Here I am

Once again
Better than I was before

I'm tired of being walked all over
I'm tired of being treated like a floor

It is time to get up
Time to open a new door

Everyday is different for you
Never making up your mind

My mind had been set
My love, you can no longer find

I will always miss you dearly
And keep you close inside my heart

But, I think it's for the better
If we head back to the start

I do not wish for pain
for the time we are apart

Seperation makes the heart grow fonder

I so desperately crawl
Somewhere safe

Where I can rest

This pain I felt in my chest
So ordinary
It almost tells me
Life is hard

So I crawled down a forever winding road

A road so long,
the only end is a hole

So I ventured into that hole

It became my home

I loved it down there
laughing everyday
loving everyday
not a care in the world

But, then I had realized
That this was no longer
A nice place

Something happened,
that I cannot even explain

I wanted to leave my home
Forever

It was no longer a safe place

Not for my body
Not for my mind

But, everytime I went to get out of that hole I called home
Something pushed me back in

Then
light as bright as a new mornings sun,
handed me a rope

This rope screamed my name,
So loud I was frightened to grab a hold

I was elevated from this hole

Into the world I was missing

This sun was so nice to me
Always wanting me to do good things

Helping me move through in a positive way

The sun transformed into a woman
I loved this woman

She always listened
and cared

I became in love with this woman so quickly
I scared myself

I was so afraid of this emotion I felt
I didn't speak

I just did whatever the woman wanted

I was found by a lover that was not only my way out of the darkness, but it was a lover who needed and still needs help out of their own darkness.

Laughter
Adventure
Fun
and Games

We all knew each other
And also each of our names

We played so well together
Didn't get bored when we were together

Everything always ended in a laugh



-



Now we don't know each other
We barely speak to each other

That laughter
Those games
That fun
And adventure
is now circling down the drain

Now when we are near one another
We are not sane

Everything ends up in tears

We are not free
We are slaves to the system
When we as for help
You just pretend to listen
But when we speak out
We as individuals are shut put

So go ahead and tell me where you went to college
Looking down the barrel of a loaded gun, which is your knowledge
You tell me that I don't have potential
I don't give a **** about your ******* credentials

But still
You shove it down my throat
expecting me not to choke
you expect me to listen to you
when you won't even listen to me

Now here I am

What if you heard that the next day I chose the rope instead of the books
Do you feel how wrong this looks
What would you do then?
Would you still be sipping drinks in your den
Or would you realized that you should have handed me a piece of paper and a pen

STILL
You continue to feed the flame

So I say **** the system
They won't listen

Hungry.
but all I have is cigarettes,
so I smoke.

Exhausted from all this walking.
I sit down,
hand out.

Do you have any spare change?
"No, sorry."
Everyone answers the same.

Strive
(but for what?)
(you're no body)
Just a homeless man

A pillow would be nice.
But I would have no where to keep it?
My life is like a secret.

Another cigarette.
(only 2 left)
(need to make them last)

Stomach is knotted
(better find food)
I know the town,
there is a store close by.

"Hello sir, how are you?"
Fine, thanks.

I walk around the store.
The smell of food,
cancels the hunger.

But just in case,
I stole a candy bar.

I sit down to eat,
and smoke another cigarette.
Put my hand out.

(the people here are generous)
I got twenty dollars here once.
Bought three packs of cigarettes,
and a lighter.

A five dollar bill,
falls into frame.

I look around,
no one near.
It must be a sign.
Somebody is telling me to wake up, inside.

There's that candy bar.
Oh so good.
Finish it off with a cigarette.

Then I will buy another pack.

Wind, rushing
Up and down the body
Hair, like wildfire
Hands, held together
Struggling for warmth

I feel the wind
In between my toes
like rushing water through a canyon
Feeling smaller with every gust
Eroding

My body
Shivering
Muscles spasm uncontrollably
I need clothes
I need shelter

The bone chilling air comes over me once more
I have no more hope
No more drive
I stop
And let the snow fall

I'm not sure why I think this way
But it seems to be the only way I think
There is no right or wrong
No left or right
No up or down

My mind is lost
In a pool of thought
No one knows the thoughts I've thought
No one but me
And I leave it that way

I silently wish for a new day
But they are all the same
Same people
Same places
Same stuff
Everyday

And my mind continues
Pondering
Wondering
loosing itself in its own though

I try to grasp onto the slight hope
Of what I call reality
The only reality I will know
The light that once was shined
Through the darkness

I begin to miss that light
that light that brought me happiness
joy
and love

Now I am here
In the darkness
The darkness of my reality
The only thing I will ever know

The things I once knew
Are now lost
Old habits begin to start

And slowly
My mind
Becomes darker
darker than absolute black

And there is nothing.

Yet again
I have more thoughts

I looked into your eyes
You are in love
So in love
You can't look away

I hear your voice
You are in love
So in love
Your voice stutters

I feel your touch
You are in love
So in love
Your hands shake

I hear your breath
You are in love
So in love
Your breathing becomes faint

I feel your body
You are in love
So in love
Your body comes closer everytime we touch

I listen to your words
You are in love
So in love
You say you love me

I feel your heart beat
You are in love
So in love
We are the same

We are in love

So in love

It drives us insane

When it is open,
you can see.
Everything here
is meant to be.

The sad,
mad,
happy,
glad.

Experiences to be had.

Loving,
losing,
begging,
choosing.

When you know that,
it goes easy.
No queasy,
unsettled stomach
mixed with a broken heart.

No wishing to restart,
because it's all a part.
With one start.

So, don't diminish before the finish.
Don't get cocky after a scrimmage.
Don't get mad because you have to do the dishes.
Don't be sad your friends sleeping with the fishes.

The life you have,
has it's own salve.

It may take one thousand lives for you,
but you can help you through.
As long as you keep it open.
I'm not jokin'.

If you can't open it,
be with it.
Learn it,
understand it.

The mind is insane,
like an open flame to propane.

My desire is to spread knowledge,
like wild fire.

Mine is open.
Peaceful?
Serene?
Beautiful?
No.

Just content,
unbent.
And ready for anything.

Don't follow
Don't lead
Proceed

If you have never done something, do it.
Who's holding you back from the way you act?
Your Dad, Girlfriend, Boyfriend or Mother?
Uncle, Aunt, Sister or Brother?
Friends?

No, you are holing back.
All you do is talk about skills you lack.
If you took all your skills and put them in a stack,
It could get you to the moon, then back.
Stop bein so whack

Because you are human.
All you mean to do is learn and adapt.
So go back to your roots.
There's nothing wrong with that.

You'll realize your physical body is the trick in fact.
And that's scary at first, but for better or for worse
You shed the veil, the forgotten curse.
This is an event one cannot rehearse.

Sometimes,
I'm not where I want to be.

Sometimes,
I see things I don't want to see

Sometimes,
I hear things I don't want hear

Sometimes,
I say things that shouldn't be said

Sometimes,
I think thoughts that don't need to be thought

Sometimes,
I wish for things I can't have

Sometimes,
I follow instead of lead

Sometimes