Stay with me God: the night is dark,
The night is cold; my little spark
Of courage dies. The night is long.
Be with me God and make me strong.

You're so far away,
And the space between us widens,
But the despair and pain in my heart
Weakens, imperceptibly,
Like a cloud floats and changes on the wind.

You enticed me at first
With mystery and promises of adventure.
I entered your world,
Leaving mine behind, on hold.
I embraced you, you embraced me,
But it was a cautious embrace,
We were strangers after all,
Enjoying good food and fun times,
But reluctant to reveal too much,
Keeping personal secrets hidden deep inside.
With time those truths have crept out into the light,
We’ve shared our hope and despair,
Many smiles and tears.
But I’m tired now,
I’ve played this game too long.
I love your random craziness,
But I need the comforts of home.
Don’t try to make me stay.
We always knew this wouldn’t last forever.
But I want you to know that you’ve changed me,
And I’ll never forget you,
And I’ll be back someday.
We’ll both be different then.
再见

It was early in my first semester teaching in a Chinese high school,
(also my first semester teaching, ever). As a new and inexperienced
teacher I was feeling kind of useless. The fact that the ‘foreign
teacher English classes’ aren’t taken too seriously at my school
didn’t help. Sitting alone in this foreign land, I was often left
wondering, ‘why am I here? What am I doing? What do I have to offer?’

I was giving my first test of the semester to one of my classes. There
was a girl in the class, sitting near the front by the window, and I
saw that she wasn’t doing any work on her test. Sometimes students
have a hard time with these tests, but I thought she was one of the
smarter students in the class. She looked really upset, but I didn’t
know what to do. I didn’t even know her name yet.

Once I collected all the tests back and started marking them, I
realized that not only did she not write anything on the test, she
didn’t even write her name. Not knowing the answers to the questions
is one thing, but not even writing her name, that was another thing
all together.

The next day, I asked her to stay after class and talk to me. I asked
why she didn’t write the test and she began to explain how she had
thought about killing herself the night before the test. She wanted to
take some medicine so that she would never wake up. But when she
thought about her mother and how upset she would be, she decided
against it.

We continued to talk for a while about her life, her goals, her
dreams. How she was often sad and depressed, how she missed being home
in her village, how she had no friends at school and really didn’t
like school. But she knew she must study hard in order to get a good
job and take care of her family. I did my best to encourage her, and
mostly just to listen.

After about an hour, she said, “Thank you. You are the first person
that has talked to me.”

I almost started crying when she said that. After being at school for
6 months no one – student or teacher, had really talked to her? Sure
her teachers had noticed a drop in her grades on the latest exam
scores. But no one had bothered to talk to her, ask her if there was a
problem.

Over the next few months Sarah and I wrote letters back and forth. She
described her home to me, and was always happy when she got a holiday
so she could go home for a few days for a visit.

Meeting Sarah confirmed to me that I was in the right place at the
right time. God really does know what He’s doing. If in the year or
two of teaching in China the only thing I accomplished was putting a
smile on one girl’s face, then it was all worthwhile.

Flowers float and flow in February forever
And a day too long and far away so
Take the train to September and stay a while this time.
Try to remember that sparkling time when
Rain turns to snow and love turns cold and
I asked you the question that you could not answer
So you smiled that way like who’s the Boss?
And I don’t know either.
Let’s ask the man with the hat and the cat,
It purrs when you’re not looking
And loses sleep in the winter.
I know I’m crazy but it only highlights the fact that
You don’t love me anymore. But it doesn’t matter.
I’m not left behind, I’m moving forward on rewind.
To a time when women are precious in a way
You cannot break or take so strike a match
And watch it burn. Light a fire,
It gets so hot and turns my cheeks red and fades
Down to a glowing ember and up in smoke.
I know the dream and the way to December.
Don’t call me.
Don’t call me anything anymore anyway.
If it’s all the same I’d rather dance alone in my kitchen.
It’s a little small for two.