I hope I never die

Part of me wants to be there to watch humanity collapse in on itself. I want to see the world destroy itself. Whenever that might be.  I want to be alive until the end of time, and meet new interesting people the whole time. I hope I never die, so I can see what the future for us holds. I’m a much too curious person.


I hope I die sooner rather than later.

Sometimes things get to be too much for me, and all I want is to die. Right there. Right then. On a whim. I don’t care what people say about me. They’ll say I’m just another one of those depressed teenagers who took her own life out of selfishness. I don’t care. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, no matter how ****** it is. I just don’t want to be alive to watch the few people that I actually love just deteriorate. I’m not ready for that. I’m not sure if I ever will be.

In all your wounds, I’ll pour salt.
Oh but then, would everything still be my fault?

You say you’re tired, you can’t do this anymore.
Well why don’t you go out, and find yourself a *****.

Obviously I don’t please you, I’m guessing I never did.
Now all that’s left are our memories, and those I’m trying to rid.

You once told me I was your everything, what ever happened to that?
Since there’s no more here to feel, it’s these scars I’ll peck at.

My lips burn as I look in the mirror.
I can’t help but focus on that pitiful stare.

The blood rushes through my veins.
I can’t help but look down at the blood stains.

I don’t feel anything anymore.
I've lost what I once stood for.

The blood drips down my wrist.
Why had I not the urge to resist?

Now look what you’ve done.
It’s too late to run.

What were you thinking?
I bet they’ll think I’d been drinking.

You know, I’ve longed for thee.
Get rid of your parti pris.

What shall I do when I see the light?
Will I even try to fight?

Maybe I’ll run right in.
And be convicted for sin.

Maybe I’ll be shown to heaven.
Though I doubt I’ll be forgiven.

Maybe they’ll chain me, and send me back.
But it’s at those chains I’ll wrack.

I didn’t want to be here.
It’s ourselves which I fear.

I can’t do it all over.
To humans I’ve had over exposure.

I saw my dreams that day.
I’m proud to say.
I realized that they weren’t actually too far away.

The tress were still,
The air, a chill.
I had indeed, seemed to find my will.

The grass, so green.
The landscape, pristine.
The sun was an ever so beautiful citrine.

I found myself that day.
I’m proud to say.
No longer do I simply want to run away.

The air spoke to me.
The trees, heard my plea.
In that moment, I surely knew I was free.

The leaves, caressed my skin.
Beauty bloomed within.
In that moment, I was free of sin.

Everything felt just that day.
I’m proud to say.
I absolutely loved to feel that way.

To the stars I am wed,
for thou are so beautiful,
and yet, long dead.

You know, when it comes down to it, I really am quite the hypocrite.
I can give people some of the most life-changing advice, yet I won’t take it for myself.
I work so hard helping the ones I care about most, when I can’t even help myself.
I can make someone feel so wonderful about themselves, make them realize that they really do matter, when I can’t even do the same for myself.
It’s sad really.
When you’re so involved in other people’s lives, yet you don’t even know what’s happening in your own.
You can help all the people in life you want, but what’s most important is helping yourself.
You can tell people that they matter, but you yourself need to believe the same.
Once in a while, help yourself.
Not only those around you.
For you, matter the most.