I want to go out like the trees do in the forest every year

Burning out with all the colors of life save for fear.

Oh I pray for change for something new in my life

But when it comes its not as I imagined, I'll curse and curse the skies

I beg for forgiveness with the taste of whisky still on my Tongue

And that last puff of pipe tobacco still filling my lungs

I pray for hope and strength I’ll never apply when the time arises

I'll demand to see the light though when I do I'll shield my eyes claiming its too bright

Oh I wanna believe lord I wanna believe with just the right amount of conviction that I don't have to practice what I preach

So I can pick apart everyone and reveal their smallest of flaws

Then turn the other way when I myself become guilty of them all

I want to fund the hungry of Africa but I spent my last dollar on this diamond crested watch

And I want to provide aid to those in haiti but it requires vaccination and I just can't stand shots

Oh I’m proud of freedom and this glorious promise land

Proud to be such a religious, caring, American

Oh I pray for change for something new in my life

But when it comes its not as I imagined, I'll curse and curse the skies

I beg for forgiveness with the taste of whisky still on my Tongue

And that last puff of pipe tobacco still filling my lungs

I pray for hope and strength I’ll never apply when the time arises

I'll demand to see the light though when I do I'll shield my eyes claiming its too bright

Oh I wanna believe lord I wanna believe with just the right amount of conviction that I don't have to practice what I preach

So I can pick apart everyone and reveal their smallest of flaws

Then turn the other way when I myself become guilty of them all

I want to fund the hungry of Africa but I spent my last dollar on this diamond crested watch

And I want to provide aid to those in haiti but it requires vaccination and I just can't stand shots

Oh I’m proud of freedom and this glorious promise land

Proud to be such a religious, caring, American

You were never here nor I there for that matter

We are all just memories

Biding time until the earth forgets us one by one

Hopelessness is the worst feeling of all

Hope must be the very scaffolding upon which we build ourselves

Because the moment hope dissipates the moment it begins to wear and give way

We collapse within forgetting any light that ever previously illuminated the circumstance

When you demolish a building, you don't have to destroy every piece but merely compromise its infrastructure

The same goes for destroying a person, or even a group of people. You don't have to destroy them as a whole but simply destroy their hope and watch as they collapse inwardly

This is the broken face of an undying push for perfection
While painting my masterpiece I edited it to death
The canvas has weakened with too many strokes of the brush
Yet I obsessively push on, fixing too much
Just one small detail there
Now the brush pushes through with each stroke
Yet I push on
I will push until there is nothing
What does this yield
I toil aimlessly toward a preconceived, self-imposed, fictitious perfection
WAKE UP!
Where is the end goal here, I’ve lost the purpose but still aim towards the goal
The goal that isn’t accomplishable
The goal that’s impossible accomplishment would yield nothing
To no one
This is masochism at its most refined
This is self-induced torture via highs and lows of pointlessness and hope
I am an empty house
My occupants shipped out long ago
In a frantic scramble to regain purpose
Or at least to regain support for failures
Someone to repair the leaks and creaks

But the reality sets in
The occupants aren’t coming back from vacation
I will exist, empty
Until these walls cave
No one will forever conduct upkeep
No, and the foundations already cracking
The paint is already chipping
This house will collapse
And be scavenged to build other constructs
And that will be the end

At this rate my masterpiece will be a tattered, frayed, unrecognizable canvas.
With nothing to offset this obsession I show no signs of letting up
I will drive into the ground until the wiring or the frame gives way