Though these nightmares hold me under,
Your light is waking me up…
And I can’t hide underneath the covers anymore.


Hypnotic: To lay here in your arms…


There is a stillness here.
A kind of concrete understanding; a comfort.
To see you, seeing me…

…


The light dances above my head,
Flecks of gold mixed with flowers;
Can you taste the nectar?


The chill of a fall wind passes by
and clears my mind of the summer.
This is for you.

And one day, you'll understand.

Just your smile and me; a mirage of comfort.
Optimism only takes me so far but,  
When I’m alone in this room; a bottle, jazz and these heavy memories…
These days are flat and monotonous; my personal never-ending winter.
…
I will never want you back but your smile once held me.
In the end, that truth is what lingers.

There is stiffness in my chest as these words write themselves;
As my breathe creates the all too familiar fog on the glass of my windowpane.
These words come from a new place; they pour from me like honey.
Smoothed, pure, untouched; uncomplicated, unrehearsed, untainted.
The sensation; like a hollowness; not being filled but, being felt with acceptance.
My fingertips sway across these keys, in time to the beating of this broken heart.
This soul carries on to the predictible;
The changes in the weather,
The five cups of coffee,
The mind-numbing analysis,
The everyday mundane actions.
Sleeping at dawn,
living at dusk and tea and cakes when I’m feeling blue.
It’s just a routine.
A facade of monotny to keep my heart at bay.
My mind numb to the sting of remembrance...


So, what now?
I guess I’ll just drink another cup and wish that I knew how this will all pan out.
*I guess we will see... Won't we?

Lost and bewildered, I sat on her knee; “Come here child, let me preach.”
“Breathe into your life and unto God, you will pray.”
Wide-eyed and despondent, I held the death letter; I made the circle, drew the stain.
“Queen Laveau, take from me this sadness, shelter from me this pain.”
A grin danced on her lips with the stain intact; white on black.
“Saint Expedite, unsanctify this child, show him our ways.”
The last words uttered to me, by The Mother Marie.
This corpse wanders the earth, now alone; with an aching in its bones.
One day I suppose she will come for me, and with that final breathe, I will say,
“Voodoo woman, Come sing to me your lullaby so that I may pray.”

Showing nothing but strength as I walk through this desert alone.
The sand will sting and the wind will blow; my eyes will water and my skin will burn.
Alas, I will continue forward, for life is still worth moving for.
For you were not my life; that you cannot take from me.
So, don’t you cry for me; not that you will; not that you could.
Just live, as I know you will;
Don’t remember, as I know you won’t.
This isn’t for you either; this is just for me.
I just needed to walk on and watch the sand turn to glass beneath my feet.
Watch it crack and shatter; and place it in a mosaic on my mantel.
For you are now nothing,
But a beautiful memory in this desert of broken dreams.

Fire under my skin: Clarity.
Solace forms in response.
Knowledge is something I never saught,
So keep my bones for yourself.
Now I am warm; filled with air.
White Balloons tied to the wrist of a child.
Let them float away now,
For the moon tonight is calling your name
And only the innocent can answer.