I tried
To reach the top
Of this 6 foot deep hole,
But I just couldn't get up.
I dug myself down there
and kept my self digging.
I feel the paranoia sinking, seeping,
Burying itself deeper and deeper
Into my skin.
No matter how hard I try
I cannot seem to win.
I'm just never going to be good enough for you.
Why bother giving in
If you won't ever give me a chance
To win?

I would follow the lines of your hands,
The slopes of your muscles,
The curve of your spine,
The nape of your neck
Like the roads on a map.
Tracing them over with my fingertips
So my skin will remember
The way you feel in each and every place.
I would make an atlas of you.
You are a wonderful adventure
I am always dying to take.

I had been in a storm my own mind conjured.
Excuses to hide my lack of desire to thrive and grow.
Slowly digging my way up from somewhere buried below.

The clouds began to clear and you smiled down at me.
I began slowly stretching, reaching toward you.
I craved to feel the warmth of your rays shining down on me.
Opening up the more attention you paid to me.
And it was the first time I had seen outside of myself.

You are only ever you and yet I always love you more and more.
You are too grand to belong all to me
Yet I will always try to put my best self out there for you.

For after all
I am only one small flower
And you are the Sun.

To truly have no care in the world
To be the one that breaks the mold
To be your only hand to hold
To care for you when you grow old
To never let my love be sold
Even when you act so cold

That is the dream I hold
deep in my soul
Clutching that dream late at night
When the house shudders and the lightning strikes
Crying into my pillow
Don't let go!
Without that dream
I don't know...

My paper heart
Can rip and tear.

My paper heart
Can't always be there.

My paper heart
Can fade away.

My paper heart
Can be erased.

My paper heart
Hangs on your wall.

My paper heart
Can potentially fall.

My paper heart
May not be great,

But my paper heart is unique
And it can't be replaced.

I'm wishing I was bulletproof
As the rain falls through this roof.
And you're screaming in my face,
But these tears can't be erased.
Feeling guilty you made me cry.
The secrets you keep killing you inside.
You're to proud to show or share your fears,
But that fear is keeping us here.
Too full of **** to explain
How this love drives us both insane.
We're both too stubborn to understand.
We're both too big of ******* to give a ****.
We were both poised and waiting
For the sound of the gun.
Get ready,
Get set,
Bang!
Now we run.

As we walk down this hall.
Out of this house,
And toward the street
Lingering in our eyes are looks of defeat.
Everything we thought we knew
Was smoke and mirrors.
It wasn't true.
There was nothing real between us two.
As time went on the illusions grew
Unlike the bond between me and you.

The bruises and bite marks
Battle scars of love made
Longing gazes, pupils dilated
Not easily missed
A tangled mess in the sheets
Working together toward a grand finale
Silently competing
Wanting the other to surrender
A battle of wills too perfectly matched
Into the wee hours
Hands grabbing at flesh
Tangled hair
Flushed skin
Balling up the sheets in untamed fists
Two parts of a machine in perfect unison
Hearts race and beat
Inhaling your scent like I need it to breathe
Our bodies gleaning from the sheen of sweat
You collapse onto me
Tapping my heartbeat on my arm
Gently stroking your hair
That moment seemed to stretch into oblivion
I wish I could have lived there

Trying to be what you wanted
Ripping away my flesh
Shredding every piece of me
Remaking myself bit by bit
Forcing the pieces to fit
Trying desperately to be
What I imagine you want from me

You borrowed into me
diving harder, deeper.
I willingly gave into you
Always falling faster.
You hollowed out my core
I allowed it even still
as you fed on my vibrancy
making me dim and obsolete.
I fell into the background
there only to make you stand out.
I lived and breathed for you
slowly let you **** me
only because I loved you.

When you left me,
it was like ripping the meat from my bones.
The air in my lungs replaced by water
it was all I could do not to drown.
I didn't know how to live without you.
That's the sickening beauty of your game.
Without you I didn't want to.
I became a hollow shell
nothing to see behind my eyes
smile held up by safety pins.
Too broken to even cry
I couldn't shed a single tear.
You weren't there to tell me to.
I'm marionette on strings
and even in your absence
you're somehow still playing me.
I cannot seem to let you go.
You're the reason I want to live.
So I'll sit here waiting on the shelf
hoping someday you'll grow bored
and come to play me once more.

My skin feels like it's on fire
When your eyes fall on me
Should I happen to meet your gaze...
Oh, please spare me
Fully clothed I am vulnerable
Open completely to you
I see my secrets spilling forward
Dying to reveal themselves to you
They crawl toward the light
Your stare
I feel you looking into my soul
You smile as if you knew
Suddenly it all becomes clear
Seeing all that you do
What always exists
But others don't know it's there
What caused my sudden silence
The slightest pause in my speech
When I'm trying to close up
And shy away
Casting light into my darkest corners
With you is a safe place to be
It simply has to be true
When you tell me that you love me

I want to stay wrapped
In this sweet September morning.
It's cold and I'm trying to stay lost.
I need to stay far away from you.
If I'm found I will collapse.

On the nightstand
The sight of your face reminds me
I'm so alone.

We sped away down the East Coast
The trees blurred into a red and yellow sky
Miles and miles pass us by
And I,
I am trying to remember you this way.

I like to write about unrequited love.
The kind that escapes us,
destroys us.
The love we don't think we deserve.
The fulfillment we constantly search for
but never find
because we were too late
or not enough.
The things that ache in your bones
and echo your sorrows into your core
threading into your DNA
like it's belonged there all along.
You can't root it out.
You can't find the source.
Lo and behold
it was that poem that made you want to die
but had you running back for more
at the same time