They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
When I look in the mirror,
I do not see beauty.
Flaws.
Flaws.
Flaws.

Growing up in this generation,
it seems you are not beautiful unless you are
thin, tan, airbrushed, well endowed, etc.
The list goes on
And
On.

All I see are in the mirror are
Flaws.
Flaws.
Flaws.

Countless times I have wondered
Why can't I be beautiful?
When I was seven, I came home after
Doing makeovers with friends.
I asked my mom,
Am I beautiful yet?
She looked at me with sad eyes and said that I was always beautiful.
Of course, I didn't believe her.

All I see in the mirror are
Flaws.
Flaws.
*Flaws.

"Your breakfast is on the table."
There's nothing on the table.

"Oh, then I left it in the toaster."
There's nothing in the toaster.

"...Oh."

I don't fear falling.

The fall excites me.

To be completely free for that short amount of time.
Who wouldn't want that?

I feel it would be much better than drowning,
the impact, so to say, would be quicker.

No,
What scares me is hitting the ground.
The fleeting moments of intense pain,
The thoughts racing through your mind,
The pain of your loved ones coming to you,
When you realize what you've done before
It's
All
Over.

Maybe I'll see you one day in the future.
We'll be a the grocery store
Or maybe at the mall.
We will walk by each other,
Maybe without sparing a glance.
But I will notice you
And you will notice me.
Maybe we will nod at each other?
Maybe you will say,
"It's been a while."
I don't know.

When you see me,
I hope you regret your decisions.
I hope you wish you hadn't made them.
I will keep my head up,
Not letting you know I still miss you.
Maybe one day I won't.
I don't know.

But today is not that day.

It's okay to be sad.
People will tell you:
"You can't be sad, there are people who have it worse."
This is true,
But it is okay to be sad.

Sometimes the weight of living becomes too much.
It is okay to be sad.
You can't appreciate happiness if you are never sad.

If you want to cry yourself to sleep because you
Cannot deal with the world at the moment,
That is okay.
It will get better,
But for the moment,
It is okay to be sad.

Thoughts racing through your mind
They won't stop
No beginning no end
No release no relief
Everything jumbling together

             Until you almost can't take it anymore.
             You clutch your head in pain,
Screaming,
             Everything is happening
             Yet to the onlooker, nothing is happening.

You want to give up, give in
To those awful thoughts in your head.
The nights full of crying,
Reaching out for any means of getting away.

However,
You won't let them win.
You try everything to ignore them,
Those voices telling you to end it all.
You can't let them win.

As time goes on, you still are
Looking for something, anything.
You don't know what.
But you still haven't let them win yet,
And you won't.