hate you
I do not cry anymore but my anger becomes high
Higher than the sky
Yes it has been long since I’ve moved on
And now I am thinking of you again
But not the way you left me that day
Only of how stupid I was to let you in
Now you’re gone
Just like you had been all along

Glowing
That’s what everyone tells me I am doing
I am simply glowing
A reason?
Yes
That would be you
I am simply floating on air
My feet no longer touch this mundane earth
I am so light hearted
I have fallen for you
And you have caught me
Lifting me so high
Giving me hope
And joy
All this from you
A man I never suspected
Stood here all this time
And now its as if my eyes
Can finally see
Right here what’s before me
They say love is blind
Maybe they are right
Only time will tell
Everything that needs to be know