And I want to feel wanted
I crave to be desired by another
Don't we all
But they don't want me
Like you wanted me
And I don't want them
Like I want you

He always loved her
The first time he saw her, he knew he would love
Her
The way her eyes glimmered
Her hair as dark as his mind
Long enough he could bury his sadness in it
He longed for her, he could feel it instantly
But no
No, he couldn't
He could never bring someone into the depths of hell where his soul lingered
If he dragged her down, she would never make it back to the surface
At least not with her sanity
But she was so beautiful
Something he had never seen before
She wasn't safe
She didn't know
Every time he looked at her he could feel himself falling,
He knew he would never stop
She could feel it
It only took one glance
And she was gone
And then he felt it
Oh what a wonderful feeling it must be
To find someone who has it just as bad as you do
So tainted, so ruined, so dark
How glorious to finally find someone
Who's demons play nice with yours

To go around and explore
To see your options
And to uncaringly consume yourself with them
To enjoy and lust
Over something new
Different, dangerous...
To do all that
And to still come back and think of the past
To think
And reminisce over what there was
And what there still could be
Is that what love is?

Oh, but she can't
No, she won't
She's spent so long
Building them
Keeping the darkness locked up
Stowing it away from ever seeing the light
No hope
If she lets him in, it was all for nothing
For love
Is not worth the risk of letting them out
Not now, not ever
No one can save her from what she's become
All her life, alone
That's all she's known
Is all she'll ever know

The lies
Untold but not inexistent
Always there
Hiding
Watching
Judging
Poor thing
She had no clue
What you were doing to her
What you had already done
Tucked away so far
So deep
So hidden
But eventually
For they don't give up
Those secrets you tried to hide in the dark
They crawl
And they scratch
Until they finally break the surface
They'll find the light
And then she'll know
Poor thing
She never had a chance

Look
Look what you did
Ruined
You ruined her
Everything  
You did it all wrong
Tainted
She will never be the same
Used
You never cared about it
Hurt
Her heart ached for you
Only you
And now
Now her heart doesn't ache at all

The first mistake
I fell in love
And after I broke
I made my second
Making love
When there was
No love to make

It's interesting
Almost an art form
To try to look into the future
What you see
What you want
And hope
Often they are polar opposites
For we see what we expect
But we hope for more
And dream
That someone will consider us worthy
Of just that

Why is it that we find such comfort
In the things that cause us the most pain
Everything we know to stay away from
Are always the things we want most
And the things we will try our hardest to get
There must be some strange pleasure
In rebelling against the one person
That we should always obey

And what about the rest of them
The ones that hurt because of you
That cry over you
Lose sleep over you
Did you ever think
Maybe
Once about them
The ones that want to die
Because of you

How strange a thing it is to feel like you're missing
You're present
Yet not whole
Somewhere in the pit of your stomach
The depths of your chest
You feel that loss
And your eyes pour over in hopes of filling
That emptiness
That dark mass of nothing
But it is a lost cause
Your soul cringes because it knows
What your body needs to feel whole again

And I came to the realization
That I'm doing what I'm doing
Because I'm searching
I am lonely
And I'm searching
Searching
For what I left behind
The sad thing is
I don't want these
But I won't find what I want
Because there is
Only one