He always loved her
The first time he saw her, he knew he would love
Her
The way her eyes glimmered
Her hair as dark as his mind
Long enough he could bury his sadness in it
He longed for her, he could feel it instantly
But no
No, he couldn't
He could never bring someone into the depths of hell where his soul lingered
If he dragged her down, she would never make it back to the surface
At least not with her sanity
But she was so beautiful
Something he had never seen before
She wasn't safe
She didn't know
Every time he looked at her he could feel himself falling,
He knew he would never stop
She could feel it
It only took one glance
And she was gone
And then he felt it
Oh what a wonderful feeling it must be
To find someone who has it just as bad as you do
So tainted, so ruined, so dark
How glorious to finally find someone
Who's demons play nice with yours

How strange a thing it is to feel like you're missing
You're present
Yet not whole
Somewhere in the pit of your stomach
The depths of your chest
You feel that loss
And your eyes pour over in hopes of filling
That emptiness
That dark mass of nothing
But it is a lost cause
Your soul cringes because it knows
What your body needs to feel whole again

Why is it that we find such comfort
In the things that cause us the most pain
Everything we know to stay away from
Are always the things we want most
And the things we will try our hardest to get
There must be some strange pleasure
In rebelling against the one person
That we should always obey

It's interesting
Almost an art form
To try to look into the future
What you see
What you want
And hope
Often they are polar opposites
For we see what we expect
But we hope for more
And dream
That someone will consider us worthy
Of just that

And I want to feel wanted
I crave to be desired by another
Don't we all
But they don't want me
Like you wanted me
And I don't want them
Like I want you

And I came to the realization
That I'm doing what I'm doing
Because I'm searching
I am lonely
And I'm searching
Searching
For what I left behind
The sad thing is
I don't want these
But I won't find what I want
Because there is
Only one