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Chantelle May 2012
Love, love.
What is love?
Is it with someone who makes you happy?
For with you, am I happy.
Unrequited.

Fear, fear.
What is fear?
Why are you scared when it's only in your head?
Fear is 90% thought and 10% occurrence (that's what the Adults tell me)
Converse.

Beauty, beauty.
What is beauty? Who is beautiful?
Is it who wears the prettiest clothes, or has the skinniest legs, or the most pleasant face?
Nay, it's who ever has the best personality... right?
Negative.

Intelligence, intelligence.
What is intelligence?
Is it whoever gets the best grades?
Yet those who don't try as hard do better than me.
Exasperated.
Chantelle May 2012
The mere reason for your existence
is unknown.

The pathetic fallacy which always seems
to counter your feelings.

The mistrust you hold
in your own friends.

That feeling you get when you know
you ******* up.

The "fake smile" you try to keep on to mask
those ugly scars.

Those secrets
you put on Tumblr.

The moment when you give up and say
"I don't really care."

The time early in the morning when you realize
you can't finish.

The (many) opportunities you could've taken
but tragically and regretfully missed.
Chantelle May 2012
Exists
All the time
Everywhere
Maybe not in your mind
All the time.
It strikes at unprecedented moments
and it hurts as if sand paper was rubbing against your lungs
You are deeply hurt
and shut your brain off temporarily
your mouth may not be correlated with the nervous system.
You say things you will regret.
The overwhelming feeling of not being good enough
washes over you, your life, your existence
like an enormous wave eroding away a mountain of self-esteem
that took you so long to accumulate.
Chantelle May 2012
Standing out there in the bitter cold,
without any warmth or light to comfort me.

I would knock on your door
but I'm too afraid rejection is all I will see.

Feeling incompetent when I see you all together,
huddled in your little cult circle.

I try to avert my attention to an outside source,
yet my countenance fails to hide the true obstacle.

I want to be liked, to be looked up to,
not unpopular.

Upon looking back, wishing I had favor from others
is one of the biggest mistakes I'd ever made.

You can determine your own path;
Decide where to go.

I sense hope for the future,
see a light in the dark tunnel,
hear a sweet melody through a deaf person's ears,
taste honey on the bitter part of the tongue,
and feel inspired, even when you shun me out of
Your Supremely Popular Coalition for Fun and Successful People.

So sorry that I missed out on the grand invitation,
not. (it didn't exist)

The snow is falling ever so softly here,
Their gentle rest upon preceding flakes is ever so calm.

I loved once and I do love now,
how my mind is at rest, free from your affliction.

To think of it now,
it's rather pretty outside, don't you agree?
Chantelle May 2012
Have you ever noticed?
The change in your own character,
the moment you are by yourself.

The quiet stillness is like a blank canvas,
ready for me to paint my thoughts on.
No judgement comes from the quiet.

An entirely different person,
I wonder how I can be what they label me.
Considering everything and anything about the world.

My mind floats freely, no human contact required to think.
Buoyant in a world that is yet to sink, like Atlantis.
Composed, calm, collected.

Every fragment of my existence feels right.
No pain, or happiness, just peace.

— The End —