I never told you this,
it's a bit embarassing,
but every wish I make,
I make it for you.

Every penny thrown into fountains,
every lucky stars shinning bright,
every last cigarette of the pack,
is a wish for you

I wish that your troubles will go away.
I wish that you will no longer need those antidepressants.
I wish that you finally get the break you need.

If it means I'll never see you again,
if it means you'll forget about me,
so be it.

You deserve to be happy.

Dude! party tonight at 9, be there or:
- be somewhere else which would decrease the amount of admiration people accredit you.
- stay at home and catch up on some important tasks.
- be likened to a geometrical shape composed of for lines of equal length, each separated by ninety degree angles.
- don't, it's your choice after all. I just really want to see you and catch up.

This old drawing I made for my brother.
Nothing to look twice at.
An odd choice of paper for a drawing,
the shadows of ink caught my eye.

Some forgotten handout
from some forgotten class.

a situation is the outcome of its context. It cannot be judged separately from context, because it would not have arose without it.

Context. What is the context for me?
So many factors
some more subtle than others
each the cause for an effect.
Is that what they call "chaos theory"?

the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future.
Something about dependence on initial conditions...

What are they?
I'm sure I can find the origin.
My birth? wait no... my parents... no grandpa-...

... no... even further back
if you want to make apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
That far, huh?

Kind of a big picture.
An Earth-sized map of the Earth.
Hurts my head a little.

You can find me in my blanket, where the world is not so big, and the possibilities not so infinite.

Trust is a luxury that few possess.
Promise not to tell?
Depending on strangers
is sometimes easier than friends.

Just tell me.
Any deep dark secret,
irrational fear.
Any kind of worry,
I've had troubles as well.

Advice from experience,
or from educated guess.
Advice to follow,
or to ignore.

Advice is optional,
if expression is all you need.

New country,
new language to learn.
It's so exciting when you're only 5.
Wanting to meet everyone,
wanting to learn their story.
Enthusiastically barely understanding.
Some words familiar,
movies had taught me a handful.

Finally someone understood
my parents are French too, but I was born here
Maybe he'll be my friend?

Still so much too learn,
Laura, what sunk the titanic?

I knew the answer, but not the word
aan ice cewbe?

I really did know the answer
HAHA you're so stupid! It was an iceberg!

I knew the answer
do you put icebergs in your drink, Laura? Hahaha
I just didnt know the word.

A unique sense of betrayal,
abandonment,
when you're own people shame you
for still trying to learn the words of another.

I thought we were the same
you're stupid and ugly
I had so many friends back home

I thought they would understand,
help maybe?
Always had been too gullible.

Maybe the movies were wrong.
No one befriends the outsider.
No one shows mercy.
It's survival of the fittest after all.

I had said it first
I love you

maybe he didn't hear me.
maybe he didn't want to.
he eventually answered,
it took a week... or was it two...

It was bitter with shame
I love you, but I can't

Something about my belief in life after life
I didn't want to have heard it
Keeping it in the dark where it would hurt silently.

Maybe if I keep saying it
I love you
Maybe it'll be true again.

He hurt me first
I should've told him.
I don't love you

He hurt me first. I didn't want to get hurt anymore.

you're a cold-hearted *****! Why would you ever do this to someone!

Sometimes it's better to be the villain of someone else's story than to never be the hero of your own.

When I was a kid I would pick at my scabs and re-open wounds on purpose. I just liked how it showed that I didn't fear getting hurt. My proof that I wouldn't let anything get the better of me.
Maybe it was all of the 'Xena: warrior princess' episodes I watched. I dont know.

I still check if theyre still there. I still brag about how I got them to everyone, even if it wasn't asked. Even the silliest ones. The one on my wrist from a scared antisocial cat, whom i gained the trust of in the end.

The one on my head which required three stitched, given to me by my brother when throwing a ping-pong racket at me. He felt so guilty that gave me his favorite game, and tried to pay for the hospital bill.

The ones on my knees from when I fell of my skateboard and broke my computer on my way to give a class presentation. I had recieved a perfect grade after having talked to a class who stared at my ****** and shaky knees.
They had all hurt, but each one has a lesson, and a dear memory. Never to be forgoten.

And why try?
Even the ones that you can't see will remind you. The broken bones and the torn muscles. They all leave a subtle mark of their existance.