When I look into his eyes,
he doesn't seem real.
I feel his hair
entangled
in my fingers,
the touch of his hand on my
stomach,
his breath on my ear
as he whispers sweet nothings to me.

But it's as if I'm living in a movie,
a story line that's only there to make others envious.

It's all dream, though.
It has to be a dream.

I ask myself everyday,
How can something this good be happening to me?
Me.
Of all people.
What did I do to deserve him?

I know the mind is a powerful thing,
but I doubt mine could create such
an elaborate
figment of
my
imagination.

He's real, though.
He's so real.
He's the most real thing I've ever experienced.

And I love him.

I'm sorry that I got saltwater all over your shoulder
and that I clung to you like I was a
jungle animal and you were a tree.

I can't help it if my mascara isn't waterproof
and sticks to my face
making me look
like a raccoon.

And even though my eyes turn a stunning shade of sea-foam,
I hate this.

I hate that I can't breathe.
It's like my chest collapses like a stubborn child,
and the only way it comes back up
is if you feed it all the pain and sorrow you so
willingly vomited out in the first place.

I hate how my face gets all red and wet
and no matter how hard I try,
I won't dry off.

Looking like a raccoon isn't half bad,
but looking like the
reflection of the state your heart is in
is a different story.

I hate that my eyes burn and my face feels
raw from all of the attempts to dry it off.

I hate that when someone asks me, "Are you okay?"
my eyes decide to flood like a broken dam
pouring over innocent living things.
I envy them because at least they are alive.
Really alive.
While I'm just sitting here
moping over what everyone else thinks is nothing.
Well, my nothing is something.
And that something means more to me
than anything that they could ever dream to have.

And I'm sorry I look this way.
I'm even sorry that I feel this way.
But I will never be sorry that what I have has meaning
because that's all I need.
And that's all I've ever needed.
Because I am alright.