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Nov 2015 · 801
When Delivering Bad News
Chris Dionisio Nov 2015
Let me down easy
Don't soften the blow with formalities or kind words
The delivery is slice of rye that should be washed down, not buttered
Do not leave me hungry and desiring more
Let me drown in the wash of Time and liquor
Let me dive into the sharp icy bath of realization
Stop my heart and shock my senses
Spare no expense of my feelings or wellbeing
Let it be a summer storm to last but a day in my life
Then I will know that you truly care
Nov 2015 · 582
A Good Morning
Chris Dionisio Nov 2015
The house is still in slumber
I peak out my window and the sun peaks back
Dawn.
I pick my layers and dig for change
A Banana Rep sweater, a Lee denim jacket, and $6.75 in various coins.
I tuck my jeans into and lace up my boots while music plays in my ears
Arctic Monkeys.
I head out the door
It's cold out and an elderly cyclist crosses in front of me at a steady pace
The smell of cigarette smoke dances into my nostrils
I breathe in
Soon that will be me.
I make it to the 7-Eleven and greet good morning to a homeless man who had just woken up
Please don't let that be me.
I go inside and ask for Marlboro reds
Ah, Death's satin dress.
The clerk tells me to quit
I smile to hide my irritation and tell him, "Maybe."
As I head home, I spark one of Death's twenty porcelain fingers
It's still cold out
Yet I sacrifice my right hand's comfort for another drag.
It's going to be a good morning.
Chris Dionisio Oct 2015
Cigarette smoke fills my lungs as I press graphite to the dimly lit page
I am uncertain if my light source is the street lamp or the moonlight
Mucus builds up in the back of my throat
Lovely habit
I look up and see Orion and wonder what he thinks of me
Does he think of me?
I put out my cigarette and the faint yet pungent odor of marijuana hits me
Maybe some Mary Jane would help this flow better
Maybe
I begin to count
Ten
Ten cigarettes to last me until Monday
I reach for another, begrudgingly
Filthy habit
Orion looks down at me with disgust
Or is it indifference?
Marlboro Red's
The sharp veil that adorns Death's alluring figure
Each puff is a tighter grip onto my unhallowed lover
Smoke hits my eyes, stinging them
Death is such a tease
And I am in love
Chris Dionisio Oct 2015
The weight of emotion sinks into my soul
The weight of loss crushes my chest
Pressure builds inside of me
Rage and sorrow, love and frustration
I want to apologize
I want her to apologize
I want to hold her and tell her that I'm still here
I want her to need me again
Every thought of her pains me
My breath shortens
My arms grow heavy
I want to release the pressure the only way I know how
I want to hurt myself
Even now my mind drifts to the blade
Sweet crimson life dripping out
Please, help lift these stones from my chest
Help release this pressure inside me
Whoever, wherever you are
Please, help me
Chris Dionisio Oct 2015
Spending nights off in
Bars or back at school
Spending nights off
Laying in bed sad and alone
Going out at my own expense
Paying no mind to my
Bank account or rent
Spending my breaks
Smoking out half a lung
Worrying more if I have money
For cigarettes than for rent
Coworkers and family ask
If I have a girlfriend yet
I tell them I don’t have
The time or money when
Really, I don’t have
Confidence
November is my birthday
I’m turning twenty-two
I’m feeling twenty-blue
Oct 2015 · 417
Chasing Lightning
Chris Dionisio Oct 2015
I watch the energy roar silently across the sky through the thin veil of cigarette smoke
The parking lot lamp lights the page
A midsummer night in October and my skin sticks to my shirt with sweat and desperation
I look at my life and think
Our individual existence is as fleeting as a blot of lightning
The observation or neglect of it doesn't make it not so
Yet we cannot help but be in awe of it all
Apr 2014 · 502
City Lights
Chris Dionisio Apr 2014
I was the boy who refused to grow up
And as punishment for this hubris
The world moved on without me.
My friends all out grew make-believe
While I spun stories in my head.
They learned and embraced responsibility
While I was crushed by the weight of my decisions.
They adapted to the jaded world of adulthood
While I became prisoner to my habits and ideals.
They pressed on from struggle and forward with life
While I stood still, wallowing in depression.
They have their futures
While I have my present.
And perhaps, like the absent-minded astronomer,
They will fall into the well of Now
While I sit back and enjoy the city lights.
Mar 2014 · 306
Room With a View
Mar 2014 · 297
Life Is...
Chris Dionisio Mar 2014
Life is
           like climbing
a rope ladder
           It's scary at
first, but the
           only way to
go is
           Up.
That is
           Life.
Mar 2014 · 382
Welcome
Chris Dionisio Mar 2014
Welcome mats say a lot of things
They tell a guest first and foremost:
"Welcome"
They also say:
"Come in, if your are clean."
Or even:
"**** of, just trying to be polite"
These are the welcome mats.
Mar 2014 · 379
Home
Chris Dionisio Mar 2014
Home is where the heart is
Home is a radiator and a gas stove
Home is a quiet room to yourself
Home is in front of the TV
Home is in front of the computer
Home is a garden
Home is a fruit tree
Home is a book
Home is sanctuary.
Feb 2014 · 575
Remember
Chris Dionisio Feb 2014
Remember when you were a kid
And you would spend the summers at Mama and Papa's?
When ---- was pushing you onto the bed
And you farted in her face?

Remember even further back to Christmas at Uncle ----'s old house
When you headbutted *----
Remember when what was *----'s was yours
And what was yours was *----'s, sometimes?
And *---- always had the cooler toys,
So you'd come out on top anyway

Remember when you visited the Philippines
And all you wanted was to spend time with Lolo
So you did?
You had the farmhands catch a chicken and **** it so that you could cook it.
Then you'd hang out with them and play pool to look cool.
You took a cigarette from a pack of what you now know were Parliaments.
Remember walking down Cochin
And telling Lolo to stop smoking?
He's tell you that it was okay because he was old.
Well now he's still old
And with cancer.
And now you smoke and refuse to stop.

Remember when you promised to stop hurting ----?
But no matter what, you'd end up in her room at night.
You'd call yourself a monster
Make yourself sick
But nothing changed, not until you got caught.

Remember the first time you hit someone?
You got him in the stomach, like the ******* coward you are.
Look even further back , you pounced on that same kid, pinning him to the ground

Remember, in high school,  you got into your fist real fight?
Some ******* was throwing ***** in the locker room,
Hit a **** ******-bag,
And blamed you.
The **** took the ball and hit you.
Remember seeing red and losing control?

Do you remember? I do.
I remember because I am you.
I am the selfish, violent, ***-crazed machine of a man you have become.
I am the monster that glares back when you look into a mirror.
I am every vice embedded in ever fiber of your being.
I am you, remember?
Part 1 of 2
Feb 2014 · 448
When April Comes
Chris Dionisio Feb 2014
When April comes, you'll be in my arms
When April comes,  I'll be the one to make you laugh and blush
When April comes, you'll give me butterflies
When April comes, I'll be the one to make you sing
When April comes, we'll push each others' buttons
When April comes, we'll spend each moment like it will be our last
When April comes, we'll eat of the lotus petals
When April comes, the weekend will be eternal
When April comes, we'll love each other
When April comes, if April comes
Feb 2014 · 333
Someone
Chris Dionisio Feb 2014
I want someone to hold for no reason
I want someone who will laugh at and with me
I want someone who smiles with her lips and her eyes
I want someone who will come to for everyone
I want someone who will cuddle to a John Hughes movie
I wand someone
Feb 2014 · 338
On My Person at All Times
Chris Dionisio Feb 2014
A pocket book for thoughts and a cassette player for music
Cigarettes to keep and **** to smoke
Some comic books to read and notes to study
A change of clothes for work and keys to my house
Veins full of blood and lungs full of air
A heart full of love and a head full of regret
Feb 2014 · 868
Imagination
Chris Dionisio Feb 2014
People used to ask me,
"If you could have any superpower, what would it be?"
I would respond,

"Super-strength, because I am weak," or
"Elasticity, because I am short," or
"Flight, because I am grounded."

But recently, I have made a revision.
The superpower I would choose is one we all possess.
The superpower I would choose is imagination.

I can pretend for a moment
That I am a champion with great strength.
I can spread my wings and dance on the clouds.
I can explore the deepest of oceans and the highest of mountains.
But best of all, I can pretend for a moment
That you belong to me, and I belong to you.
Feb 2014 · 734
Red
Chris Dionisio Feb 2014
Red
Red is the color of apples.
It is the color of roses, cherries, and strawberries.
Cranberries are red and so are watermelons.
Red is the color of sunsets.

Red is also the color of passion.
It is the color of love, anger, and embarrassment.
We blush red and we burn red.
Red is the color of us.

Red is the color of your hood.
It is the color of your cheeks when you blush.
Your lips are red and so is your soul.
Red is the color of you.
Feb 2014 · 755
Steel Pennies
Chris Dionisio Feb 2014
I've got three steel pennies on my table and a half dollar in my pocket
I've got a Phantom of the Opera music box on display and a replica lightsaber hidden away
I've got a stack of comic books on my dresser and a few more on the way
These are among my prized possessions
But none compare in value to what I've got for you
I've got my ticket to American Idiot on Broadway and a signed playbill and iPod
I've got signed coppies of Under the Influence by Straight No Chaser and The Warblers CD
But none of these compare in value to what I've got for you
I've got it bad and I've got it in excess
It's overflowing and I'm a mess
What have i got for you
I'll tell you now
I've got nothing but love, Red,
And it's all for you
Jan 2014 · 457
Welcome, New Year
Chris Dionisio Jan 2014
Welcome, New Year,
It's been a long time coming.
Welcome, opportunity,
God knows I need a few.
Welcome, possibility,
May you be endless.
Welcome, fortune,
Please come quickly.
Welcome, heartache,
Be kind.
Welcome, New Year,
It's been a long time coming.
Dec 2013 · 1.1k
Fuck (Across the Pond)
Chris Dionisio Dec 2013
I look at your face and picture
Us
My arms wrapped around you by a fire
I think to myself
"This is nice."
But then I remember,
You're across the pond

I see your smile and picture
Us
We are at the cinema and you laugh at the film
I turn to you and smile
But then I remember,
You're across the pond

I listen to your laugh and picture
Us
We are sitting at a café having lunch
When I whisper something snarky about the woman behind you
You laugh and we are happy
But then I remember,
You're across the pond

I watch you blush and picture
Us
We are walking in the park, hand-in-hand
I stop, turn to you, tell you how beautiful you are, and kiss you
You blush and all is well
But then I remember,
You're across the pond

****
Dec 2013 · 1.5k
For You
Chris Dionisio Dec 2013
You always listen to my voice mails,
So I know you care.
You always save them,
So I know you love me.
But I also know that there is another whom you love and who loves you
And I am heartbroken.
I am heartbroken because he is the one,
Your one.
I am heartbroken knowing that he gets to hold you
And you hold him.
I am heartbroken to think of him kissing you
And you kissing him.
I am heartbroken,
But I can still hope.
I hope that he treats you well.
I hope that he makes you happy.
I hope that you think of me from time to time.
But most of all,
I hope that some time in in this life or the next
We get our chance.
If any of these were to be fulfilled,
I would be happy.
But I hope it is the last.
Dec 2013 · 1.1k
It's Christmastime
Chris Dionisio Dec 2013
It's Christmastime again
The time for last minute shopping and cooking
The time for seizure-inducing decorations and migraines brought on by obnoxious laughter
The time for grandma to pinch cheeks and uncles nagging about your love life
The time to be alone with family and just be alone
Yeah, it's that time again
It's Christmastime again
Dec 2013 · 954
Dear Mom (I'm Sorry)
Chris Dionisio Dec 2013
I know I don't say this often
And I know that I should
So let me start by saying, Mom,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I'm sloppy
I'm sorry I'm insane
I'm sorry that I stress you
I'm sorry I'm a pain
I'm sorry I'm not grateful
I'm sorry you're not proud
But I need you more than ever
To get me off this cloud
I never meant "I hate you"
I'm sorry for those words
But I really need your help, Mom
To take away the hurt
I'm bleeding from my wrists now
I don't know what to do
And this may not be the best way
To tell you, "I love you"
But I really have to go now
Don't forget me when I'm gone
Just please say you forgive me
For all the **** I've done.
Nov 2013 · 592
Ten Minutes
Chris Dionisio Nov 2013
Ten minutes
Ten minutes till my shift starts
Ten minutes to think of the hours spent thinking of you
Ten minutes to try and figure out how this, we will work
Ten minutes to think of the tens of thousands of reasons I want you
Ten minutes to dread the millions of reason why we can't be
Ten minutes to try to forget briefly how I feel about you
Ten minutes to pull myself together
Ten minutes to tell you for the billionth and last time, "I love you"
Ten minutes
Nov 2013 · 341
I'm A Mess Too
Chris Dionisio Nov 2013
Your eyes freeze my soul and warm my heart.
Your smile burns through thought and cools my mind.
I don't know you, but I could spend a thousand lifetimes with you.
I can't touch you, but I'll hold you in my heart forever.
You say that I can find better, but I don't believe it.
You say that you're a mess; well, I'm a mess too.
Let's get messy together
Nov 2013 · 1.2k
Wake Up
Chris Dionisio Nov 2013
Wake up and tell me what you see
The time for dreams is over
No more pain or suffering
No more joy
No more happy or sad
Good or evil
Just being
Just seeing
Just knowing
Just loving
Loving for the sake of loving
Loving for the chance of being loved
Being loved so that you can see
So now close your eyes
And tell me what you see
Now close your eyes
And wake up.

— The End —