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Oct 2013 · 584
sad
Chelsea Ashdown Oct 2013
sad
I am sad today
but what day am I not?
I am sad today tears are falling
but what day are they not?
I am sad today my armored heart bleeds
but what day does it not?
I am sad today crying does nothing
but what day does it?
I am sad today with no where turn.
I remember days there was somewhere.
I am sad today I am alone
but what days am I not?
Oct 2012 · 1.8k
demons
Chelsea Ashdown Oct 2012
demons encircle me in darkness
my heart try's to shine bright
these dark shadows follow me

my heart thunders as i struggle to breathe
you all live so innocently not seeing these demons that attack
these dark shadows harassing me at every turn

your all so innocent
so immature
do you not see these evil things working their way into my soul? me heart?

i envy you, your lives
not a care in the world a mommy and a daddy who care
not needing to grow up unlike me

these demons threaten me everyday
they drink the happiness from my body
feeding from me

exercise these demons someone please
i beg of you rid them from my soul
but i know you cant

they live along beside me
attached to my soul forever
to rid them i must rid myself of this world.

these demons will always be in control.......
Oct 2012 · 539
home
Chelsea Ashdown Oct 2012
here
where my soul dies
here
where my eyes cry
here
where i take the blame
here
where you break cries from my throat
here
where i wish i could fly or float
here
where my personal hell resides
here
where my suffering has bagan
here
where i hope the suffereing will end
here
where the hate surrounds me
here
where i call my home.
Oct 2012 · 1.1k
HEAL
Chelsea Ashdown Oct 2012
im at the bottom looking up
theres no promise of clear skys but god has my back
im gonna try
try harder than i ever have before
i have strong relationships and even stronger friends
im done waiting for my family to get stronger
its me its i who need to be strong to live the life i was meant to live
to breathe to let everything shine and not give a care
i need to heal.
Sep 2012 · 914
clouds
Chelsea Ashdown Sep 2012
wind wrap your fingers in my hair
air let me breathe you in
sun warm my body
birds sing my song
leaves incircle me with your color
chill remind me im human
clouds take me away to better places.
Sep 2012 · 1.2k
Swallow me
Chelsea Ashdown Sep 2012
Please chair swallow me
eat me whole
Drown out those around me
Soon it will all sink in
Tears will fight to fall
They all stare
Is something wrong
Please chair swallow me
Eat me whole
Hide me from these monsters
It has sunk in
The tears have fallen they have won
There knowing glances burn
Yet they know nothing
I have done no wrong
So swallow me chair
Eat me whole
Steal me from this judgemental world
Sep 2012 · 1.6k
less fortunate
Chelsea Ashdown Sep 2012
they sleep in the streets we sleep in our beds
they starve we waste
some fought for our country
some took the wrong path
we laugh we make fun they cry they plead
they freeze while we cuddle by the fire
we think we are better but if we were good we would help them
we would save them
some have kids that die from lack of what we throw away
all the while we primp and cherish pets we dont even like
we eat from silver and china
they eat from the ground from what we throw away
we are cowards while they brave the world the night with no where to hide
we are the monsters of the world
they are less fortunate and we roll with laughter because the mistakes we could of made they taught us not to by making them first.
i see homeless people all the time and people make fun of them and it kills me becuase they are people just like us.
Sep 2012 · 952
Autumn
Chelsea Ashdown Sep 2012
chills race threw the air
color spurts from the trees
the world around seems gray
sniffles creep
children giggle as they disapear in discarted leaves
arms wrapped circled one another
snuggling is a routene
days shrink
the sun plays hide and seek
pull sweaters tight
autumn is in the air
Sep 2012 · 615
with him
Chelsea Ashdown Sep 2012
nervouse breaths
shaky hands
gentle caresses
thumping hearts
hidden feelings
revealed wants
small nibbles
rough kisses
whispered moans
no regrets
Sep 2012 · 554
its over
Chelsea Ashdown Sep 2012
mistakes
the portal to future
the trail to the past

lies
the dirt hidden beneath your skin
the crys in the back of your head

broken
the cracks in your skin you cover with a smile
the downfall of what they call your life

screaming
the emotionaly pain riding threw your body
the electricity that stops your heart  but all the while brings you to life

bleeding
the final stage till the end
the end of both future and past

this is the end to it all to the mistakes, the lies, the breaking, the screaming, the bleeding it all is over
Sep 2012 · 606
this
Chelsea Ashdown Sep 2012
the moment you realize
your alone
your in this fight alone
no one is there for you
no one loves you
you have to sweat and work
make it to the top
there will be tears
there will be scars
this is my life
surrounded but completly alone
this is how it will be till the day i die
this is when i prove to myself i am **strong
Aug 2012 · 2.2k
happy ever after
Chelsea Ashdown Aug 2012
drowning in what you call life
chocking on what you call hope
everyday i breathe in everything you say, everything  you do

waiting for my big break
speaking for what i think is right
sprinting for my future

the barriers of time slow me down
but never break what i have in my mind as my happy ever after.
a life a job a family with the morals of  our grandfathers

no matter the dirt you cover me in
the hurt you throw upon my shoulders
i will reach my happy ever after.
Apr 2012 · 440
more
Chelsea Ashdown Apr 2012
the more trying
the harder life becomes
the more crying
the sadder the world becomes
the more dying
the more inhumane this place becomes
the more fake smiling
the deeper your dispair becomes
think of your future let your feelings bleed before dark your sight becomes
Feb 2012 · 426
in my heart
Chelsea Ashdown Feb 2012
i love you when we're together
i love you when we're apart
together or not i want you to know you'll always be in my heart
Feb 2012 · 732
my pain
Chelsea Ashdown Feb 2012
my tears filled eyes poor like falling rain
nothing in this world compares to my pain
my ability to feel happieness has died
now im dark and cold inside
piece by piece my heart has shattered
my body bruised and battered
these scars upon my stomache, legs and wrists
are all my problems in a neat tidy list
Jan 2012 · 528
Myself
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
As this snow withers bit by bit
I pounder life and sit
Staring out this frozen window
Wondering if i could have been that low
Low enough to show the hurt that should have been left hidden
I should have left the view of myself to others golden
Now i have all this dirt on my name
And its myself i blame
Jan 2012 · 877
Beauty
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
beauty is your heart
not your smile
not your hair


beauty is your heart
not your eyes
not your cheeks


beauty is your heart
not how skinny your waist is
not how big your chest is


beauty is your heart
not what you see in the mirror
but what you should see inside
Jan 2012 · 550
Getting Better
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
This is me letting go
  when darkness comes, say no
    force it down, eat
      keep composed and neat

         This is me trying
           no more hiding no more lying
             put the pieces back together
              love this me forever

                this is the new me
                  getting better dont you see
                     there words no longer make a dent
                       life is no longer waistfully spent
i have decided to get better and a very special someone is helping me in the process
Jan 2012 · 695
Bully
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
make another joke
while their sobs they choke

point out their difference
while they lose their balance

shove another push
their darkness screams hush

spread another rumor
this is not humor

scream another name
but for their blood you will be to blame

soon nothing will hurt
their body will be six feet under in dirt
People praise bullies and all i wonder is why? why praise what can hurt others?
Jan 2012 · 451
the dream
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
the sun shines
birds sing
flowers raise there heads to the heavens
the long grass sways in the blissful wind
the sky goes dark
drip drip drip
the sun is gone
birds hide
the flowers begin to frown
everything is black
everything is dark
the grass the flowers are all gone
in its place is a fen of darkness
a fen of hate and shallow graves
i watch the ones i love faces appear in the hidden crypts
i hear their screams of agony
the happieness is gone
hate now in place
Jan 2012 · 834
Us
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
Us
im captured
stuck in this fen
this fen of confusion and hurt

we had to absquatulate
im wishing for a thaumaturgy
dont they see we are copacetic together

this selcouth relationship we have
i zetetic some way out of this
a way for this to be excepted

but this is just the ord
the ord of a trail of upturned beaks and hateful sneers
the ord of what we call fate.

why must there be this unwanted wrath
this unwanted hurt
why are we so unwanted

this is us not them
this is a relationship no one can understand but us
this is something worth fighting for.
Jan 2012 · 420
Untitled
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
i have these papers
i hold this pen
my smile tapers
i think of my friends, my kin
but this paper remains blank
my mind spaced out
i miss it my frown sank
it gave me things to write about
relapse means everything
i know to take this route
but i feel my will power aborting
the offers, the pressure
but still my will battled
my strength i treasure
but still this goes untitled
Jan 2012 · 480
You And I
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
I speak
you dont listen
I sing
you scream
i walk
you run
i cry
you laugh
i change
you stay the same
i say broken
you say family
i say nothing
you say OKAY
i frown
you walk away like always
Jan 2012 · 974
This moment
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
this moment music plays
this moment we dance
this moment you whisper lyrics in my ear
this moment i feel happieness explode within me
this moment a stone lodges its way into my throat
this moment a warm tear forms in the corner of my eye
this moment we both know we will never be excepted
this moment we will always have
this moment when everything in the world is good
this moment when societies opinion doesnt matter
this moment when eachother is all we have
this moment when we both know how the other feels
this moment when i realise ill never truley be over you
this moment when i realise you are the reason i live the reason i get up in the morning
this moment when i realise we can never truley be together and never truley be with one another forever.
Jan 2012 · 938
inspiration
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
inspire...
inspire..yourself to be who you are
inspire..others to speak out about what they believe
inspire..friends to make good desicions
inspire..your parents to except you for you
inspire..outsiders to show people who they are and force society to love them
inspire..artists to draw, paint, and sculpt both the good and the bad both the dark and the light
inspire..criticts to critisize because the truth hurts but helps others to improve
inspire..someone to smile
inspire..someone to laugh
inspire..someone to love
inspire..someone to live the life they want
inspire..purpose for everyone in the world
everyone needs inspiration even those who look as if they dont need it.
Jan 2012 · 543
eat
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
eat
the hunger burns deep and aches in my stommache
my mind is twirling
my body gets weak i cry my knees fail to hold me
its time to eat
just enough to live and little enough to feel dead
Jan 2012 · 589
one. . . .two
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
one hit two
i blow out the smoke
not a worry in the world
one line two
on the bathroom floor
my heart quickens my viens pulse
one cut two
i bleed out
thinking of you
Jan 2012 · 458
want you
Chelsea Ashdown Jan 2012
as my stomache aches
my heart breaks
as my lungs breathe
my mind leaves
as my spine tingles
our fingers mingle
i know this is wrong
but ive waited for you so long
we are not together
but i will want you forever
Dec 2011 · 649
love
Chelsea Ashdown Dec 2011
the passion
the heat
the way  you traced the lines of my body
the shine of your skin in the dim lights
the shudder of my breath as complete bliss surronds us
the murmers of i love yous
the touch of tenderness and love
the kisses trailing down my body
the urgentness as if one of us will dissapear
the river of thoughts spilling from my mind
i love you
i never want to let you go
please dont leave me
i layed in your arms till the sun rose high still moving was unwanted
Dec 2011 · 617
you hurt me
Chelsea Ashdown Dec 2011
you hurt me with your kiss
  you hurt me with your touch
    you hurt me with your lies
      you hurt me with your smile
        you hurt me with your eyes
          you hurt me by breaking me heart.
Dec 2011 · 705
I Waited
Chelsea Ashdown Dec 2011
i waited for your message it never came
  
    i waited for your heart it did the same
    
        i waited for your embrace it failed to show
      
           i waited for your kisses but how they feel i will never know.
Oct 2011 · 468
Don't Let Me Be
Chelsea Ashdown Oct 2011
I know this isnt love but lust
but feeling your body and hearing your voice is a must
i try to ignore you to leave you be
but when i close my eyes its you i see
i know i dont mean alot to you
but it doesnt get me down or make me feel blue
i use you as much as you use me
but that doesnt mean i want you to let me be
Oct 2011 · 656
wrecked mess
Chelsea Ashdown Oct 2011
i  pull myself together
i try so hard to hide this stormy weather
i cant let them see this indincation of unhappiness
but deep down inside im just a wrecked mess
Oct 2011 · 502
me
Chelsea Ashdown Oct 2011
me
me, im diffrent
me, im sad
me, im the invisable girl
me, im the one that bleeds
me, im the one who crys
me, im the one who screams your name to the heavens
me, im the one who just took there last breath
me, im dead and gone

— The End —