Hopelessness is the worst feeling of all

Hope must be the very scaffolding upon which we build ourselves

Because the moment hope dissipates the moment it begins to wear and give way

We collapse within forgetting any light that ever previously illuminated the circumstance

When you demolish a building, you don't have to destroy every piece but merely compromise its infrastructure

The same goes for destroying a person, or even a group of people. You don't have to destroy them as a whole but simply destroy their hope and watch as they collapse inwardly

Oh I pray for change for something new in my life

But when it comes its not as I imagined, I'll curse and curse the skies

I beg for forgiveness with the taste of whisky still on my Tongue

And that last puff of pipe tobacco still filling my lungs

I pray for hope and strength I’ll never apply when the time arises

I'll demand to see the light though when I do I'll shield my eyes claiming its too bright

Oh I wanna believe lord I wanna believe with just the right amount of conviction that I don't have to practice what I preach

So I can pick apart everyone and reveal their smallest of flaws

Then turn the other way when I myself become guilty of them all

I want to fund the hungry of Africa but I spent my last dollar on this diamond crested watch

And I want to provide aid to those in haiti but it requires vaccination and I just can't stand shots

Oh I’m proud of freedom and this glorious promise land

Proud to be such a religious, caring, American

I heard the door open then close but never open again

and one can only assume one can only assume you're not coming back

I saw your eyes close but never open again and one can only assume one can only assume

time slips away

like trying to hold sand

every day

making a fool of man

Let's rewind
Time slips through my fingers
In due time
We were all once dreamers

I missed my connection
Back to reality
I now drown in reflection
Searching for causality

This is emptiness
This is home
This is hopelessness
This is being alone

Why would you build individual constructs
If they were meant to exist in pairs
Watching them suffer until self destruct
This just doesn't quite seem fair

If there really exists someone holding the blueprint
I can promise they're not merciful
We are not children but toys built for convenience
To help time pass for the immortal

Oh I pray for change for something new in my life

But when it comes its not as I imagined, I'll curse and curse the skies

I beg for forgiveness with the taste of whisky still on my Tongue

And that last puff of pipe tobacco still filling my lungs

I pray for hope and strength I’ll never apply when the time arises

I'll demand to see the light though when I do I'll shield my eyes claiming its too bright

Oh I wanna believe lord I wanna believe with just the right amount of conviction that I don't have to practice what I preach

So I can pick apart everyone and reveal their smallest of flaws

Then turn the other way when I myself become guilty of them all

I want to fund the hungry of Africa but I spent my last dollar on this diamond crested watch

And I want to provide aid to those in haiti but it requires vaccination and I just can't stand shots

Oh I’m proud of freedom and this glorious promise land

Proud to be such a religious, caring, American

I stare into the abyss of a cracked mirror
Into the gateway to my soul
I find only ashes
Not a single ember remains
No hope of rekindling those flames
Just a barren field, cold and dark

I stumble through days now
Weeks pass each time I glance
From this stack of paper I bury myself in
Exhaustion bleeds through the creases
In the corners of my empty eyes
Tired, this domicile is already vacant

The owner packed up one day
Never saying where he was going
And just left
No bills were payed
So the lights just went out
Left collecting dust

Past hoping the tenant returns
Waiting patiently for condemnation
For the wrecking ball to swing
To and fro
Eagerly and Anxiously awaiting
The first strike

Walls crash down
Boards crack and give way
Bricks soar through the air
As shingles fall in slow motion
The type of chaos
That is pure freedom


Freedom from keeping these walls up
For so long with nothing to keep them up for
That type of empty purposelessness
Destroys and rots the insides
Leaves you so tired
Just so **** tired

If I stay here any longer I will surely suffocate
We've been drowning for so long now
Yet the road ahead is so uncertain
With no guarantee of better yields or outcomes

I don't care
A chance is better than this
Knowing, watching, waiting...to die

Now a year later I'm gone.
This road is equally treacherous
But in a different way
I no longer struggle in misery with a partner
Instead my lonely screams echo
Returning to me through the fog
Reminding me I am alone

Even the trees strive to bridge the vast emptiness
Yearning for connection their arms sprawled out
Fingers outreach and intertwine into the canopy above
They compete for the very same resources
Yet interlock hand in hand
Anything to beat this loneliness

was i ever there were you ever here

or was it but a dream conjured by empty fear

secrets bleed through the walls

like footsteps echo through silent halls

I tried so hard to make this something more

yet we're still slipping, slipping through the cracks in this old floor




I wonder if He'll recognize this temple upon return

if not full of holes from worms

then reduced to ash from when it burned

and if its but a husk but a hollow empty shell

why does every single scratch, scar an eternalized tale

if this truly is the temple

perhaps I'll etch character in the walls

so that upon but a glance any newcomer can know it all




i dreamt of you the night I  died

somehow we shared a whole lifetime

eternity is in the mind

relative is all our time



was i ever really there

were you ever even here

will we ever get whats fair

did we live our lives in fear



I heard the words you never spoke

Read the tomes you never wrote

If you walk away now I will fold my hand

But if you choose to stay the wager stands



If these walls could talk the things they'd say

Imagine the promises they've witnessed break

Oh the ridiculous things we pray

I wonder if its something to do with the snake



temptation yields resistance or defeat but rarely both

I'll try my very best but I'll make no oath

if we retain our humanity

we sacrifice divinity

free will free will how I've missed you so

yet the books say you died long ago



she asked me why

why are you always thinking

why can't you rest your weary head

I asked her why

why she was always drinking

but she never said, no she never said



we felt the divide we felt the separation

I drifted from her side she sank to resignation

I've lost all control here I've lost it all

you never had it don't you know dear

just let the chips fall



you can never run fast enough to escape the truth

maybe if you slow down it will blaze right past you

the most intense pains lacking longevity are the ones that we can bare

but the dull aches lasting eternity cause us to pull out our hair



I wrote you my secrets but you never read them

I told you my regrets but you never listened



I'm trying harder now I'm trying harder than before

We're sinking deeper now, we're sinking deeper through the floor.



You turn your back on me

You leave me empty and ashamed

You turn your back on me

Still somehow I feel I'm to blame



I'm everything you always wanted to see

I'm everything I never wanted to be

I'm everything, everything but me



I'm tired of breaking down I just can't do it anymore

You sinking deeper now sinking deeper through the floor

This is the broken face of an undying push for perfection
While painting my masterpiece I edited it to death
The canvas has weakened with too many strokes of the brush
Yet I obsessively push on, fixing too much
Just one small detail there
Now the brush pushes through with each stroke
Yet I push on
I will push until there is nothing
What does this yield
I toil aimlessly toward a preconceived, self-imposed, fictitious perfection
WAKE UP!
Where is the end goal here, I’ve lost the purpose but still aim towards the goal
The goal that isn’t accomplishable
The goal that’s impossible accomplishment would yield nothing
To no one
This is masochism at its most refined
This is self-induced torture via highs and lows of pointlessness and hope
I am an empty house
My occupants shipped out long ago
In a frantic scramble to regain purpose
Or at least to regain support for failures
Someone to repair the leaks and creaks

But the reality sets in
The occupants aren’t coming back from vacation
I will exist, empty
Until these walls cave
No one will forever conduct upkeep
No, and the foundations already cracking
The paint is already chipping
This house will collapse
And be scavenged to build other constructs
And that will be the end

At this rate my masterpiece will be a tattered, frayed, unrecognizable canvas.
With nothing to offset this obsession I show no signs of letting up
I will drive into the ground until the wiring or the frame gives way

The truth has its way of oozing through the cracks in the coffins we attempt to bury it in. The word secret loses all integrity by second grade, followed by words like “best friends” and soon after the facade of “love” is assassinated by hook ups, break ups, and every type of **** up there is. Jack scribbled the words in his little black book, but he never really believed a word. Did he really say those things to everyone, did he really commit every unspeakable crime he etched into the flesh of the notebook? Something in his soul screamed no, yet the glass shards in his hand, the blood stains on some of the writings told a different story. How long can pretending to not be something last before you are consumed by that which you attempt to stave off.

I hear they're calling for a war
Hear them bustling all about
The others took it just too far
Now its time to stand our ground

Yet we ourselves mow down defenseless
We ourselves are just as evil
Damning those who reveal the likeness
Of atrocities we force them to conceal

So do not listen to the red
Do not listen to the blue
Calling your sons and daughters to their death
Only offering speeches to comfort you

Ask why they themselves do not march
If it's such a noble cause
Won't their own blood quench their souls so parched
Enforcing all their just laws

You were never here nor I there for that matter

We are all just memories

Biding time until the earth forgets us one by one

I want to go out like the trees do in the forest every year

Burning out with all the colors of life save for fear.